Dear Hadi,
Salam.
I am a 24 year old Muslim, Sunni woman. I met this guy earlier this year, great guy, he also now identifies as Sunni. However, he grew up Ahmedi and with time his beliefs change. He told me that his siblings & himself are now looking for only Sunni partners. He also mentioned not believing in the sect system and he believes we are all just Muslim (aligns with Islam, as the sect system was introduced after). He still has family members who are Ahmedi, but many also now identify as Sunni.
I really like this guy, but I’ve heard that Ahmedis often lie about their sect and I’m not sure how to approach this. I don't want to take this to my parents yet since they are very particular about the sect system and may think he is lying about being Sunni. I’ve tried to get to know his beliefs multiple times and they all align with sunni’ism - can anyone give me advice on how to approach this? Should we question someone who says they are Sunni?
Dear Reader,
Thank you for your question. Alhamdulillah, it is wonderful news that you have met someone that is Muslim and that you consider to be a great guy. From your description, it certainly seems that his outlook and beliefs align with your own. Unless you have some reason to doubt the sincerity of what he has shared with you, we think you should accept his assertions at face value. We base this on the Prophet’s (pbuh) hadith: "If somebody accuses another of disbelief or calls him the enemy of Allah, such an accusation will revert to him (the accuser) if the accused is innocent."
You note that you’ve heard that Ahmadis sometimes lie about being Ahmadi, but we would caution you against making a decision based on such a generalization. Because of persecution (including for example, criminal sanctions for identifying themselves as Muslim) in certain Muslim-majority countries, some Ahmadis may be more guarded about sharing details of their sectarian beliefs. However, this is, by and large, not an issue for Ahmadi Muslims living in the West. But again, based on your description, there’s not even a reason to think that the young man you are describing even identifies as Ahmadi.
If he says he is Sunni, that should be accepted at face value. Please look at this hadith in both Sahih Bukhari and Sahih Muslim about a man who said the shahada during battle when he was afraid he would be killed (i.e., there is every reason to believe that he was not sincere), and how the Prophet was clear that his profession of faith should have been accepted at face value. The hadith is being relayed by Usama ibn Zayd, one of the close companions:
The Messenger of Allah sent us to Huraqat, a tribe of Juhainah. We attacked that tribe early in the morning and defeated them, (then) a man from the Ansar and I caught hold of a man (of the defeated tribe). When we overcame him, he said: 'La ilaha illallah (There is no true god except Allah).' At that moment, the Ansari spared him, but I attacked him with my spear and killed him. By the time we went back to Al-Madinah, news had already reached Messenger of Allah (ﷺ). He said to me, "O Usamah, did you kill him after he professed La ilaha illallah (There is no true god except Allah)?" I said, "O Messenger of Allah! He professed it only to save his life." Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) repeated, "Did you kill him after he had professed La ilaha illallah?" He went on repeating this to me until I wished I had not embraced Islam before that day (so that I would have not committed this sin).
In another narration of the hadith, the last part is as follows:
The Messenger of Allah said, "Did you kill him in spite of his professing La ilaha illallah?" I said, "O Messenger of Allah! He said out of fear of our arms." He said, "Did you cut his heart open to find out whether he had done so sincerely or not?" He continued repeating it until I wished that I had embraced Islam only that day.
Taking a step back, we would like to direct you to an earlier column we wrote in response to a reader’s questions about Ahmadis and whether they are considered Muslim – please see Are Ahmadiyya considered Muslims? We believe that Ahmadis are Muslims – just a different sect of Islam. If, like Ahmadis in general, he believes in the oneness of Allah SWT, acknowledges Prophet Muhammad as His messenger, believes in the Quran and the Day of Judgement, and abides by the five pillars, we do not see a problem here at all.
We encourage you to not let this non-issue become an issue, and we wish you all the best in this relationship should you decide to pursue it.
In peace.