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FEELINGS |
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samriha 
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Joined: 04 November 2008 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 12 |
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 Topic: FEELINGSPosted: 28 December 2008 at 9:32pm |
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salam to all,
As you may all know every person has feelings, but sometimes one does not know how to show them.I have already posted two topics, that relate to my life.love is a very power full word.and it hurts so badly. I am marride and i have a baby girl.It is so sad to talk about the way i feel but i will so others can learn from me.My husband has another wife before me and has kids from her.Any way we use to be real lovers before we got marride.After his wife found out about me every thing started to change.I am living a life that really hurts.He lives with his frist wife and kids and is like he just forgot about me and my baby.I would call him every day and tell him how much i love and need him.My life feels like it is not even there.
Some of you may think that i am wrong for staying with him but the love i have for him i can't explain.He makes me feel like i don't mean any thing too him.My only dream is to have a family of my own,and when he stop comming to my home i could see that he is changing.How can a man pray to ALLAH all times and treat me his wife like i am dead .He will never take me any way,he don't allow me to go any way but always tell me that he has to take his wife and kids out. Some times I wish i was dead but the faith i have in ALLAH and the love i have for him is keeping me strong.All i want is a normal life with him and my baby.He is always saying to ask god to help me but he i not doing any thing to help our marrage .My question is what do you think that i can do so i would not hurt this much?
SALAM.
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naazz
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Joined: 24 December 2008 Status: Offline Points: 21 |
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Posted: 29 December 2008 at 4:28pm |
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Asalamualaikum
Dear Sister,it is very sad indeed.may Allah give you courage.But what i get from your post(s) is that He was already married and you knew it.So now you can imagine the plight of that woman who happens to be his first wife and mother of his children.How devastating it would have been for her when she would have came to know about you...!Basically,this is the human nature,we can't feel what other person is going through until and unless we caught our own self in the same situation.i have no intention to hurt you.i just want you to realize the harsh facts and accept them.Ofcourse,it will be very difficult for you but you have no other option.Do you?
So have faith in Allah.Love HIM as HE is deserved to be loved and you will see that all your sorrows will vanish.Allah's rememberance is the best panacea.
I am sorry,if i have hurt you.
May Allah solve your problems.
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Nausheen
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Female Joined: 10 January 2001 Status: Offline Points: 4251 |
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Posted: 24 February 2009 at 11:36pm |
Auzubillahi minash Shaitan ir Rajeem,
Bismillah ir Rahman ir Rahim,
Assalamualiakum Dear Samriha,
Multiple marriages are acceptable in Islam. InshAllah you know this. It appears you have knowingly chosen this situation for yourself, alhamdulillah, and would have been prepared to deal with it.
It is correct to desire a family life with your husband, and it is his duty to give that to you. InshAllah I hope you know that you have to share this family life and his time with another family, however.
I would like to ask you a few things, if you don't mind.
1. Is your husband supporting you and your daughter?
2. Does your family know about your situation, and can you turn to them for emotional support?
3. Do you have a friend circle, and aquaitences in the muslim community - a social life?
4. How do you spend your time?
It appears that your husband is finding it difficult to cope with two families, and he does not want to break up his home for the sake of kids from first marriage. It would be best if you give him some time and space to adjust to the new conditions.
If he loves you, and supports you, but is only not around all the time when you need him, then try to have patience with this. Ask Allah to fascilitate you with better situations.
Be strong in your adherence to Islam. Observe your prayers on time, as this is the best form of worship. Supplicate Allah much. Recite the Quran, and send much salawat on Rasul sallallahu alaihe wasallam. Thank Allah much for the blessings He has bestowed on you, and He gives more to those who are grateful.
If you have free time, try ot get involved in any type of volunteer work, something that keeps you busy and your mind off things that bother you, but you cannot change.
Have patience sister, Allah is with the patient, as He has promised in the Quran.
Barak Allahu Feeki!
Edited by Nausheen - 24 February 2009 at 11:39pm |
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<font color=purple>Wanu nazzilu minal Qurani ma huwa
Shafaa un wa rahmatun lil mo'mineena wa la yaziduzzalimeena illa khasara.[/COLOR] |
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Hayfa
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Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368 |
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Posted: 25 February 2009 at 5:26am |
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Asalam Alaikum, I am sorry you are going through this pain..How long have you been married? Here are a few thoughts I had.. 1. Had your husband truly thought about what it entails to have two wives? It is very hard for a man to do well. It absolutely can be done but it takes a lot of work on HIS part. Which, from what you say, right now he is not doing. This is one issue. A man must work to be equal in his time between both families 2. Of course you love him AND it is really, really important that we do not make our �love� of ANYTHING in this Dunya more important than our love for Allah. It is hard, I agree. 3. Your husband knows EXACTLY where you are. You are calling him everyday. Telling him how much you love him, etc. etc. Well you know what.. you are making it easy for him sister. You have given him all this power to make you happy or not happy. It is hard to not do this. We are human and we have weaknesses. But I would stop calling him every day. You are chasing him. Honestly YOU are worth more than that. If he is an DENSE and cannot see the value in you and your daughter�well.. he is. It is when we have really low self-esteem at any given time we can let people treat us as doormats. I have done this. 4. As Nausheen suggested get involved to take your mind off of what is going on. It really does not help us when we go over and over things in our mind. (This drives me nuts when I do this to myself.) I can do that and that is why teaching karate helps keep me sane. I do something, I help others and I take my mind off myself. Think of the wives of the Prophet.. they were married to him. He was probably a busy guy... they did good works, fed the poor, worked at home, helped in the communities etc. There is much that you can do. 5. Give it some space and time. Then you must do 2 things: a. think, �can I live in this type of marriage?� Polygyny is a fine option. If he were doing what he should, spending � of the time with him.. are you fine with that? b. If you are fine with a good polygyny marriage than you must, when you have given yourself space and time, discuss it with your husband. Can he adjust and he a good husband to you both? If not then ultimately you then have to decide if you will stay. All Muslims have rights and duties. And we each need to be our own advocate. c. If he is a praying Muslim then you should call to him to really think about the gifts he has received. He has two wives, he probably cares for� and he has this challenge. Can he act in kindness and regard in both? I would calmly bring this up to him. He then must discuss this with your co-wife. What type of life does someone want? All people are tested. If she is a practicing Muslim then SHE needs to decide how she wants to live her life. Give yourself time and space.. reacting with so much emotions can cause us to do things we regret later. My Duas for you. Hayfa |
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When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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shawaya
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Joined: 09 October 2008 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 13 |
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Posted: 25 February 2009 at 5:41pm |
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Salam allykum sister i am very soory for what ur going thru, but it will get better insha allah, have faith,
for one sister, the other sister are right, the other wife most have went thru the same thing.
you said your were lover, when he was married to his other wife, i belief, to him, it was always easy for him to have you. now you are calling him, everyday.
the second thing. i think that he feells like he has to make up to his wife now, so he is spending all this time with her and her kids.
another point i wanted to make is, ask if your husband always wanted 2wives or did this just happend. beacuse you a man has inform his first wife when he is getting married again to get pleassing.
IF you just happend with no preperation then i think you should take the time for both of to figure things out.
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Hayfa
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Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368 |
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Posted: 26 February 2009 at 8:20am |
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Salaams,
beacuse you a man has inform his first wife when he is getting married again to get pleassing.
Did you mean he must get her 'agreement' or 'permission?' This is not the case. I may have mis-read what you wrote. If I did I apologize.
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When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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samriha123
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Male Joined: 26 February 2009 Status: Offline Points: 5 |
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Posted: 05 March 2009 at 8:25pm |
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SALAM ALLYKUM TO ALL,
I WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU ALL FOR BEGING THERE FOR ME .
IN MY TIME OF NEED.REALLY I KNOW THAT SOME OF YOU THAT READ WHAT I WROTE ,WILL UNDERSTAND,AND I KNOW ALLAH KNOWS WHAT IS BEST.I
AM SORRY I DID NOT REPLY BEFORE BECAUSE I COULD NOT GET MY PW RESET. INSHALLA EVERY THING WILL BE OK.FOR THOSE OF YOU THAT DON'T KNOW MY HUSBAND ALWAYS WANTED ANOTHER WIFE BUT I DON'T
KNOW WHY IT IS THIS WAY.ALLAH KNOWS WHY WE HAVE THESE TIMES IN OUR LIVES AND IT IS UP TO HIM NOT US ONLY.THINGS DO HAPPEN FOR
A REASON.TO SISTER HAYFA AND OTHERS THANK YOU .FEEL FREE TO LEAVE ME PM.
SALAM,SAMRIHA Edited by samriha123 - 05 March 2009 at 8:27pm |
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samriha wrote: