Please guide me... Please...

Assalamu Alaikkum,

My name is Nycin. I am a B.Tech graduate and I completed my graduation in 2005. I am presently working in Kerala as a software engineer.

I loved a girl very much, Rejina, during my college years, who was my classmate. I didn't disclose my love for her, for years. But when I was in a situation that I cannot live without her, I disclosed it to her, by calling her to a private room. But she no longer accepted it, nor did she talk to me after that.

But for about 7yrs, she is the only lady in my mind, and I will not and cannot think of a lady other than her, in my whole life.

Many times, I decided to suicide. But I can't do it, since there is no escape for the one who suicides, from hell. I know that well. And that is the only thing, that stands between me and death.

I cry a lot thinking of her, everywhere. I had to take leave from my office instantly, some days, because I cannot control my weeping. I don't look at the face of anybody now, because I have hatred for all. I have to go home twice a week, to forget everything. But I can't forget anything...

Please don't advise me to marry, because I don't want to destroy another woman's life, by thinking of my love. I can't adapt to anyone other than Rejina, because I am so tuned to her. I can't live without her.

I had one close friend, and she is also hating me these days. I could talk to her even in mid-night over telephone. But she is also neglecting me these days. I have no intention to love/marry her, because she is my true friend.

But no one in this world understands me. Should I suicide and go to hell? Even hell is better for me in my present condition.

I have also lost faith in Allah. I know that He is there. But will not help me ONLY in this regard. I have prayed him to give me my love, even in midnight, for hours, for months on end. But none to hear...

I don't care about Islam these days, even though I had 5 times Namaz years back. These days, I don't even go for Juma.

My love is everything for me, because I loved one and only one, in my life time.

Please guide me...
Nycin.

I hate this world... I hate myself.

seriously you should seek professional medical help.