My mother - the most important person in my life

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Discipline without Disrespecting: 
 What�s all this talk about raising your child without hitting?  This is not our way, you might say.  After all, there is a hadith that says at age 10 if your child doesn�t pray then hit him.¹  And there�s another hadith reported by Ibn Abaas that says to hang your belt where the members of the household can see it, for that will discipline them.²But have you heard about the position some of the well known scholars and educators have taken on the position of hitting kids, in light of the above ahaadith?  To find the answers, you might have to dig deep and search hard for the understanding. 
The information that is profusely presented to most parents is that you should hit your child for misbehavior or you�ll spoil and ruin him. This is how most of us were probably raised. But is there a basis for this concept in Islam?  Is it based upon The Quran, sunnah or the ways of the Sahaba?  Or, is it simply a cultural habit that has been passed down from generation to generation among both Muslims and non-Muslims alike. 
Some scholars, such as Sheikh Albaani (ra), have said that it is completely forbidden to hit your children if they are under the age of 10 or haven�t reached puberty.  During one of the Sheikh�s lectures a listener asked the following question about hitting:
�. . . regarding hitting, sometimes you find students leave their houses and have no manners, even good advice does not benefit them, so does hitting them fall into necessity?�
Sheikh Albaani (ra) replied, �There is no necessity.  Where is the necessity here?  Can you comprehend that hitting would benefit when the One who created him said, do not hit him until he reaches the age of seven [ten]?�
Sheikh Albaani (ra) then continued, �There is no hitting, no hitting at all.  Rather there is directing, advising and speech.  Sometimes words have a greater [e]affect on people than hitting.  In addition, hitting with some people does not help at all; rather it makes them continue on what they�re upon more and more.  What is important is that the best of all guidance is the guidance of Muhammad; may peace and blessings be upon Him. Thus, the child is not to be hit so long that he did not reach the age of puberty.³

Edited by abuayisha - 20 July 2011 at 11:09am

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abuayisha Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Muslim Joined: 05 October 1999 Location: Los Angeles Status: Offline Points: 5105	Post Options Post Reply Quote abuayisha Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Topic: My mother - the most important person in my life Posted: 20 July 2011 at 11:08am
	http://www.grandmajeddah.com/Page_2_OX5R.html Discipline without Disrespecting: What�s all this talk about raising your child without hitting? This is not our way, you might say. After all, there is a hadith that says at age 10 if your child doesn�t pray then hit him.¹ And there�s another hadith reported by Ibn Abaas that says to hang your belt where the members of the household can see it, for that will discipline them.²But have you heard about the position some of the well known scholars and educators have taken on the position of hitting kids, in light of the above ahaadith? To find the answers, you might have to dig deep and search hard for the understanding. The information that is profusely presented to most parents is that you should hit your child for misbehavior or you�ll spoil and ruin him. This is how most of us were probably raised. But is there a basis for this concept in Islam? Is it based upon The Quran, sunnah or the ways of the Sahaba? Or, is it simply a cultural habit that has been passed down from generation to generation among both Muslims and non-Muslims alike. Some scholars, such as Sheikh Albaani (ra), have said that it is completely forbidden to hit your children if they are under the age of 10 or haven�t reached puberty. During one of the Sheikh�s lectures a listener asked the following question about hitting: �. . . regarding hitting, sometimes you find students leave their houses and have no manners, even good advice does not benefit them, so does hitting them fall into necessity?� Sheikh Albaani (ra) replied, �There is no necessity. Where is the necessity here? Can you comprehend that hitting would benefit when the One who created him said, do not hit him until he reaches the age of seven [ten]?� Sheikh Albaani (ra) then continued, �There is no hitting, no hitting at all. Rather there is directing, advising and speech. Sometimes words have a greater [e]affect on people than hitting. In addition, hitting with some people does not help at all; rather it makes them continue on what they�re upon more and more. What is important is that the best of all guidance is the guidance of Muhammad; may peace and blessings be upon Him. Thus, the child is not to be hit so long that he did not reach the age of puberty.³ Edited by abuayisha - 20 July 2011 at 11:09am

seekshidayath Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Islam Joined: 26 March 2006 Location: India Status: Offline Points: 3357	Post Options Post Reply Quote seekshidayath Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 20 July 2011 at 8:29am
	Am sending you a PM brother as am reluctant to discuss similar problem of a person known to me. I hope and am also looking forward for what other members suggest
	Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."

Rocca Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Joined: 20 July 2011 Status: Offline Points: 1	Post Options Post Reply Quote Rocca Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 20 July 2011 at 7:38am
	Salam alaikom, This has been tearing me apart for the last week and i've run out of people to turn to for advice. My mother is a very difficult person to get on with. However i know the importance of parents in Islam and so I will always respect and obey her. I understand that Islam permits us to hit our children but I remember when I was younger on one occasion my knee was dislocated as a result of her 'discipline'. The reason for this being that I had not done the washing up properly. This is the sort of person she is. She still hits me in this way, the only difference is that now i'm 19. Last week we had a petty disagreement where she accused me of doing something I hadn't done. I didn't raise my voice, in fact I didn't have the chance to say anything at all I just stood there. She hit me, i won't go into further detail about what she did, but end result is now she isn't talking to me. I have done NOTHING wrong, i didn't show any disrespect at all. But I hate that she's not talking to me and i've tried apologising but she won't accept it. I know that in Islam it is the biggest sin for your parents to be angry at you. And now even when i pray I feel as though it won't be accepted from me. After all these years of abuse from her, I honestly feel that i don't want her to be in my life at all anymore. The only reason I am begging for her forgiveness is because of Allah. I don't want this to be the thing holding me back from being a good Muslim. I'd appreciate any ideas on how to sort things out with my mother. If she refuses to speak to me again, is it wrong for me to live my life without her? JazakAllah khair for taking the time to read this Edited by Rocca - 20 July 2011 at 7:41am