Wife 1.0

Dear Tech Support Team:   
 
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0. 
 
I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. 
  
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities. 
  
Applications such as Bachelor Nights 10.3, Cricket 5.0, Beer With Buddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't  seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. 
  
I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the 'un-install' doesn't work on Wife 1.0. 
 Please help! 
  
 Thanks,
"A Troubled User" 
 
REPLY: 
 
Dear Troubled User: 
 
This is a very common problem that people complain about. 
  
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that   it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. 
 
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!! ! 
 
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to   Girlfriend 5.0. 
  
It is impossible to un-install, or purge the program files from the system once installed. 
 
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed   not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony- Child Support) . 
 
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment. 
  
I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to   alleviate software augmentation. 
 
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE   because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the  system will return to normal anyway.
 
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5     and Do Laundry 4.2. However, be very careful how  you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . 
 
Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software.... I recommend designer apparel/shoes/ accessories 2.1 and Jewelry 5.0 
  
STATUTORY WARNING : DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0   and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
 
Best of luck,
Tech Support ...