IslamiCity.org Homepage
Forum Home Forum Home > Culture & Community > Groups : Women (Sisters)
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - arranged marriage  What is Islam What is Islam  Donate Donate
  FAQ FAQ  Quran Search Quran Search  Forum Search   Events   Register Register  Login Login

arranged marriage
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1 567
Author
Message
  Topic Search Topic Search  Topic Options Topic Options
Chrysalis View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: 25 November 2007
Status: Offline
Points: 2033 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chrysalis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 August 2008 at 10:48am
Originally posted by Israfil Israfil wrote:

 
I said: 
Although I have no problem with each individual having thier own personal preferences when choosing a spouse, I disagree with ppl/men who think it is a woman/wife's obligation to earn, contribute financially. Its ok if due to personal circumstances or preferences, an individual desires a financially stable wife. . . but they shouldnt defend it as a norm, or the way to go. Infact, if thier wives work, they should take it as extra help or good-will on thier part. . . not as thier right.
 
 
You Said: 
Chrysalis fine you disagree but these are my preferences. Don't worry you don't have to marry me,
What a childish thing to say! I thought this was a mature discussion!
 
Quote but respect the fact that these are my personal standards. Yes these are unIslamic so-to-speak but God knows my intentions on why I have these beliefs.
 
 
I think Israfil, that I already stated in my previous post, that I'm ok with ppl's personal preferences with regards to choosing a spouse - whatever they may be, as long as they are reasonable. Why you think that I'm disrespecting you is beyond me. Infact, I took care to not even adderess you directly - when giving my opinions. Which is why I have not been commenting on your personal preferences, but the general notions of some men. Hence I never gave a personal comment on you or how your preferences are 'unislamic' etc etc. I thought we were having a rational, general discussion here.
 
Also, just wanted to point out, that wanting a wife who is financially independent is not exactly 'unislamic'. True, Islam lays the brunt of Financial Responsibilities (pulling her wieght as well as his own) on the Man, but that doesnt mean that if a couple are sharing expenses, it is unislamic! As long as both the spouses mutually decide to do whatever with regards to finances . . . nothing Islamically wrong with it. It only becomes unislamic if a husband forces, expects, pressurizes his wife into sharing HIS responsibilities. . . and shirks his own. Even if the woman is a breadwinner - due to her own free will, NOTHING wrong with it Islamically.
 
 
Quote I will agree that historically, socially, relgiiously and all other categories of life women do encounter a lot more adversity than men I will give you that and many times I tip my hat to the brave women who endure this but don't give me this whinning explanation that because of this this is only right women are relieved of the financial burden. That is a poor excuse and defense to what you are saying.
 
Whos whining about financial responsibilities here? Not the women. If there is a tad bit of whining here, its in your posts of 'why should I have to be the breadwinner' . . . and yes, I think thats about the only part where I pointed at you personally.
 
Also, dont be contradictory. . .you salute women for encountering more adversity than men, yet STILL expect them to 'prove themselves' by bieng financially independent. 'Braves' get priveleges. . . and since they have to encounter adversities in some areas, they deserve to sit back in other areas.
Also, dont you think its unfair that Men get to shift thier share of the work (earning) onto the women, but even if the women wanted to, they cannot shift thier burdens (childbearing/nursing) on the man?
 
If we were to draw a table of the burdens males have to bear versus females (humans) . . . we would see that females have to go thru more. Hence Allah put the 'finances' part in the coloumn of the Man, to even things out - Equity.
 
This is the way I look at it . . .
  
Quote Hell, my ancestors tioled the American earth for centuries without a thank you. Women raped and men were lynched. Did I, a descendant from these hardworking people receive anything or benfited from this?
Your ancestors toiled the American earth . . . not you. So why do you expect to benefit from what your ancestors did? To every man the fruit of his own action.
 
You cannot apply this analogy to women, and say that they should not expect priveleges for what they go through. If I were to say that my ancestors went through childbirth, nursing, menstruation etc, and we modern women dont . . .you could use this e.g. But since each and every woman goes through all the above (and more), she can expect priveleges, since she herself went through all this - and not just her ancestors. Hope u get my point.
 
 
Quote If anything a woman should be relieved of financial burden when she is carrying the child during those 9 months.
 
How gracious you sound!
FYI womanhood and its accompanying package does not last a mere 9 months.
 
Quote  I'm sure there are hardowrking women who would love to not have to worry about their own bills anf finances but I'm sure they also appreciate working hard having to provide not only for themselves but for their lovedones be it single moms or whole families.
 
So who's disrespecting those women? Are you saying that just because some women have to work/worry about thier finances - all women should also be doing the same - just out of 'respect' ?
I could use the same e.g and say that men who are not sole-breadwinners are a disrespect to those who, like u say 'bust thier bottoms' for thier families and are sole earners?
 
 
 
Quote Like I said these are criterias I have for myself. Trust me a male female ratio of 10 to 1 I'm sur eI'd have no problem eventually finding the one I want who understands where I'm coming from.
 
 
Inshalah Brother . . . however, like I said before - your personal preferences have nothing to do with this. 'Just arguing with your general view that 'in order to prove thier worth, women should be helping with finances, and only then are they respect-worthy'. If this was just something that you restricted to you and your spouse, I wouldnt have an issue.
 
 


Edited by Chrysalis - 06 August 2008 at 10:53am
"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
Back to Top
Israfil View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar
Joined: 08 September 2003
Status: Offline
Points: 3984 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Israfil Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 August 2008 at 9:54pm

S.A. you say marrying a woman working is essentially the same thing as a woman who is with a guy for his money. You say these two are the same I say these are different I thought I explained myself on why I consider these two different you don't accept that explanation so we can leave it right there.

What a childish thing to say! I thought this was a mature discussion!
 
 
LOL. It was a subtle joke. I apologize for not putting emoticons there.
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1 567
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down

Forum Software by Web Wiz Forums® version 12.03
Copyright ©2001-2019 Web Wiz Ltd.