obedience to husband

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   salam again! i wrote a short blog entry on this topic. please check it out at http://theperfectionistas.blogspot.com/2011/05/me-obey-him.html

Here's an excerpt: "A recent family reunion nearly turned into a brouhaha when the conversation turned toward a sensitive marital topic."

i would love any feedback

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umm sakina Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Female Joined: 10 May 2011 Status: Offline Points: 6	Post Options Post Reply Quote umm sakina Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Topic: obedience to husband Posted: 19 May 2011 at 9:59am
	salam again! i wrote a short blog entry on this topic. please check it out at http://theperfectionistas.blogspot.com/2011/05/me-obey-him.html Here's an excerpt: "A recent family reunion nearly turned into a brouhaha when the conversation turned toward a sensitive marital topic." i would love any feedback

Hayfa Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368	Post Options Post Reply Quote Hayfa Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 17 May 2011 at 9:22pm
	Good answers above.. It really depends upon intentions. If I feel I am "right" it all depends upon the matter.. if its minor and trivial. I am not sure either of us cares all that much.. when there are problems, I think that usually one side or the other is "abusing" too much. The hard part is if someone is not raised well and bring a lot if stuff to adulthood and a marriage. There are tons of examples of this. That is the tough part..
	When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi

umm sakina Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Female Joined: 10 May 2011 Status: Offline Points: 6	Post Options Post Reply Quote umm sakina Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 17 May 2011 at 10:19am
	thank you, lady! mA i am not having a problem with my husband but i am trying to write an article on the importance of obedience to one's husband. sisters usually get very sensitive so i was trying to get ideas from others on how they keep calm while being obedient. i loved your idea of going to him three times! thank you, umm sakina

lady Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 20 September 2006 Status: Offline Points: 314	Post Options Post Reply Quote lady Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 17 May 2011 at 6:42am
	Walaakum salaams sister. I tried to post my comments twice but everything was erase mysteriously. Anyway, I do not have a problem with listening to my husband. He listens to me as well. We are best friends. Your statement is too vague so therefore I do not know how to answer it. I will say that both of you guys could be right at the same time. Having a happy marriage means that you and he have to humble yourselves when there is a disagreement. If I am wrong, then I do not have to prove to my husband that my way is the right way. I will do what he tells me as long as it is not going against islam. He should do the same for me as well, which he does. And if he decides not to listen to me, then I have to still be true to myself. Which means that based on what he does, it should not change who you are and what your main focus is in life, which is to worship Allah (SWT). If you feel like you are being mistreated in any way, then you need to talk to him. If I feel mistreated by my husband, then I will go to him three times to ask him to change his action. I am the type of person who is straight forward, and so after three times if he did not change that behavior, then I will go to his family about him. If you do this then you should tell him first. I have a really close relationship with all his family members, and the last thing that he wants is for them to know that he is mistreating me. This goes both ways. I would not want my family to know if I was mistreating my husband. You and your husband should be best of friends, so therefore you need to talk to him about what you are telling us. If my husband was going against islam, then I would not follow him. If he tried not to give me my rights, then I would not listen to him. Your house is suppose to be a place of freedom, and not a place of oppression. In order to get an idea of what you are talking about then you need to give us an example. It does not have to be your personal example, it could be a ficticious one. I still think that no matter what you say, your questions most likely would be answered from the first three repliers. I wish you the best.

umm sakina Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Female Joined: 10 May 2011 Status: Offline Points: 6	Post Options Post Reply Quote umm sakina Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 16 May 2011 at 2:45pm
	Good Points. I know there are prerequisites and consultation. But if those are fulfilled and done then the husband has the final say...i am interested in hearing from women who let their husbands have the final say and how do they deal with it when they think they are right?

abuayisha Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Muslim Joined: 05 October 1999 Location: Los Angeles Status: Offline Points: 5105	Post Options Post Reply Quote abuayisha Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 16 May 2011 at 7:05am
	..and there is the importance of shurah - consultation in the family. It is certainly not a dictatorial matter...at least not in my household anyway.

pure_columbian Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Male Joined: 31 December 2010 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 74	Post Options Post Reply Quote pure_columbian Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 16 May 2011 at 2:54am
	Salaam I don't think its as simple as saying "the husband has to be obeyed", as Semar has pointed out above, there are certain pre-requisite, such as the husband has to prove himself to be a good husband who treats his wife like all wives should be treated, with respect. If the husband asks the wife to do something she is uncomfortable wife or which goes against Islam then she has every right to refuse to obey such a request. Before the wife "obeys" she needs to look at what is being asked of her by her husband.

semar Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Male Islam Joined: 11 March 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 1830	Post Options Post Reply Quote semar Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 16 May 2011 at 12:08am
	Salaam, However there is a requirement for husband to get that "privilege". He is should be a "good" husband, not an abusive husband or irresponsible husband. Edited by semar - 18 May 2011 at 12:28pm
	Salam/Peace, Semar "We are people who do not eat until we are hungry and do not eat to our fill." (Prophet Muhammad PBUH) "1/3 of your stomach for food, 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air"