One month of marriage, divorce already?

So in keeping with the rocket analogy, I guess "midlife crisis" would be a rocket reentry into earth's atmosphere. If it doesn't disintegrate, or crash and burn; smooth sailing.....

Barakallahu fikoum for your advice and responses.

I pretty much had a "melt down" yesterday, and told him that I was ready to pack my bags and move home (I honestly was thinking it was coming to the end). We had a long talk, and al hamdoulilah things are much better now. We both made a list of things that we are each going to work on and communication is at the top of both of them! This weekend there is an Islamic conference here, and I know there will be lots of vendors and I plan on picking up some books on marriage that we can both read.

May ALLAH guide us in the right path :)

Thank you for all of your responses. Next weekend there is a conference on Islam here, so I am going to try to find some �self-help� marriage books that are in French so we can both use them. Chrysalis, I am going to download the e-book that you suggested, but given that it's English, I won't be able to share it with my husband. I am sure it will be helpful for me though, inchAllah.

We have made it just *one* successful day without fighting�. until this afternoon. I am sorry that I am going into details but living in a foreign country, I don�t have anyone here I can talk to where I can really express myself. I have some Muslima friends, but my husband doesn�t like that I go out to see them or talk on the phone (which is a whole other subject!). I definitely can�t talk to my family about it because they didn�t necessarily agree with our marriage in the first place, so I try not to talk about anything negative in our relationship because I know that they will take one small thing and use it against me later on. Needless to say, I feel pretty isolated.

This was the jist of our fight today: He left in the afternoon to go do some errands with his uncle, and when I asked how long he would be gone, he said he was coming home �at night�, which I took as later (after Maghreb). He sends me a text a few hours later asking if I fixed something to eat, and I told him what I was going to make for dinner, and he responded a simple �OK�. I didn�t notice that 20 minutes later he sent me a text asking me to take something out of the freezer. He then comes home an hour later, around 5:00 PM, earlier than I had imagined.

He starts out nice, giving me a kiss, then he asked if I took out what he wanted from the freezer, to which I replied no, because I didn�t know, and so I look in my phone at that moment and he starts going on about how he can *never* count on me, how he hadn�t eaten all day and was hungry, and why I didn�t think to make something to eat for him. I then explain to him that I thought he said he was coming home later and I had planned on making something for dinner. I said that I told him that in a text message and he said OK, but he didn�t specify that he was coming home at that instant or to make him something to eat, and that I didn�t do it on purpose, and I wasn�t ignoring his needs. During this time, I am cutting up some parsley that I bought a few days earlier. He then starts in on me about how that I am lazy and that because I waited a few days to cut up the parsley that I had to throw away part of it and that I was being wasteful. He then continues and asks why I didn�t put the tomatoes away in the fridge and that now they were going to get moldy and again, I am being wasteful. He was being really harsh and insulting me and belittling me. I had reached my boiling point, so I yelled at him and told him to STOP CRITISIZING ME! I immediately apologized afterwards and I said I was sorry for yelling at him and that I was angry, and he threatened me by saying that the next time I yell at him, he is going to hit me to teach me a lesson! He then proceeds to say that all of the problems in our relationship are created by ME and that it�s all my fault. At this point I just say OK and I leave the kitchen.

A few minutes later, I hear him putting on his shoes and getting ready to leave, so I ask him if he�s going out and he says yes, and I ask when he�s coming back and he just says �this evening�. I say bye and he shuts the door in my face. This makes me mad of course, so I send him a text saying next time at least say goodbye, to which the follow conversation:

Me: The next time you leave at least say goodbye
Him: yes, it�s simple, you yell at me, and I�ll say goodbye
Me: I told you I was sorry, it is up to you whether or not you want to accept my apology or refuse it
Him: Well then I refuse it
Me:  please I don�t want you to be mad at me, again I�m sorry that I yelled at you
Him: It wasn�t the first time either:
Me: I�m sorry, I was angry!


And that was the extent of it, he never responded. Around 10:30 PM, I hadn�t heard from him, so I sent him a message asking if he wanted me to wait for him to eat dinner or if I should go ahead without him� which he responds an hour later with �no�. I then ask if he was coming home now, with no response. It is now almost midnight, and he is still out, and has not yet responded.

This is just an example of what happens on a daily basis, but the subject changes. I feel like I did my part and I apologized numerous times, and now I am hurt and mad that he simply refused my apology. I know it is not good but I am starting to resent him in my heart because he is constantly blaming me and constantly criticizing me. I can�t live up to his standards, and in the end I end up feeling miserable because I feel like I am failing as a wife. Honestly, I don�t feel like I can put up with this for the rest of my life. I no longer feel like myself, I am constantly depressed or sad because we are always fighting!

Anyway, I know I am babbling, and I apologize because I feel very �high school� and he-said, she-said, but I just need to have an outsiders opinion and advice, since I can�t turn to anyone here.

Barakallahu fikoum for your help! May ALLAH bless you.

Riad Ouarzazi is an "NLP Certified Life Coach practitioner".  Does this qualify someone as a "certified marriage counselor"?