Dear Hadi,
Salam Alaikum.
I have recently been diagnosed with high blood pressure, and the medications I have been placed on have affected my libido.
I can hardly get an erection now, and even when I do, the moment I commence lovemaking with my wife, I either lose it or ejaculate quickly.
The problem now is that my wife doesn't want to have sex with me anymore, claiming that she isn't in the mood because I don't satisfy her needs.
I have sought various medical help, but none is working.
I am afraid of losing my marriage.
Please help.
Dear Frustrated,
First, thank you very much for your question.
We know this issue is deeply personal, and we are sorry you are struggling.
In dealing with this issue, let’s break it down into two parts.
The first part is the issue with your wife and how she has lost interest in having sex with you.
We think this needs some open and honest communication about what is happening, followed by a concerted effort on both of your parts to show your wife that you can definitely sexually satisfy her without attaining or maintaining an erection.
Let her know that her sexual satisfaction is very important to you, and to see her satisfied also gives you significant pleasure.
You can then satisfy her through manual stimulation, oral stimulation, or with a vibrator.
You should try this a few times until you are both comfortable that it works and she can achieve satisfaction.
This will also take significant pressure off of you because the more you worry about attaining and maintaining an erection, the more difficult this becomes.
Next, let us move on to the medical issue.
First, we stress that we are not in a position to give medical advice.
We will provide suggestions you need to discuss with your physicians and then follow their advice.
It is well known that certain types of blood pressure medication, particularly beta blockers and diuretics, can cause or contribute to erectile dysfunction.
However, there are other classes of blood pressure medicines, such as ACE (angiotensin-converting enzyme) inhibitors, calcium channel blockers, and angiotensin II receptor blockers, that are much less likely to cause erection problems and may actually improve sexual function in men with high blood pressure.
We do not know what sort of medication you are taking, and you will need to discuss this with your doctor, but a change in medication regimen may solve the problem.
Lastly, depending on how high your blood pressure is, some natural remedies, such as beetroot juice, may help control blood pressure without medication.
Once again, we stress that you should not do something like just stopping your high blood pressure medicine on your own.
You can also try some mechanical devices, such as a penile ring, to help maintain your erection.
Also, Viagra may be an option, as it does not raise blood pressure and may actually cause some improvement in blood pressure.
We hope this advice helps and wish you all the best.
In peace,