Dating in Islam--

hi
this is unrelated to this but I need advice and I'm unsure of how to use this
my mother does not allow me to have a phone for good reason as I will talk to boys
I had one behind her back and she found out and took the phone
while I had the phone I had a non muslim boyfriend who I was in love with
he lives in a different city - it was an online relationship but we had plans to meet up
we also facetimed and rang everyday
anyways my mother took the phone taking away my means of contacting him
instead of buying another phone I watched islamic videos on why allah takes away haram relationships from us
the same day I broke up with him out of no way way of us being together but yes the same day one of my male friends who I have been previously attracted to asked for my hand in marriage
is this a sign from allah ?
I'm only 16 idk what to do

Walaikum Salaam sisters--  heartfelt thank you to you all for offering words of encouragement and advice-- Alhamdulillah for Allah swt allowing us all to be vehicles and means for one another to grow closer to him.

It's been quite awhile since I posted all of this-- after months of correspondence online, we just formally "broke-up" with each other yesterday.

Alhamdulillah. Because Allah swt has allowed me to grow closer to him through studying our blessed Quran, through watching very good lectures online, through reading amazing articles written by our brothers and sister.. In particular, I'd like to point to our sister Yasmin Mogahed-- she has written MUCH about relationships, love addictions, and falling in love with the REAL THING--- Allah swt.

The man that I spoke about in my first post: I am still in love with him, but I know that everything in this dunya happens for a reason-- Allah swt has personally chosen situations for us so that we can hopefully get closer to him, and become better muslims. All situations we find ourselves in are a gift, just as our prophet (saw) has said: everything that happens to the muslim is good. Positive situations are gifts of ease, while our perceived negative situations are good for us too! If we react with patience and prayer, they purify us..

The situation with the man mentioned, hurts me. I want to be with him someday, but only Allah swt knows what is best. Ultimately, I want what Allah swt wants for me.. and while, I hope that someday, this man and I do end up together, I realize that what we don't like may be good for us and what we do like may be horrible for us.

SO, now I am going through the test of trying to be patient and trying to put all of my trust in Allah swt. And his decisions for me. No matter what, it is good for me.. no matter how much pain I am experiencing.

Please pray for me sisters. This is certainly a difficult time for me.. it is best that the man I mentioned, and I, cut off all contact with another.

I would LOVE to keep in touch, but as one sister pointed out, and as I know, I am too emotionally attached to this man for it to be a safe environment for me.

I pray that I can grow content with Allah's swt decision for me, and that I can grow closer to him, and this this situation makes me better.

When I was in his country, I did end up spending two months with his family, so we grew very close. His family is a good family.. his mother and father are both practicing muslims.. who visit the masjid every day for prayers. His mother especially, was helpful to me after I converted to Islam.

I have decided that I will begin to send letters and notes to his parents, in order to keep in touch with them at least.

I considered them my family-- and they considered my their daughter. It's just a shame that the man I spoke of-- doesn't have a strong deen at the moment=== BUT only Allah swt knows best.. that is not for me to judge right now.

Any comments are welcome. I value all that you sister may have to contribute---

I only want to say what is best here.... all that is good is from our Allah swt, all that I said that isn't good is from me.

Peace and blessings upon you all-- <3

One article can be found here, for anyone interested: http://www.yasminmogahed.com/2011/11/13/why-do-people-have-to-leave-each-other/

5purplemarbles wrote: Salaam alaykum sister.  I just want to say that i have also heard that if a relationship doesnt start off right and in a haram way then you cant get the blessing of Allah swt.   But in your case not being muslim yet at the time i dont know how that factors in. Sister Chrysalis insha Allah maybe can help us both here.

As'sallamualaikum Sis Purplemarble,

As far as I know (others pls correct me if I am wrong) the ''if you don't start of right, you are deprived of blessings'' is just a saying. Its not something the Prophet (saw) said etc. True, if you initiate anything, including a relationship, with God consciousness, then Allah will definitely bless it. As Muslims we believe that if we do things with the right intentions, and the right way - Allah will give us reward for it and bless it. That doesn't mean it will always work out. Allah alone Knows the fate of our plans and decisions.

Similarly, we cannot say for sure that a marriage that took place in not-so ideal situations is doomed. For all we know, the couple could change for good and really make there life good. If a non-muslim couple embraces Islam, even though their marriage was conducted in their non-muslim days - it could still be a very beautiful relationship.

The advice was more on a practical side. The odds do not seem to favor marriages like these because of the factors in play. I find nothing wrong with the poster, just the man she is in love with. He doesn't fit the bill of a committing Muslim husband. As a Muslim myself, I would never want my sisters to  marry such a man.

As far as dating goes, if you both stay very neutral by talking or skyping and keeping it halal then this is not dating. no sweet words, no talk of relationship or love, then i think this is ok. But again im a new muslim and would love a more senior sister to please be here to consult on my ideas and i welcome their views of course. But always remember your modesty, in pictures or skype and your words. And talking about islam and your jobs and family and news and your countries I think is great. We are sisters and brothers.

True, we are sisters and brothers - and there is no harm in interacting with the opposite gender when it comes to necessity and professional reasons, but muslims (especially women, because they are vulnerable) should try and not fraternize with men. Since the poster is in love with the man in question, it would not be a good idea to continue on Skype etc without being emotionally involved. Remember, emotions cloud our judgement. Often our parents and trusted friends can give us good advice about choosing suitors - because they are not emotionally blinded.

So its still better to not be in touch with men over internet and talk.

Btw, a belated welcome to  the forums Sister Purplemarble! See you around :)

Salaam alaykum sister.

Welcome to Islam and the truth...im so glad you found your way. And what a wonderful time to be brought into being a Muslimah than Ramadan...wow may Allah swt bless you.

This is a hard issue and I know the other sister brought up a good point, and me being a year old convert to Islam , I just want to say that i have also heard that if a relationship doesnt start off right and in a haram way then you cant get the blessing of Allah swt.   But in your case not being muslim yet at the time i dont know how that factors in. Sister Chrysalis insha Allah maybe can help us both here.

But I think your amazing sister and your thinking is wonderful, because really only one thing matters is wanting to please Allah swt. And I also think its wonderful that you have encouraged this brother to come back to want to practice the faith and be a good muslim. Alhamdulillah.

As far as dating goes, if you both stay very neutral by talking or skyping and keeping it halal then this is not dating. no sweet words, no talk of relationship or love, then i think this is ok. But again im a new muslim and would love a more senior sister to please be here to consult on my ideas and i welcome their views of course. But always remember your modesty, in pictures or skype and your words. And talking about islam and your jobs and family and news and your countries I think is great. We are sisters and brothers.

But the sister is also correct in her thoughts about questioning him as a muslim man who would commit haram act with you. Please think about this carefully. If he can do this and step away from the faith who knows if he can do again. There are many strong muslim brothers in this world, who fear Allah swt, let it happen when its supposed to and dont settle for less, your amazing new muslim......you do need someone strong in deen. Its out there. pray dua for Allah swt to bless you with a muslim man who is for you as he is the only one who knows your story. Trust in him, i know you have an amazing start. Im speaking from experience as im making dua for a wonderful muslim man to be married to me. insha Allah.

hope to talk more with you sooon. we are all here for you dear sister. and please any sisters who want to help both her and I please feel welcome, as i always want to say the right things.

salaam alaykum