Dear Hadi,
I'm a 21-year-old woman, and I love reading romantic novels.
However, my parents consistently belittle me, saying it's a waste of time and telling me to read the Quran and Hadith.
I do read the Quran and other Islamic books privately, but I prefer not to wear my faith on my sleeve.
The disapproval from my parents weighs heavily on me.
Everything I do is wrong! I am considering the possibility of moving out before marriage.
The cultural norms from my parents' background view a woman moving out before marriage as inappropriate.
I'm wondering if reading romantic novels is wrong and whether it's acceptable for me to consider moving out of my parent's home in pursuit of personal growth and independence.
Dear Independent Reader,
Thanks for your question.
I’m sorry that your parents are belittling you.
Even if they disagree with your choice of books, we would have hoped they’d express themselves in a kinder way.
We don’t think there is anything intrinsically wrong with reading romance novels.
As with many forms of entertainment (movies, music, books), it’s essential to be aware of the impact the content has on shaping our opinions and influencing our behavior.
If the novels you read don’t negatively impact those things, then we think you’re okay.
And from what you said, you’re not reading these novels to exclude the Quran or other religious books.
Indeed, we know that Muslims of the first generation did not restrict themselves to only reading the Quran and definitely took time out for entertainment.
We refer you to an interesting article on IslamiCity: Leisure and Sports in Madinah during the Prophet's Time - IslamiCity.
Concerning the second part of your question, you’re right that cultural norms for many Muslim families frown on a young woman moving out of her parent’s home before marriage.
The bottom line, though, is that our behavioral yardstick is Islam and not cultural norms.
Islam recommends goodness to the parents, and this is where honest and compassionate discussions regarding your decisions come in.
However, we believe (and God knows best) that there is nothing intrinsically wrong with you living on your own.
We don’t think there’s a definite right or wrong answer here.
While we do think, especially in this day and age, that it’s important for women to be able to be independent.
You’re only 21, and that’s still a little young.
We don’t know your circumstances, but being out on your own at 21 isn’t as easy as one might think – financially or emotionally.
If you decide to venture out on your own, it’s essential to ensure you’re not doing that to get away from your parents but rather that you’re doing it as a step toward a larger goal.
Before deciding on this, we encourage you to talk with your parents about why you’re considering this.
In peace.