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Still not married
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Alinea View Drop Down
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Joined: 04 May 2008
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Points: 6 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Alinea Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 May 2008 at 7:57pm
Mohammed, I appreciate the offer but I don't think that your method will be good for me or for those you have in mind. By the way this is a womens only forum you should not be on here. Please respect the womens forum and stop reading our topics.

I did not post this topic to try and get proposals. I post it because I am trying to understand my situation and seeking my options from sisters. Possibly others that may have been through a situation similar to mine. I am trying to have patience with my whole situation. Its just really hard most of the time and I don't know what else to do. I am certainly not jealous of those around me that have it all but i am envious of those that have good families. 
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dian View Drop Down
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Points: 7 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote dian Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 May 2008 at 9:22pm
Dear Sister Alinea,
I know what you feel. getting married is an act of worship in our Deen, so if you are ready to get married, i think you should start going through the process according to the ways prescribed in our Deen. For a start i think you should get more involved in the muslim community in your surrounding. Talk to the imam of your masjid coz for the time being, maybe it is the best solution for you. You may also talk to your family and discuss this matter.
We are supposed to dedicate every single second of our time in worship. i believe that your problem, more or less, influences your quality of worship, so that you will stay focused. i may be wrong, but sister i think you should take serious actions to overcome this situation.
Don't give up sister, work hard and believe that His Help is near...
Lots of love Smile
Dian
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Mystical View Drop Down
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Joined: 31 May 2008
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Points: 54 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Mystical Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 June 2008 at 10:58pm
Originally posted by Alinea Alinea wrote:

As-salam-A-Lai-Kum,

I need some guidance on what to do. I am almost 32 years old and still not married. My mother does not seem so concerned in finding me a suitable match. My father passed away several years ago. I have tried searching for myself through several matrimonial sights but only come across people who either loose interest in me or are too moderinzed in there ways. I am very tired of searching and also very alone. Can anyone please offer me any advice on what I should do. I don't have very much contact with the Muslim community and really don't know anyone who can help me. I pray to Allah and ask for guidance but I must not be understanding something because I can't find the right person that will marry me.
WaSalam
 
 
Why are you waiting on your mother? Anyway marriage isnt the be all and end all. Learn to be happy as a single and don't depend on marriage to define the person you are. If marriage is so important to you maybe you should stop being so picky and take whatever comes along.Embarrassed
 
I see mohammad kindly offered his help but you rejected it. Maybe you should reconsider.  
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Shasta'sAunt View Drop Down
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Points: 1930 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Shasta'sAunt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 June 2008 at 12:54am
"Anyway marriage isnt the be all and end all."
 
 Islamically marriage is half of our deen, our submission to Allah. If the marriage is good it helps to strengthen our faith and keep us strong.
�No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.�
Eleanor Roosevelt
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Mystical View Drop Down
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Joined: 31 May 2008
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Points: 54 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Mystical Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 June 2008 at 1:13am
Originally posted by Shasta'sAunt Shasta'sAunt wrote:

"Anyway marriage isnt the be all and end all."
 
 Islamically marriage is half of our deen, our submission to Allah. If the marriage is good it helps to strengthen our faith and keep us strong.
 
Please explain. I don't understand what you mean by "half our deen". What would the other half be? Are you saying Allah expects all Muslims to get married? You know this from the Quran?
 
 
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Chrysalis View Drop Down
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Points: 2033 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chrysalis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 June 2008 at 12:15pm
Originally posted by Mystical Mystical wrote:

Originally posted by Shasta'sAunt Shasta'sAunt wrote:

"Anyway marriage isnt the be all and end all."
 
 Islamically marriage is half of our deen, our submission to Allah. If the marriage is good it helps to strengthen our faith and keep us strong.
 
Please explain. I don't understand what you mean by "half our deen". What would the other half be? Are you saying Allah expects all Muslims to get married? You know this from the Quran?
 
 
 
What do you mean that Allah "expects" all Muslims to get married? According to Islam, Allah "encourages" all Muslims to get married . . . .and so did the Prophet. Does that mean that a single Muslim is NOT a good muslim, or has half-entered Islam? Absolutley Not. And there is no such thing in the qur'an.
 
Every where in Islamic texts it is written that IF Muslims are "able" to marry, they should. Thus stressing on the strongly encouraged part. That doesnt make not marrying a sin.
 
Obviousley any Muslim who cannot find a mate, or is unable to, or has other problems . . . will not marry. However, muslims should not delay marriage/not marry just because of ones education or career or finances, but should find a way to accomodate it with marriage. Why? Bcz Islam frowns upon promiscuity and random sex. Thus marriage is the way out.
 
The reason why sometimes it is termed as 'half-the-deen' is to stress upon its significance and benefits. When people have a legal, loving and secure relationship, and an outlet for sexual energy . . . they are better able to focus on other aspects, such as being contributing members of a society, gaining education, thier job etc etc.
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Chrysalis View Drop Down
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Joined: 25 November 2007
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Points: 2033 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chrysalis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 June 2008 at 12:31pm
Alinea:
 
I pray that insha'allah you find a suitable, loving husband, and your wish is fulfilled. . . .
 
However, until then . . .I would strongly advise you NOT TO FRET ABOUT IT. :) Leave it in Allah's hands. And trust him, and continue praying and hoping the best from Allah.
 
Try not to dwell on the issue too much! Find single (female) friends your age, so you dont have free time on your hands and are able to enjoy your life. Don't think about your single-hood too much. . . it'll only cause you to become depressed. Be strong and confident . .  .tell yourself (and I believe that myself) that you don't have to have a man just to feel complete and happy! Why should u be dependent on someone else to live ur life? Come on . . . I agree, marriage is nice and all . . . but whats the point of thinking about all that.
 
All things have advantages and disadvantages. . . right? Bieng single has its pros & cons. . . so does marriage. So right now, at this point, until u do get married . . . .Focus on the advantages of being single, and disadvantages of being married! LOL. Yea, Yea all the married ppl will try n say tht marriage is a bed of roses . . . but not always!!! :)
You are in control of your life . . . and dont have to worry about pleasing/displeasing your partner. Your schedule revolves around you and your activities!!! You dont have to tag along with a partner on compulsory, boring family events or office parties! You dont hav to worry about Budgets, or spending . . . less housework . . . etc etc. Get a pet . . .explore your talents, hobbies. . . go out . . .and live your single-life to the max. Think of it this way, until u get married insha'allah you hav to really achieve something career/education wise while ur single. Once ur married, life will change drastically . . and things will never be the same again. So enjoy single-hood while u can.
 
Plus, its not like your very old. 32 is a gr8 age! :) A relative of mine got widowed at 23 , 2yrs after marriage and had 2 kids . . . fortunatley she realized that worrying abt things wasnt gonna help. She pursued her education AND her career. Alhamdulilah she got married at 33 . . .10yrs later. One would hav thot she had more chances of getting hitched at the tender age of 23! rather than 33 . . . but she did. . .  Allah works in mysterious ways.
 
Best Of Luck! :D


Edited by Chrysalis - 15 July 2008 at 6:17am
"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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Zaharah View Drop Down
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Joined: 01 June 2008
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Points: 273 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Zaharah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 June 2008 at 8:33pm
As-salam-A-Lai-Kum.
Hello my sista just wanting to encourage you.  I met and married my husband of 6yrs now online and im wanting you to know u can do the same thing.  Just remain patient like you already are and Allah will see.  Of course there are people out there that you need to be aware of but trust in your creator and never give up hope.  I was once in your shoes and the moment i quit talking about it and it left my mind  Allah blessed me.  i was in my mid 30's and it happened when i let go of the fact that i waw getting older and not married.  so keep the faith and soon you will be on your way.  Insha AllahThumbs%20Up  
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