Dear Hadi,
Assalamualaikum,
My sister-in-law is a photographer, She wants to take a photoshoot of my wife and post it publicly on social media. My wife will be wearing a face mask and dressing will be modest, she does not wear hijab or niqaab but she dresses modestly and no part of her body except her hair is revealed. I am not in favour of posting these pics on social media and I am afraid that I will become a Dayooth. That's why, I am asking my wife to refuse my sister-in-law's request for posting pictures on social media for marketing purposes. But my wife said it's alright as she will not be revealing body parts. Therefore, she is not agreeing with me.
Kindly, some Ullema brother or sister shed their guidance on this matter and tell me how I can solve this conflict.
Dear Reader,
Wa’alaikum assalam. First, let us begin by saying you should have no fear of being a dayyuth (the closest English translation may be cuckold). This vile characteristic is primarily concerned with the kind of man who has no qualms with his wife engaging in illicit sexual behavior with others. Clearly, this is not the situation you are describing.
A less extreme rendition of dayyuth is a man who approves of obscene behavior by his wife, based on the reported hadith of the Prophet (pbuh): "Three people, Allah will debar from Jannah: An alcoholic, a person who is not dutiful to his parents, and a Dayyuth who approves obscene behavior of his wife." (reported by Ahmad and al-Nasa’i).
This is likewise not the situation you are describing.
By your description, your wife dresses modestly and the pictures taken would also be modest. She feels there is nothing wrong with having these pictures posted and you are uncomfortable with it.
As with many disagreements in marriage, we encourage you and your wife to engage in a respectful discussion in which each of you can share your point of view and then it really will come down to the two of you either finding a compromise (we don’t know what your sister-in-law’s marketing purpose it but perhaps if your wife is comfortable, she could wear a hijab for these pictures) or if a compromise isn’t achievable, one of you would simply have to defer to the other.
Your wife is a grown, independent woman and you could choose to respect her decision to proceed with the pictures. In particular, you noted that she would be wearing a facemask in the photo shoot, so may not even be identifiable. We do not mean to imply that if she was not wearing a facemask then the shoot shouldn’t happen, but that this aspect should hopefully make it easier for you to defer to her decision.
Alternatively, she could also choose to accommodate your concerns and not move forward with this particular venture. That, of course, should be reciprocal, and if there is something that you do that would make her uncomfortable, you should be equally willing to defer to her.
In general, if both parties are reasonable, a “least common denominator” approach, where each of the spouses should defer if something makes the other uncomfortable, may make for the most harmony. However, once again, we stress that this must be a reciprocal process. It should not be that you are the one always uncomfortable and your wife is always the one deferring – otherwise, that is unjust and will definitely quickly erode trust and harmony in your marriage.
You must therefore see within yourself if you feel that you are truly reasonable, both in general, as well as in this particular issue. If you feel that you may not be, i.e., that you are always asking your wife to defer on this or that, and trying to limit things which do not clearly violate the shari’a, then it is probably best for you to defer on this matter, and re-examine things in general.
If, on the other hand, you hardly ever ask for anything, then if this makes you genuinely uncomfortable, we would suggest that this be taken seriously by your wife, even though she may see things differently.
We believe either way would be alright, given that in any marriage, spouses will not always agree with one other and will sometimes have to make concessions for one another.
We have tried our best to give you practical advice as to how to make this decision, and we hope insha’Allah that this advice is sound, and that it helps you moving forward.
In peace.