Dear Hadi,
I work as a stockbroker in an incredibly stressful environment, and after particularly frustrating days, I find myself turning to a shot of whisky or scotch to calm down.
I know alcohol is not allowed in Islam.
While I haven't always been a practicing Muslim, I've recently been making efforts to do better. I now do my best to do the daily prayers, attend Friday prayers, and observe fasting during Ramadan. However, I'm struggling with the guilt associated with occasionally resorting to alcohol to manage stress.
My wife is also not a very practicing Muslim. She tells me that I am a hypocrite and should stop praying and fasting. I sometimes feel she is right; if I can’t stop drinking, I should not pray or fast. I see the killing going on in Gaza and Islamophobia, and I always defend Muslims with people in my work circle. But inside, I feel ashamed that I am not a good person.
I don’t know how to overcome this habit.
Dear Feeling Guilty about Drinking,
Thank you for putting yourself out there and asking this question. Firstly, let us say we strongly disagree with your wife. You should NOT stop praying and fasting – just because there is an area of your life that is not in line with Islamic teachings does not mean you should let go of the good things you are doing. Your wife’s understanding of hypocrisy is flawed. Having trouble doing something you think you should do is not hypocrisy, it’s just human frailty. Don’t let your wife label you a hypocrite and don’t think of yourself as one. If you’re familiar with famed basketball coach and player John Wooden, you may have heard one of his most famous quotes: “Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.”
We agree with you - stopping drinking is very important in Islam, and you should continue struggling with that until you achieve success, isA. For some concrete suggestions for quitting, please see our answer to a very similar question: How can I quit drinking?
However, the important thing is to keep trying. That way, you meet God having sincerely tried your best, rather than having given up.
Also, remember that things in Islam, as in any aspect of life, lie on a scale of priorities. While not drinking is important, keeping your prayers is more important – way more important. Let us quote to you the first part of a well-known hadith of the Prophet (pbuh): “The first action for which a servant of Allah will be held accountable on the Day of Resurrection will be his prayers. If they are in order, he will have prospered and succeeded.” Therefore, keep saying your prayers – not only for the Hereafter, but because the discipline of prayer, as well as the constant remembrance of God, will isA be one of your best tools in the quest to give up drinking.
Also, do not be ashamed that you are ashamed. You are displaying what the Quran has referred to as the “self-reproaching soul” (al-nafs al-lawwamma, Quran 75:2). That is the voice of conscience inside you that is a critical part of the make-up of the heart of the faithful. It is the part of you which will not let you quit or be at peace with willfully disobeying God.
Finally, while we once again stress that you are on the right track – not drinking is an important part of Islam, we want to relay to you a story that you may not have heard, that we hope will give your heart comfort in God’s mercy while you complete your quest:
During the time of the Prophet (pbuh), there was a man named Abdullah, who loved the Prophet very much, and used to often joke with him. This man not only drank, but was an alcoholic. He would often become so drunk that he had to be brought staggering through the streets before the Prophet, and each time, the Prophet would rule to have the prescribed punishment carried out. This was a common occurrence. After Abdullah had departed from one of these all too frequent sentencings, one of the companions said about Abdullah: “O Allah curse him! How often he is summoned for this!” The Prophet (pbuh) rebuked that companion, saying, “do not curse him, for by Allah (SWT), I know that he loves God and His prophet.” The Prophet then added, “Do not help Satan against your brother.”
So, take heart, and be strong, and do not yield to the suggestions that you should just stop praying and fasting. Whoever suggests that to you, whether it be your wife or your own self, is, as the Prophet said, helping Satan against you.
In peace.