Dear Hadi,
Dear Reader,
We’re very sorry to hear about the emotional toll this is taking on this individual. Our advice really depends on the particular circumstances of the situation.
Your question indicates that he converted to Islam in order to be able to marry her, and that she was aware of this. Regardless, he nonetheless took the shahadah so we would caution calling him a “non-believer.” If her husband is not interfering with her ability to get closer to God and become more observant or practicing in her Islam, then we don’t see any reason for her to take any action regarding the status of her marriage. There are many couples where one spouse’s level of religiosity may be greater or lesser than the other spouse.
If, on the other hand, the husband is impeding her religious growth, then we would advise her to talk with him about it and try to come to an acceptable resolution. If this does not work and he is actively interfering with her ability to practice Islam, then separation may be the solution. However, your question seems to indicate that he is an honest, loyal, family man so we really have no reason to think he is interfering in her practice of Islam.
You don’t mention whether or not this couple has any children, but if they do, this of course is an added layer of complexity that should be addressed honestly. Have they discussed raising children as Muslim? Is the husband fine with that? If yes, then again, we don’t see any reason for her to break up her marriage.
Ultimately, the question boils down to balancing priorities. Certainly, simply being terribly unhappy with him because he is not at all serious about Islam can be a reason for divorce. We base this on the incident where the wife of Thaabit ibn Qays came to the Prophet stating: “O Messenger of Allah, I do not find any fault with Thabit ibn Qays in his character or his religious commitment, but I do not want to commit any act of kufr after becoming a Muslim.” We presume she meant she disliked him enough that she feared she would behave in an un-Islamic manner with him. Thabit had given his wife a garden as dowry, and the Prophet (pbuh) asked her if she would be willing to give it back, she answered in the affirmative. The Prophet instructed Thabit to take his garden back and divorce his wife. However, her right to divorce based on unhappiness has to be balanced against the notion that “the most hated permissible thing in the sight of Allah (SWT) is divorce.” This is usually quoted as a hadith of the Prophet (pbuh), but the hadith scholars consider it weak, but state that its meaning is sound.
Our concrete suggestion is if the husband is a good man who is not impeding her practice of Islam, that she should stay with him and do her best to be happy with his good qualities, and pray for his guidance. She can also talk to him specifically about whether he would consider being more religious, or at least learning more about Islam to see if he can become more religious. If he is posing a serious impediment to her religious practice and she feels she cannot fulfill her basic Islamic obligations, or if he is actively hostile to Islam and to the notion of raising the children as Muslims, then we would consider marriage counseling to try to resolve the issue. If that fails, then she has done what she can to try to reconcile, and ultimately has to choose between her faith and the faith of her children or her marriage. In that case, we feel that she needs to prioritize her religion. Once again, though, we stress that this is an extreme last resort decision, and it does not sound like she is in that sort of situation.
Beyond the specifics of this individual’s question, and for the benefit of other readers, the circumstances this person has found herself in are not uncommon at all. It is for this reason, as we’ve noted in response to other readers’ questions, that we strongly encourage young Muslim adults to prioritize religious compatibility when considering marriage. When we’re young, we tend to minimize the role religion may end up playing in our lives, and then as we get older, and oftentimes, when we have kids, we realize that we want Islam to be a more significant part of our lives. To this end, we recall the hadith of the Prophet (pbuh) where he was advising men on how to choose a wife (stressing that this prioritization applies to both genders). He stated that a man may desire a woman in marriage for her wealth, her beauty, her lineage or her religious commitment, and he advised prioritizing religious commitment.
In peace.