general matter

Assalamu�alaikum,

I'm sorry and sympathy for the events that have happened to you and your family, especially your mother who should raise her children without a husband.

Please don't ever hurt the hearts of your parents even if they do not believe in Allah, we still have to respect them, especially your parents are good people, please read the Quran surah Luqman (31) Verse 14.

In case you pay attention (love) towards your cousin , it is allowed by Islamic Law even until you get married is not prohibited. Please read the Quran surah An-Nisa (4): Verses 22-23

Words of Allah explains that the cousins are allowed to marry.

But at least there are two important things to remember are:

1. You still too early to go in that direction, you should really matured in taking a stance, due to enter into marriage it was not as easy as what you imagine, a lot of temptations and challenges that must be faced, even among those who have grown up, there is still get failure. This means that you have to really mature in thinking and in taking decision.

2. The relationship between your family and his family is not good, it is very hard to be faced by a young person like you.

My advice, let time go according to the will of Allah, beg Him to give easiness in all things, execute all His commands and stay away from everything that's forbidden, execute or do shalat (praying) because at that moment is the most closest between a servant with his/her Lord, garnished your home by often read the Quran in order to get the protection and mercy of Allah.

In conclusion: just do all the best to Allah and for anyone, Insha Allah, one day you'll find happiness. Ameen.