Islamic Dress In the House

Walaikum asalaam sister,
I think what struck me first, and please correct me if I am mistaken, but is your daughter also your husbands? As you have been muslim 10yrs and your daughter is almost 14yrs I am wondering if this is the situation.
If this is the case then I would definately understand why your husband would say she must dress modestly. I gather your daughter is not muslim then?
Are you happy to answer this question? I don't think I personally can give you the right advice without knowing a bit more. Other sisters might be able to.
Good to have you in the forum :)

Salams,
It must be confusing for your daughter. She is at an impressionable age, and I am wondering if she is getting bullied from her non-muslim peers?
Does she go to a muslim school?
Kids feel safe in the home. As she cries when told to put the hijab on to go outside I think she wants some freedom indoors. I feel sure it goes far deeper than being an Islamic issue for her.
Try to console her. Be patient. Ask your son to dress more appropriately in the home. I understand it is different for boys regarding dress. Does your husband wear shorts in the home? If so then perhaps he needs to understand that your daughter feels 'got at' by being told to cover. Especially if there are forces at work outside the home to.
Also, her hormones are all over the place at her age. ANd certainly however you handle this situation could have lasting effects on her. She might say she is starting to hate Islam, but I think its about her more having some freedom to choose rather than it being religion based.
SO for now, try to explain to your husband more. I hope he is an understanding man and father. I am sure you can resolve this without it becoming too much of an issue
Good luck.Let us know how you get on. Always here to help :)
Martha

If the father pointed this puberty fact out - then I think it would be better for the daughter to wear more modest clothes. Obviousley he noticed/observed it as inappropriate. Although Fathers and Brothers are our Mahrams - it is just as important for female members to dress within the realms of dignity so our borthers and fathers don't have to feel awkward. True, we can act/dressed relaxed around them - but modesty/haya still plays an important part. They shouldnt have to see something that they feel awkward about.

The fact that he is not a biological father, makes it more important.

If your daughter is not liking the "you have to because of Islam" approach - use a different one. Stress that it is not lady-like or dignified to dress inappropriately. . . like Martha said, the brother shud also be put into the same category of dressing dignified (shorts etc). Ofcourse you need to explain the obvious fact that men and women have different "auraah" . . . without having to "hammer" Islam into her. Even in the west, a shirtless man will not raise brows - but a shirtless female will . . . its not something Islam is enforcing upon us . . . its based on natural human tendencies and decency.

Ofcourse - an important question is what "Dressing Modestly" within the four walls of your home means . . .  whats acceptable to you and the family. In most muslim households who observe some sort of Hijab - women will usually not wear sleeveless, or reveal legs, even in front of brothers and fathers.

As long as she is not exposing her "figure" . . . most ppl would say its ok whatever she wears . . . You could try leaving Islam out of it and talk generally abt acceptable family values/modesty. If you focus too much on Islam - she will simply resent islam and blame it for her restrictions. . . like she is doing now.
 Goodluck.