Dear Hadi,
Dear Reader,
Thank you very much for your question. It is a very important one, since it is pertinent to so many young people. It is a question which should not be ignored. As the major scholar Yusuf Al-Qaradawi says in his book The Lawful and the Prohibited in Islam, “Sex is a strong driving force in the human being which demands satisfaction and fulfillment.”
In that light, we applaud you for genuinely caring about avoiding sin – that is a great starting point. In modern culture, promiscuity has become so commonplace that it often gives young Muslims an impression that it is not such a big deal.
Regarding specific answers to your question, let us begin with the issue of marriage. You state that this is not an option for a variety of reasons, including possibly economics and parental pressure. We fully understand that, but we don't want you to just assume that this is off the table. That is the first best option.
The Prophet (pbuh) is reported to have said: “Young men, those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it lowers your gaze and preserves your chastity; but those who cannot should fast, for it is a means of cooling sexual passion.” (Sahih al-Bukhari).
We have always been proponents of early marriage, and have always encouraged young people and their parents to follow the advice of the Prophet (pbuh), and find creative ways to finance marriage. For example, if you and your would-be wife are both students, parents can agree that the money they would have paid to support each of you can go towards supporting you both together in marriage. If that is not feasible, you can be married, but not live together. This would allow you to spend time together and be intimate in a halal way. We suggest that you talk openly with your parents and explain to them that you do not want to fall into sin, and you are asking for their help and support. If that doesn’t work, perhaps a local community elder or Imam can help convince them.
If none of that works, then, as you stated, you can try fasting, as that was the second part of the Prophet’s hadith. We recognize, however, that you cannot fast continuously.
This dilemma has also pushed many young people into temporary, or mut’a marriages, where the marriage is contracted for a specified period of time for a named dowry. We would guess you have heard of this, and may know some Muslims who have engaged in it. This is sometimes justified on the basis that it was permitted in early Islam, as well as the notion of necessity – that this would be better than outright fornication. We bring this up not as an option, but because we think it may be something you might consider or want our opinion on. This is something we strongly oppose. We agree with the majority view (also reported to be shared by the majority of the Companions of the Prophet), that it was made absolutely haram by the Prophet (pbuh), where in a version of the hadith regarding it, the Prophet is reported to have said, “Allah made it haram until the Day of Resurrection.” You can find this hadith and a fuller discussion in the aforementioned book, The Lawful and the Prohibited in Islam, by Yusuf al-Qaradawi, in his chapter on temporary marriage. In brief, it does not have the attributes of permanent commitment and sanctity that a marriage in Islam is supposed to have.
Now, let's broach a subject that is hard to talk about, but our commitment has been not to shy away from difficult subjects. If you fear that you will imminently fall into sin, then masturbation to relieve the sexual pressure is an option. Juristic opinions differ on its permissibility, with the majority considering it haram, but there are eminent jurists like Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal and Ibn Hazm, who hold it as permissible if there is a fear of falling into sin, and if the means to marry are not available. Yusuf al-Qaradawi agrees with this view, saying: “We are inclined to accept the opinion of Imam Ahmad in a situation in which there is sexual excitation and danger of committing haram. For example, a young man has gone abroad to study or work, thereby encountering many temptations which he fears he will be unable to resist, may resort to this method of relieving sexual tension provided he does not do it excessively or make it into a habit.”
Once again, however, we believe that the first best option is early marriage. As we tried to show above, we believe that the barriers to early marriage are often psychological, especially on the part of the parents, not physical. If the family as a whole becomes committed to the idea, it can be made to happen in a variety of ways.
Lastly, and probably most importantly, we recommend that you be regular with your five daily prayers, as they are the ‘shield of the believer.’ In your prayers, make du’a for God to give you the strength to keep away from sin. We know that this sounds rudimentary, but we sincerely believe that there is nothing that can match a sincere du’a when it is answered by Allah SWT.
We wish you the best of luck, and once again, laud you in your commitment to trying to follow the rules of Islam. May God bless you with success.
In peace