Marrying a Much Younger Woman

Asked by Reader on Jan 15, 2025 Topic: Marriage & Relationships

Dear Hadi,

I am a 63-year-old divorced man navigating life in my later years. Recently, I met someone special—a 32-year-old girl who has brought companionship, joy, and a fresh perspective into my life. We enjoy each other's company.

I am uncertain whether I should continue the relationship. I have four grown children—two daughters and two sons—who are busy with their lives. I haven’t shared this relationship with them or my extended family.

Growing old alone feels daunting, and having someone by my side brings me comfort. At the same time, I find myself torn between the warmth of this companionship and concerns about societal perceptions, regarding our age difference. I think it will be very difficult for my children to accept this relationship. I’m also unsure if marriage is the right step forward in this situation.

I understand that, from an Islamic perspective, there are no age restrictions for two consenting adults to marry. Yet, I still feel conflicted.

Should I pursue this relationship openly, despite potential disapproval from my children and others? Or should I prioritize their expectations and let go of the relationship?

I hope you can give me some clarity.

Dear Reader,

Thank you for trusting us to share our perspective on your current situation.  It is kind of you to consider the potential feelings of your adult children, but at the end of the day, we don’t believe that should be a deciding factor in your decision to continue or end this relationship.

Although the age difference you noted would put you in a small minority of married couples, if you and this young woman are compatible in terms of faith and personality, and you and she see the relationship satisfying you both, then this is not necessarily a deal-breaker.  Of course, we are assuming from your question that pursuing this relationship means getting married.

If the two of you do decide to marry, we would advise that with regard to your children, you share this with them.  Explain to them that you understand they may have reservations, but that you believe this relationship is good for you.  From a practical point of view, this may require a long, honest discussion with your children, where you tell them about this person, and why you want to marry her.  Also, you should listen with an open mind to their reservations.  For example, if they are concerned that this person (from their perspective) is a “gold-digger,” you can calmly and rationally explain to them why you believe that is not so, and explain to them what practical steps you are taking to both guard your own wealth and to safeguard their rightful inheritance.  That last issue, being careful to guard your children’s inheritance rights in accordance with Islamic principles, is something we would stress upon you.  To allay any concerns, you could even decide to write this into your marriage contract or a pre-nuptial agreement.

If their concerns are that they are emotional about someone replacing their mother, you can discuss that with them as well – we, of course, do not know the circumstances of your previous marriage, and cannot say more on this, except that it is an issue that may need to be addressed.

If they are against it simply because they think it is “gross,” you can remind them that you have devoted yourself to raising them and caring for their happiness, and they should of course care just as much (or more) about yours.  Therefore, while it is a socially touchy issue, and it is anticipated that they might have reservations, that should not stop you from pursuing a relationship that makes you happy and in no way contravenes Islam’s teachings.  Rather than being upset, they should rejoice in your happiness and that you will not have to spend your “golden years” alone.

Lastly, we would advise that you think carefully about having children in this new marriage.  You seem like a genuinely sensitive and caring person, and those children would have rights on you, which you may have trouble meeting as you advance in age.  We do not mean in any way to put a dark cloud on things, but sometimes the warm eyes of love miss the cold practical realities.

We pray that your heart will be comforted to make the decision that is right for you both.

In peace.