I know you want to, but DON'T do it | Backbiting

We've all been there. Sitting with friends, the conversation turns quiet, and suddenly someone mentions another person's name. A joke, a mocking tone, a sarcastic comment - and just like that, laughter fills the room. No harm done, right?

But have you ever stopped to think about what's really happening in those moments?

Backbiting Disguised as Jokes

It often starts casually. Maybe someone shares a "funny" observation about a friend who recently became religious. Maybe another dismisses someone's efforts at practicing Islam, saying, "He studied for two days and now he thinks he's a scholar." The room chuckles. Another adds to it. The gossip grows.

We brush it off as harmless talk. Yet Allah reminds us in the Qur'an with words that should shake us:

"And do not backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would detest it."
(Surah Al-Hujurat, 49:12)

Backbiting isn't a "small slip of the tongue." It is a sin that Allah compares to the most repulsive act we can imagine - eating the flesh of our own dead sibling. Something so vile that just the thought makes us recoil.

Why Do We Do It?

If we're honest, the reasons vary:

• Entertainment. We can't think of anything else to talk about, so we poke fun at others to fill the silence.
• Ego. We feel superior for a moment when we highlight someone else's shortcomings.
• Peer pressure. We stay silent while others do it, afraid of seeming "too serious."

But here's the truth: every reason we give is just an excuse.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:

"Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good or remain silent."
(Riyad as-Salihin 1511)

Silence in these moments isn't weakness. It's strength. It's mercy. It's protection - for ourselves and for those being spoken about.

What We Forget

When we laugh at someone, we forget that their story is unseen to us. The person mocked for being "too religious" might be battling inner struggles that only Allah knows. The one judged for falling short might end their life in a state of faith far better than ours.

It may be that the one we insult is beloved to Allah - while our careless words distance us from Him.

And let's not ignore this reality: the friends who backbite with us today will backbite about us tomorrow. Such gatherings don't build loyalty; they breed distrust.

The Day We'll Face It

The scariest part? If we don't seek forgiveness from the people we wrong, our careless words will be waiting for us on the Day of Judgment.

The Prophet ﷺ warned:

"Do you know who the bankrupt person is? They said, 'The bankrupt among us is the one without money or possessions.'
He said, 'The bankrupt of my nation is the one who comes on the Day of Resurrection with prayer, fasting, and zakah, but he has insulted this one, slandered that one, consumed the wealth of this one, shed the blood of that one, and beat this one. So his good deeds will be given to them, and if his good deeds run out before justice is fulfilled, their sins will be thrown upon him, and he will be thrown into the Fire.'"
(Muslim 2581)

That's the terrifying cost of words we thought were "harmless."

What We Can Do Instead

• Stop ourselves mid-conversation. If someone's name comes up, ask: Would they like hearing this? If not, change the subject.
• Make du'a instead of mocking. Replace judgment with: "Ya Allah, forgive them, guide them, and forgive me too."
• Seek forgiveness quickly. If you've wronged someone, apologize. Better to feel awkward now than regret forever in the Hereafter.
• Choose better company. If your gatherings revolve around gossip, maybe it's time to step back.

Allah tells us:

"Not a word is uttered except that there is an observer prepared to record it."
(Surah Qaf, 50:18)

So the next time laughter tempts us at someone else's expense, let's remember: true joy doesn't come from hurting others. It comes from protecting our tongue, purifying our heart, and seeking Allah's pleasure.

Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is simple: stay silent.