Mixed Marriage

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   In 2005, I agreed to marry a woman. But we had to wait for her divorce. In the meantime, deploring the way I had been too long living, I at last converted to Islam. My wife did not convert. Partly because she is a member of the Chinese Communist Party. But mostly because Islam (the Religions of the Book generally) make little sense to traditional Chinese habits of mind. I married her because 1) she is as good a woman as one could ask for, 2) she divorced her husband to marry me---it seemed wrong to break a promise to marry her, especially so since she was already in her mid-forties.

I realize it is incumbent on me to bring her to Islam, if possible. Any suggestions how?

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xenophon Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Male Joined: 10 November 2009 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 57	Post Options Post Reply Quote xenophon Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Topic: Mixed Marriage Posted: 11 November 2009 at 3:34am
	In 2005, I agreed to marry a woman. But we had to wait for her divorce. In the meantime, deploring the way I had been too long living, I at last converted to Islam. My wife did not convert. Partly because she is a member of the Chinese Communist Party. But mostly because Islam (the Religions of the Book generally) make little sense to traditional Chinese habits of mind. I married her because 1) she is as good a woman as one could ask for, 2) she divorced her husband to marry me---it seemed wrong to break a promise to marry her, especially so since she was already in her mid-forties. I realize it is incumbent on me to bring her to Islam, if possible. Any suggestions how?

abuayisha Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Muslim Joined: 05 October 1999 Location: Los Angeles Status: Offline Points: 5105	Post Options Post Reply Quote abuayisha Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 12 November 2009 at 9:43am
	" I married her because 1) she is as good a woman as one could ask for, 2) she divorced her husband to marry me---" Seems an oxymoron to me�

Akhe Abdullah Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Male Joined: 19 November 2008 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 1252	Post Options Post Reply Quote Akhe Abdullah Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 12 November 2009 at 11:26am
	Salams X yes she should become Muslim that is best.May Allah Guide her to Islam.May Allah Help you to be a good leader.If she is into traditional ways as you say,then it should not be a problem at the risk of sounding sexist i wont explain further. Edited by Akhe Abdullah - 12 November 2009 at 11:30am

martha Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 30 October 2007 Status: Offline Points: 1140	Post Options Post Reply Quote martha Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 12 November 2009 at 12:15pm
	Best to let her come to Islam in her own time. Just be a good example to her, then the rest will follow. THink of it like this. If someone had tried to revert you to Islam before you were ready, what would you most likely have done? Run the opposite direction? So be patient with her.
	some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set

xenophon Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Male Joined: 10 November 2009 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 57	Post Options Post Reply Quote xenophon Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 13 November 2009 at 6:07am
	Point noted. Her ex-husband had shortcomings that brought on the failure of the marriage. I have asked Allah's forgiveness for the matter and realize I may have to pay nonetheless. Better to accept His justice than deny it. That being said, please refrain from subtle insults against my wife whom you do not even know. If you want to cast aspersions as to character faults, I offer a perfectly good target. I am trying to put two lives in order here. There are literally thousands of forums where you can parade your vocabulary and impress people with words like "oxymoron."

Hayfa Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368	Post Options Post Reply Quote Hayfa Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 13 November 2009 at 9:47am
	Asaalam Alaikum, i agree with Martha, be patient. It is really up to Allah. Work to better yourself and become the best Muslim you can be. Educate yourself. I know a number of women who married their Muslim husbands and later became Muslims. It is a journey. The first thing is to know does she believe in God. I do think that it SHOULD be part of your decision to marry. This is a basic question.. for men may marry "people of the Book: But does she deny the existence of God? You need to look beyond the surface - labels , etc and discuss - if you have not already- what she believes in. As a revert, I would not recommend any Muslim, especially a "new" Muslim marry a nonMuslim. To not share it in the home would be problematic.Think about 5 years down the road. What do you visualize. Islam is central to the core self, I think it would not work. To not share it with your spouse - unless you were already married, would be tough. Its tough if you are already married. Deen is most important. I'd chat with her and get an idea of where she is at in general with religion. Some people are very negative towards religion. Don't want to marry into that.. My duas for you. hayfa
	When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi

xenophon Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Male Joined: 10 November 2009 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 57	Post Options Post Reply Quote xenophon Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 14 November 2009 at 5:29am
	Thanks Hayfa. It has recently occurred to me that one problem with her becoming Muslim is me. For too long a time after conversion I continued as my same bad-tempered self. Ready to argue too easily. Confrontational. Impatient. The only difference was I did salat, paid zakat, and read the Quran. A foul-tempered man who prays does not, for that reason, become more bearable. More recently, I've begun to making a systematic effort to follow the Prophet's (PBUH)teachings about self-control and anger. But I have a few years bad example to live down yet. Thanks for the duah again.

fais Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 24 August 2009 Location: Oman Status: Offline Points: 344	Post Options Post Reply Quote fais Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 November 2009 at 12:10am
	Salam, read durud when you feel angry,insha allah u will be able to controll your anger, allhumma salli alaa mohammadin wa aalaa aale mohammadin,kamaa sallaita alaa ibrahima wa aalaa aale ibrahima innaka hameedunmajeed. try this