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Why do women leave their husband? |
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Nausheen 
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 Topic: Why do women leave their husband?Posted: 02 July 2012 at 11:16pm |
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Sidi, big smile to you. [Meeting after a long time so, I was trying to be friendly-ly nasty with you!]
No am not saying most marriages fail because of men only OR because of women only.
Just that I thought there was some insinuations against the inherent faults of my gender and my natural instinct came to defend it.
I totally agree with you, if couples live together to raise grandchildren this is how I have seen families in real life, back at home. Both my grandparents on both side of the family tree were alive till I got married.
5 years down the road when my brother was getting married, my grandfather (paternal) had passed away. My grandmother (maternal) is still alive mashAllah, and she has seen 3 of her great grandchildren :)
Have experienced quite a bit on the subject, realistically and through marriage mentoring books etc ... I think the amount of concern America shows for the success of marriages is amazing. Perhaps its because their stats are true and pretty high on the side of failure.
As for other countries (like India) the situation is more complex. Stats are not so true and the level of happiness in those marriages which are 'intact' on paper is not always very high.
It seems we cannot lump all countries in one basket to discuss this subject. Personally I believe there is a tacit taboo within societies (in asian counties) for divorce and that allows things to be taken for granted. In this respect, the level of happiness which is there in the 50% of american marriages which do survive is commendable.
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<font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR] |
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abuayisha
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Posted: 30 June 2012 at 8:02am |
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Well if you're saying most problems in a marriage are the fault of men you certainly won't get any argument from me. I just think it is so sad that couples go through years of raising children and careers, only to enter into late 40s and 50 years of age and divorce. How nice it would be to for them to live as grandparents together - sharing old memories. "sigh"
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Nausheen
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Posted: 30 June 2012 at 6:58am |
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hmm ...
Question: In what age group do most women leave or decide to leave their marriage institution? Of those 50% marriages that fail in America, what percentage of these begin to fail when the wife is sailing thru her mid 40s? jazak Allahu khair.
Edited by Nausheen - 30 June 2012 at 7:03am |
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<font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR] |
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abuayisha
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Posted: 28 June 2012 at 9:01pm |
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Yeah; "She is demanding too much, and still feeling unhappy because of her midlife crisis.." I thought to add another dimension to why a woman may leave.
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Nausheen
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Posted: 27 June 2012 at 9:26pm |
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Is that a change of subject?
OR.
She is demanding too much, and still feeling unhappy because of her midlife crisis?
OR,
He is feeling too pressured by her demands due to midlife crisis?
not sure what you're hinting at.
Here in Japan the divorce rate is high among retired couples*. When the man is home all day, 24/7 and needs attention suddenly, because he is now off work :)
* Retiring age - 60+
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<font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR] |
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abuayisha
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Posted: 27 June 2012 at 9:04am |
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A midlife crisis experienced between the
ages of 40 and 60. It was first
identified by the psychologist Carl Jung and is a normal part of the maturing
process. Most people will experience some form of emotional transition during
that time of life. A transition that might cause them to take stock in where
they are in life and make some needed adjustments to the way they live their
life. Most seem to come through the process smoothly without making major life
changes. For some, a midlife crisis is more complicated. It can be an uncomfortable time emotionally
which can lead to depression and the need for psychotherapy. Those who have a
hard time with this transitional stage might experience a range of feelings
such as: � Unhappiness with
life and the lifestyle that may have provided them with happiness for many
years. � Boredom with
people and things that may have been of interest to them before. � Feeling a need
for adventure and change. � Questioning the
choices, they have made in their lives and the validity of decisions they made
years before. � Confusion about
who they are and where they are going. � Anger at their spouse and blame for feeling
tied down. � Unable to make decisions about where they want to go with their life. |
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Nausheen
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Posted: 27 June 2012 at 12:43am |
Where? Is a valid question.
when its said that 50% of american marriages end in divorce, we udnerstand that 50% of married couples are not happy, they end their partnership deal.
But, it also says that the other 50% are very happy because they keep continuing - in an age, and society where divorce is not such a taboo - if the woman is working/educated, financial security is not the criteria for them to carry on.
This means the marriages which continue, and are successful, the level of happiness for those couples is quite high.
In other countries where divorce is still a tacit social taboo, and financial constraints, dependence on the husband, dificulty in raising children etc. are concerns on the woman's side - the low divorce rate is not a true reader of a 'successful and happy' marriage - its may be a marker for 'continued' marriages.
wonder what people outside america have to say about this?
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<font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR] |
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Nausheen
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Posted: 27 June 2012 at 12:31am |
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Simply stated, women leave men when they are neglected. Neglect accounts for almost all of the reasons women leave and divorce men
While it is the most important reason women leave men, it is hard to convince men that it is a legitimate reason, something they should avoid at all costs.
When marriages are made for people to BE THERE for each other in good and bad, happiness and sorrow, health and sickness ... then why is it so difficult for men to understand spousal neglect is not what a woman had opted for when she decided to tie the knot.
Some of the common complaints I hear from women is, "He ignores me except when he wants sex, he sits and watches television when he could be talking to me, he rarely calls me to see how I'm doing, he hurts my feelings and then never apologizes: Instead, he tells me I'm too sensitive." Most husbands are mystified by these complaints. They feel that their wives demand too much,... they are too dumb to think its demanding too much. Perhaps they dont understand the word partnership and sharing.
What are women looking for in men? They want a soul mate,
Hey, earning the bread on table then watching TV on the couch is not soul-mate-ship -- please men, try to understand.
If anyone has seen Kramer vs Kramer -- thou the story focuses on the toils of the husband after he is left , the main reason she leaves was that she was neglected although he was supposedly being a good husband, by doing a good job bring home a handsome salary - also not looking at other women etc etc - was completely baffled why she left.
I think as people progress into marriage together men lose sight of the definition of bonding - or rather they start taking the relationship for granted, focusing on several other aspects of life. Career may become important and relationship starts to slip - when they are talked about it, they cannot understand because the communication between men and women is a tricky thing :p
By the time they begin to 'get it' she has already filed for divorce.
I have read that when women are dissatisfied in their marriages they are supposed to 'do something' rather than 'discuss it' because men are not so responsive to words as to action. However women who are more responsive/sensitive to words think 'doing something about it' is to nag him day in day out - then withdraw and become passive.
Then finally they get up to 'do something' in terms of action its filing a divorce.
sad scenario but so true in so many cases!! |
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<font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR] |
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