Gender-Relations

So I came across this article on a website the other day - made for an interesting read, so thought I'd share it here. Made me think, there are not many contemporary works on "Gender-Interaction". In fact, come to think of it - this is probably the only such article I have read that actually addresses 'Gender Relations'  !
Now, one may agree or disagree with certain points in this article - if you have any comments/input/views, please do share. I think it would be interesting to know what members think of Gender-Relations in Islam - when faced with contemporary issues. Better still, what is your approach towards Gender-Relations ?

Anyway, here goes the article:

Where Do You Sit? An Imaginary �Real Life� Gender Interaction Scenario

All aboard! You�re a happeningly hip young practicing Muslim attending the local university. After staying for an unnecessarily long MSA Exec Board meeting on campus, you are forced to take the train home during rush hour. You really want to get home in time for dinner, so you hurry to the station and barely squeeze into one of the cars in time for the express ride home. As you make your way to find a seat, you notice two, and only two open seats. However, next to each of the spots are two young outrageously attractive passengers of the opposite gender the likes of super models; one non-Muslim and the other a practicing Muslim from your MSA, community, and masjid. You�re dead tired from the day and standing is not an option on this 45 minute ride. As the train leaves, the question emerges: where do you sit?

Keep in mind that this is an express ride. The train boards now, and doesn�t stop until your stop many miles away. Therefore finding open seats and moving from car to car is very difficult, and where you sit is where you sit, period. So let�s look at our options.

Option 1a: Sit with the non-Muslim


Better to sit with some �stranger� than to make it awkward by sitting next to the sister, right? Not necessarily. Many Muslims are very lax when interacting with non-Muslims of the opposite gender yet very strict about not even acknowledging the existence of their fellow Muslim sisters, an incorrect way of thinking. Not to mention the uneasiness of sitting next to a dangerously attractive human being. Sure you won�t �do� anything, but your eyes certainly might. After all, it was related that the Prophet (SAW) said that the first look is the poison tipped arrow of Shaytan. Ouch! This option doesn�t look so promising.


Option 1b:  Sit with the Muslim


Better than sitting with the non-Muslim? Doesn�t seem so certain. The last time you had to be so close to this person was in 4th grade Sunday School class. After that, you saw them at Iftar parties, masjid fund raisers, or during MSA events. And to make matters worse, this is someone who is pure �potential,� if you know what I mean. You really don�t want to be on the the �hey Salma� and �hi Kashif� �omg let�s go get dessert together� methodology many Muslims have fallen into. Seems sitting next to them is probably not the best way to maintain that respectful means of interaction with this fellow Muslim brother or sister.


 Option 2: Stand for 45 minutes


Your feet are killing you from your long day of Gen Chem lab and if you were to stand the ride home, you wouldn�t have the energy to study for exams, help your parents, or worship you Lord late into the night. Yikes!
Our scenario doesn�t look so good, huh? Is this dilemma really impossible to solve at this point? Well, the thing is, it�s not always so black or white.
Gender interaction isn�t an on and off switch between �fully integrate� and �totally ignore.� You need to judge scenarios and see exactly what�s up, while at the same time act in a manner of respect. You gotta use your brain.
Take Musa �alayhi as salam for example. When he came by the two women who were in need of assistance, what did he do? Did he ignore them and walk away in �fear� of his Lord? No. Did he help them yet at the same time get too close and friendly around them? A�udhubiAllah, no. He helped them and took them to where they needed to go, yet he kept it real. As they traveled to their destination, he walked in front of them instead of next to or behind them, so as to help them and at the same time respect them according to the manners of gender interaction.
Lots of young Muslims run into the dangers of the two extremes. Either overly-strict ignoring the opposite gender, or overly-lax �hi!!!1 omg let�s get some Coldstone on Friday night.� Muslims need to interact with one another, but at the same time know to keep it real.
So what�s the answer to this scenario? Simple, follow the methodology of Musa �alayhi as salam: think and keep it real!


Option 3: Think and keep it real!


Ask the fellow Muslim to switch seats and have them sit next to the other passenger of their gender. That leaves an open seat for you to sit comfortably without having to deal with any �alternatives.� There�s nothing wrong in speaking to the opposite gender, so long as it is done for need, with respect and without any non-sense. Following the example of Musa, we know that the Prophetic method is to interact with the opposite gender but to modify your actions to suit the scenario in terms of respect.

So you go with option 3, the Muslim of the other gender performs da�wah on the non-Muslim who converts giving you the ajr, and Allah rewards the both of you with a wonderful marriage, many children, and life happily ever after. Just like how Prophet Musa (A) married one of those women!
Okay, okay, so the ending was a bit stretched, I admit. But do you see how by using our noggins a bit, we can still keep it real? Alhumdulillah.
We ask Allah (SWT) make us like Musa (A) and those who when it�s time to act think and keep it real.

Taken from Muslimmatters.org.

http://muslimmatters.org/2008/08/11/where-do-you-sit-an-imaginary-real-life-gender-interaction-scenario/

Post away!




Edited by Chrysalis - 10 December 2009 at 2:12am

Me, I bring a book to read.. distractions are a good thing..

Martha: If you're likely to 'nod off' - better go for Option 3 and sit with the same gender. 

Hayfa:  The book distraction method, interesting ! Or if you don't have a book, "pretending to text/sms" in awkward situations is another tactic.

Saladin: Option 3 didn't come to my mind either. I was wondering what the author would come up with.

Although, this is a case where strangers are involved. So everyone is likely to take a more conservative and reserved approach.

However, how far do you think Gender Interaction is acceptable when it comes to people you know? E.g in University/Work place etc. Do you think its possible to have cordial (not entirely informal) relations whilst maintaining the Hijab ?

More western Muslim kids trying to find wives stories and making up excuses because they failed to get hitched.

 

Option 3 aint keeping it real, its just st**id, like for Allahs sake, his given us a brain, you live in the real world were people interact everyday at work, uni, and even when you go to the mall to buy cloths or food, sitting on  train next to a ninja or a sister im sure wont take you to hell if you control your thoughts or your nafs, or if you respect your own mother and sister.

 

Option 2 is just more st**idity, standing in front of the �sister� or ninja looking like an idiot when there is an empty seat next to her is not any better and id say is disrespectful and of course will hurt your legs hard..

 

 I dont mind option 1a, but id definitely go with option 1b sitting with the sister and having some real brotherly, sisterly time, if she is not a sister then some nomad, hijabi/niqabi/ninja time.

 

No offense to these young pious Muslims, but I see bearded guys and ninjas holding hands and doing all sorts of rubbish behind closed doors, sometimes not so closed, they all got the same intention to look for some fun, sorry marriage, just hope they dont think everyone is disgusting  and thick minded as them.

 

I remember a teacher once coming up to me and saying on the lines �is this allowed in your religion, why are they doing the opposite of what they preach� in reference to a few people who are the �Islamic� ones of the college/uni. I didnt know what to say because it was shameful and true.

 

Oh �sister� you look so pious�.

Oh �sister� will you marry me?

Yuck.

 

Really wish people understood these abused terms of brother and sister esp.

 

If people cant live with the basic tenents of being a human or a man and not seeing every women as meat or "potentail" then i think they should not get out there house.

 

If your going to try it on someone then just try it and get rejected or accepted, life aint so complicated.

Edited by SteppeNomad - 11 December 2009 at 3:06am