Questions Unanswered

No he hasn't asked for help with the money. Its the opposite he's always bring gifts for me or my family. Even though I've told him ot to on more than on occation. As for him leaving her, I told him it had better not be for me. I've made no promises except to be his friend.

First of his father is from Palistine (sorry if i miss spelled that) he did NOT marry a family member (cousin, aunt, etc.) but a Puerto Rican woman. Now my friend was born and raised in Puerto Rico. I am Puerto Rican, and I see so much of my own culture in him that it's hard to believe the stuff that's going on with him.

I grew up with a phrase my mother taught me. That the way a man treats his mother, is how he treats a woman. So far that's worked for me in the past. But this guy is confusing. I mean he's so wonderful with is mother (whom Ive met along with his brother) he's caring, and very detailed oriented. He's the same with my mother. Yesterday he came over to help my dad with some shelves and brought my mom flowers. But at the same time I hear what's going on with his father and it worries me. I could his father be seriouse about the threat? I mean he didn't kill his older son when he got a woman pregnate and than married her instead of the arranged marriage......

As for the money, you ladies have me thinking now because all of you plus what Ive read have said that money is paid when their IS going to be a marriage NOt when there is a divorce.

Sounds like this person has a complex situation. Since we do not know where he is from its hard to say what might be the cultural influences as well as specifically his family. Some stuff may be Islamic and some of it not.

Honestly I'd seperate myself if I were in your shoes.

 

 

 

Sussett,

I am Christian, raised Russian Orthodox and I married a Mormon.  Interfaith marriages are often very difficult.  My father's family took two years to recognize my marriage.  My father in law often pretended I didn't exist until we moved to Utah to be closer to them.  Now, he's distant at best, even after my conversion to the Mormon church.

This is magnified 10x by the fact that you are of completely different faiths and cultures.  My mother gave me a little word of wisdom years ago.  If you want to know what kind of husband the son will be, look at the father.  If this father is threatening to kill his son over his unwillingness to be married to this girl.  What kind of ideals of marriage was this boy raised with?  Will he treat you with dignity?

Also, Muslim men are not supposed to mix with women who are not "Mehram" to them.  Mehram means blood relations you cannot marry.  Like your aunt, sister, mother, etc.  So, his "friendship" with you is rather suspect as well. 

My advice as someone who's walked a shadow of the road your on, WALK AWAY.  But, whatever you do, don't mistake all that is going on as Islam.  Marriage in Islam is supposed to be an agreement between the husband and wife.  Not the fathers while the children are small.

Susset, walk away dear. While you can. I hightly advise against getting involved in this situation. Tell your friend to tell his parents that he has no further contact with you and this is his own desicion.  This is not a situation you want to be involved in as some cultures are very fanatic about arranging a childs marraige and become very angry if the arrangement is broken. They will hate you if you end up with him at least for many years. I would say move on, and tell him maybe you can support him by email or phone but thier is no chance of you being together. Peace