IslamiCity.org Homepage
Forum Home Forum Home > Culture & Community > Groups : Women (Sisters)
  New Posts New Posts RSS Feed - Still not married  What is Islam What is Islam  Donate Donate
  FAQ FAQ  Quran Search Quran Search  Forum Search   Events   Register Register  Login Login

Still not married
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1 23456 7>
Author
Message
  Topic Search Topic Search  Topic Options Topic Options
Chrysalis View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar

Joined: 25 November 2007
Status: Offline
Points: 2033 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Chrysalis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 July 2008 at 6:13am
Originally posted by Alinea Alinea wrote:

Chrysalis,

Society and cultural norms make this even more difficult especially for women after a certain age. I have heard some very cruel comments directly and indirectly.
 
My goal has never been to marry someone for the sake of marrying. I do believe that one must choose a spouse carefully. Most people say I am picky but I am not running after looks, or wealth. I am thinking about a person's imam, our compatibility levels, and his family. To me those are the important traits in choosing a spouse. However, I feel that men (at least the ones that I meet) are looking for perfection. Maybe I am yet to meet the right individuals who are more realistic about their life partners but I am also limited to meeting Muslims let alone those that have more realistic standards.

 
Unfortunately sis, Society can be very cruel at times. . . Ouch Can't live with 'em, Can't live without 'em.
 
Which is why society is not to be taken seriousley. And I know what u mean when u say that. . . I'm sorry to say that I myself know very close relatives who say the same remarks about others, externally coated with sympathy - but actually the purpose is malicious intent, or gossip or lack of any propductive purpose in life/activity.
 
I'm afraid the percentage of women who get married because of external pressures, for the sake of marriage is not insignificant.
 
Also, just wanted to say, what you require from your future spouse, is not at all picky. Give yourself that much credit. Also, unfortunatley the muslim world does have a lack of suitable matches these days. . . (sorry ppl who disagree!) But thats where Faith & Fate comes in. . . you know not what Allah has in store for you. And whatever he does have in store for you, is your special purpose and task, which may not even mean marriage! Or maybe it does! Walla hu Alam.
 
So don't worry that you have limited muslim contact, and thus face difficulties finding a spouse. Allah has already ordained how/if/when you are going to meet ur future spouse - that is the Muslim faith. We know not, the ways Allah works. Hazrat Umme-Salama (Prophet Muhammad's) wife just came to my mind. She was deeply in love with her husband AbuSalama, and he would say that if I die before you, May Allah give you a husband better than me. After AbuSalama was martyred, Umme Salama would often weep when she thought of her beloved martyred husband, and what he said, and she would say, 'Who could be a better husband than AbuSalama?' - Alhamdulilah Allah had His ways. . . and she got married to Prophet Muhammad sometime later! Subhanallah. Could she possibly have imagined/though of that? Smile
 
Also, Allah says Himself in a Hadith Qudsi, "I am as my servant expects me to be" meaning that Allah fulfills the expectations that His servants have of Him. . . which is why one should always have positive expectations of our Lord.
 
So do not give up faith in Allah, and continue to pray to Him, especially after midnight, before Fajr. In another Hadith Qudsi :
 
On the authority of Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him), who said that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said:
Our Lord (glorified and exalted be He) descends each night to the earth's sky when there remains the final third of the night, and He says: Who is saying a prayer to Me that I may answer it? Who is asking something of Me that I may give it him? Who is asking forgiveness of Me that I may forgive him?

It was related by al-Bukhari (also by Muslim, Malik, at-Tirmidhi and Abu Dawud).


Edited by Chrysalis - 15 July 2008 at 6:14am
"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
Back to Top
jannaseeker View Drop Down
Starter
Starter
Avatar
Joined: 15 September 2007
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 7 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote jannaseeker Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 July 2008 at 4:15pm
Sister Alinea, you are not alone, i turned 32 in April this year and putting my trust in Allah, He knows best. Prayer and lots of patience.

It is not giving me sleppless nights either, am happy and praying that Allah provides
It is actually more difficult to find a good muslim husband especially when you are highly educated and independent......

Wa Allahu Alim
Back to Top
Gabriela View Drop Down
Starter
Starter
Avatar
Joined: 14 September 2008
Location: Canada
Status: Offline
Points: 5 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gabriela Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 September 2008 at 6:08pm
Dear sister,
pray to Allah and put your trust in his response to your prayers.
Also, be carefull about bringing man from another countries as some man want to marry girls from the Western countries to get the visa. The best way is by going to mosque, meeting sisters who can help you or talking to Imam.
Wish you all the best.
 
Back to Top
mowgli View Drop Down
Starter
Starter

Joined: 22 February 2008
Location: United Kingdom
Status: Offline
Points: 12 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mowgli Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 September 2008 at 8:27am
Assalamu'alaykum sister,

I feel for you, its a difficult thing to be uncertain about your future - like you, I too crave stability and certainty in my life, and feel that I can only find that in a stable, happy marriage.

Just wanted to make two points:
1. That Allah rewards those who are patient. Until you are married, or in a position to be thinking about marriage to someone, try to reflect on the blessings in your life that Allah has seen fit to give you.
'Therefore remember Me, I will remember you, and be thankful to Me, and do not be ungrateful to Me.O you who believe! seek assistance through patience and prayer; surely Allah is with the patient.' 2:152-153

Secondly, if you are interested in finding someone who is committed to his deen, try looking through your local mosques. Some of them run marriage courses/events, and people who attend these type of events are more likely to be islamically minded.

Hope insha'Allah things improve for you
Back to Top
hijabi4evr View Drop Down
Starter
Starter
Avatar
Joined: 21 September 2008
Location: Barbados
Status: Offline
Points: 5 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote hijabi4evr Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 September 2008 at 6:48am
salam sister

i think you should talk to some of your muslim friends on helping you find a good match for you. im sure they know muslim guyz that would be just right.
or if that doent work out confront your mom and tell her that you are seriuse about getting married and since your father passed away she should atleast try to help you find a suitable husband. this is just my opinion. i hope everything works out for you just fine.Big%20smile
Back to Top
Hayfa View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar
Female
Joined: 07 June 2005
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 2368 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hayfa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 September 2008 at 8:31pm
Sad to saythat people are not inclined tohelp marry the single people for fear of being "blamed" if the marriage turns out poorly.
 
The local Imam at a mosque here introduced me to a brother. And we met face ot facwe and hw told us to take it from there as he does not want to be responsible. I guess he expected us to date..lol
 
If your family is not helping you, or you don't have a Muslim family the road is tough going.
 
Patience and prayer are important.
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
Back to Top
Shasta'sAunt View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member

Female
Joined: 29 March 2008
Status: Offline
Points: 1930 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Shasta'sAunt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 September 2008 at 9:21pm
Originally posted by Hayfa Hayfa wrote:

Sad to saythat people are not inclined tohelp marry the single people for fear of being "blamed" if the marriage turns out poorly.
 
The local Imam at a mosque here introduced me to a brother. And we met face ot facwe and hw told us to take it from there as he does not want to be responsible. I guess he expected us to date..lol
 
If your family is not helping you, or you don't have a Muslim family the road is tough going.
 
Patience and prayer are important.
 
Do you have a wali, or a close friend whose husband can check up on the brother for you?
�No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.�
Eleanor Roosevelt
Back to Top
Hayfa View Drop Down
Senior Member
Senior Member
Avatar
Female
Joined: 07 June 2005
Location: United States
Status: Offline
Points: 2368 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hayfa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 September 2008 at 10:09pm
haha... no.. you know its the western lifestyle.. people are really just too busy.. and then the brother, who may become your wali, has to know you weel enough to then make adequate judgements.. and how does that happen?
 
People in general are more inclined to take a hands off approach.. there are a few people setting things up..
 
But me, I am not worried about it.. its in Allah's hands so to speak.
 
And the women are half afraid their husbands will want another wife.. .lol
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
Back to Top
 Post Reply Post Reply Page  <1 23456 7>
  Share Topic   

Forum Jump Forum Permissions View Drop Down

Forum Software by Web Wiz Forums® version 12.03
Copyright ©2001-2019 Web Wiz Ltd.