heartbroken over a person. Need insight

Heartbroken wrote:   i know its done, i'm just finding it very hard to move on. there is so much marriage pressure on me., parents tell me i need to find a guy in a marriage bureau or newspaper ad just the thought alone scares me.

Try this:

www.halfourdeen.com

I know people who  have tried this. All the members on this are serious and no-nonsense. I think you should give it a try...

nospam001 wrote: I'm just guessing of course, but is he a US citizen? Are his parents originally from another country, and is that the same country where he met his fiancee? Are there many people in that country who are eager to migrate to the US? What repercussions would there be supposing he 'married into' a family which (a) is not from his parents' home country and/or (b) has already established a foot-hold in terms of US residency?

Heartbroken wrote: he was talking to a lot of proposal girls and i should not be shocked. yes, we both used to discuss proposals we used to get from people, who doesnt at our age...there is so much marriage pressure on me., parents tell me i need to find a guy in a marriage bureau or newspaper ad

Hi Heartbroken. Were any of my guesses even partly correct?  Or if you prefer: how do you personally feel about the cultural traditions and expectations you have inherited?

I really would like to thank you all for your responses. i have actually read all your responses a few times each as i was feeling so lost! i am still having a very hard time dealing with this. i agree and realized now that he never took me seriously. when i asked him recently about the sudden nature of his wedding, he made me look so st**id saying, that  i knew all along he was looking for girls and that i wasnt the only girl he knew for the last year, that this girl and him became serious much later on it wasnt going on from before. i got so hurt the way he made it seem like our talking for one year was really nothing because we only met in person a few times. i took the blame and did not continue the discussion further and left the conversation on good terms. although i wanted to ask why he was constantly talking to me for one year, flirting, talking to me all night, telling me i'm so beautiful and just made it seem he was so interested in me, who does that? as a girl obviously over time i started getting used to him and was waiting for him to just commit when he felt ready, not abruptly tell me he's engaged. now he labels it as we were having fun as friends and that he never thought i would like him. 

Heartbroken wrote: . I have been crying every day since then, first regretting maybe i should have told him he really didn't know? i wasnt proactive enough or secondly he just stringed me along while he was seriously considering someone else? .

There is no way he didn't know you liked him, and NO it was NOT YOUR JOB to let him know you wanted to marry him. If he was a man, he would have asked you to marry him. He would have at-least tried... or given you a heads up. If he was raised in the US, even more so, because parents are a lot more flexible and lenient about the son picking a girl and saying he wants to marry so & so.

He was definitely just having fun, and trust me, he probably was not as serious as you. Women tend to get more serious and emotionally involved then men. They also tend to get hurt more and are more sensitive, whereas MOST men find it very easy to forget and move on.

I used to have a muslim colleague at university who had 2 girlfriends at the same time. One a muslim, the other a nonmuslim. He was in a relationship with the nonmuslim girl for 7 YEARS! Yet he had another GF from the same ethnicty as him.  It was amazing how he managed to have two GFs at the same time, both hopelessly in love with him. Both thought he was going to marry them... they had NO IDEA. He was the ''perfect boyfriend''. He was also a perfectly nice polite guy! yet...

So yeah... if a man can cheat on a GF of seven years... and the girl does not have a clue... what does that tell you about men? Both my father and husband say (jokingly) when it comes to flattery and praise, women become blind and can be easily fooled.

Wounds heal over time, provided you don't scrape at them. Cut off all contact with him. Only then will you heal. (find an excuse such as you lost all the contacts on your phone, to protect your dignity). Insh'Allah this was a good lesson to learn... because as Muslims we believe everything happens for a reason. It was also probably good riddance. You would never have the strength to break-off with him, so Allah found a way. (I mean, he used to drink!!!) Focus on your future now, and build healthy, halal relationships inshA'llah.