Some one please advise

Unfortunately for most of our life together he did not keep true to his word. Pretty much right from the onset he started to verbally abuse most of my family members to me. unfortunately due to us living very close to my family he would see a lot of their flaw's  and granted, sometimes they were big ones, which he would home in on and start the nonstop bad mouthing and if I tried to defend them or explain that it was between them and Allah swt who are we to judge, that would only make thing�s a million times worse. Because as far as he was concerned he hadn�t said anything wrong so he can say what he wants and how he want's to and I should just s*****p and listen.

But that was something I couldn�t do It really hurt because no matter what their faults I still love them. As the years went I had pretty much cut off from every one due to this. Because If I didn�t meet them hopefully that meant my husband would stop bad mouthing them and I and my children would not have to listen to such abusive and evil words coming out of his mouth.

For the past few years as there was pretty much no one left in my life other than my immediate family (Mum, Sisters, dad). I always lived in fear, what if he turns on them. My mother has had an abusive husband herself the last thing I wanted was that now because of me bringing my husband in to their life, that they would now had to deal with a bad tempered abusive son in law.

A few days ago he was sitting with me my mother and sister. He started off yet again cussing my mum�s nephew because of something wrong he was doing. He was going on and on and we were all trying to get him to calm down. We were making excuse for my cousin�s parents not being able to stop him. I was trying to get my husband to understand, don�t do this please it�s not our fault where related to them Allah SWT chose these relations for us. Please my mum does not need this stress she is a ill women who has had a hard life.

 My Mum tried to explain for the umpteenth time she can�t help it her family are her weakness she doesn�t condone what they do, but she still loves them and will always pray for the best for them. This was the point that my worst nightmare came true. When my mum said that he told her Your F***ed in the head. He continued you can  F**K off. With that he then he walked off, leaving my mum to pass out.

After my mum had come around. I chased him next door and told him of my mums condition, not that he batted an eye lid, I gave him some home truths about how he was not perfect and how he had done many, many things wrong in his past that I overlooked and forgave. So why can�t he accept that me, my mother and sister can do the same with other�s. But that only made things worse, because now he felt how dare I compare him to them. Now he said f**K off before I kill you all. I sat there and said go on if that makes you feel better. With this my mum walked in and apologised to him. I was not happy that my mum apologised because as far as I was concerned It should have been him doing the apologising. My mother did and said nothing wrong.

He has verbally been abusive to me many, many times and I have gotten over it, but at my Mum. I can�t ever forgive him for that. To make thing's worse he has now starting teaching the children that I am liar, there are no relations in the world, No aunt, Uncle's, cousins etc. He basically said that he would teach the kids not to trust any one and that every one is evil and stay away from every one. It's not the kind of lessons I want them being taught, or be under that kind of negative influence.

So you could say more or less most of our marriage has been in separation. Other than the last year where he has started to spend more time with us rather than his friends. But I think the only reason for that was, most of his friends have now got married and got their priorities right and secondly the main reason is when he is away he lives with his family and they too have had enough of his temper and don�t want him around. 

I think your right; maybe a more formal type of separation would be better, but i feel this is not a option i can take, because then I worry that he will end up staying with his family, and I can�t do that to his poor Mum, as it is she seems to get the worst of his temper. I can only imagine  how much worse he will get with them if a formal separation was to take place.