What would you do?

I hardly know where to begin so I apologize in advance for if this writing feels disjointed. I imagine to accurately identify exactly the advice I need or help I require, you will need context. I am a caucasian male, will be 38 this year, and a father of two. I am currently in the process of a divorce but now have a girlfriend who I love, and loves me very much. My current situation in life is honestly a result of a litany of bad choices but by Allah's (s.wt) grace, provides for me. I am also a military man, approaching retirement from service.

              Now onto my dilemma...In my heart I feel muslim. I have taken shahadah only to an online counseor. In the search for some sort of inner peace, I consistently seek out Islamic resources. I have found great help in your site and several other places that offer online e-books and the like.

               However, I do not live openly as a muslim. If I were to try to live openly, no doubt I would be shunned at home and at work alike. I have no muslim friends locally and with work I am barely able to make jummah. As such, I fill my days with reading the Quran and Hadith and making dua in my heart for Allah(s.w.t) to provide for me a way ahead to be a better muslim.

                To keep this brief, I feel alone and hopeless currently as a muslim. How am I supposed to fortify my iman, and increase my knowledge in this environment I have made for myself. I do realize that even now, these struggles are a test from Allah(s.w.t) because nothing could happen without his permission, but it seems so hopeless.

                Anything you can do or say would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.

As salaamoalaikum lostatsea. I think it is important to find a mosque near by u so that u could meet Muslim friends there. Start off by hanging out there. Attend Islamic classes or gatherings that are held at the mosque. Call the mosque and leave a message and tell them that u are a new Muslim in the community. And that u are interested in meeting friends, attending classes there and etc. I would not encourge u to be so open about your problems with anyone unless u feel like that person has wisdom with life and your situation, etc. Having practicing Muslims as friends, being at the mosque and learning Islam will have such a positive effect on you that u will see that u would not have to work so hard to hide yourself from others. you will also find that u will make better choices in life which will help guide u to live a healthy Islamic life. My duas goes out to u.

Edited by lady - 28 February 2015 at 5:45pm

lostatsea wrote:               Now onto my dilemma...In my heart I feel muslim. I have taken shahadah only to an online counseor. In the search for some sort of inner peace, I consistently seek out Islamic resources. I have found great help in your site and several other places that offer online e-books and the like.

Asalaamu Alaykum

I'm sure you've heard the expression "many are called but only a few are chosen".

If you feel in your heart that you are a Muslim then what that means is that your Maker is calling you to Himself. This should be a great honour fro you as not many people are guided by Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala to the Straight Path.
Keep reading the Qur'an in a translation that you understand and also read the Hadiths of the Prophet (SalAllahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) as this will get you to know more about Islam and what that is is all about. Try also to read the Seera or the life of the Prophet (SalAllahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) as this will give you inspiration to be a great human being. This will make you strive to be a better human being than the one you are now In Shaa Allah.

However, I do not live openly as a muslim. If I were to try to live openly, no doubt I would be shunned at home and at work alike. I have no muslim friends locally and with work I am barely able to make jummah. As such, I fill my days with reading the Quran and Hadith and making dua in my heart for Allah(s.w.t) to provide for me a way ahead to be a better muslim.

Rest assured that ALL reverts find it very difficult to adjust to the new life they have chosen. So many things will go through your head such as if your family and friends will reject you and the kind of treatment that you will receive in the future once they know that you are now a Muslim. I want to say that with Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala by your side you do not need anybody else in this world, but I suppose it is easy to say this than to experience it.

Try to find two or three Muslims and pronounce the Shahada in front of them so that you will have witnesses.

In Shaa Allah once your imaan grows then you will get up very early for Fajr prayers and the love for Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala and His Prophet (SalAllahu Alayhi Wa Sallam) will drive your life forward in the future. By submitting your life to Him you are saying that whatever happens will happen by His Will and by His permission only.

To keep this brief, I feel alone and hopeless currently as a muslim. How am I supposed to fortify my iman, and increase my knowledge in this environment I have made for myself. I do realize that even now, these struggles are a test from Allah(s.w.t) because nothing could happen without his permission, but it seems so hopeless.                 Anything you can do or say would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time.

Soon after taking the Shahada is the most difficult time for reverts this is because satan works overtime to put doubts in your mind, also the shaiteen among the people will give you a hard time trying to avert you from the way of Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala but if you keep a strong foothold on the Straight Path and if you hold on to the rope of Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala then your final destination will be Jannatul Firdous In Shaa Allah.

Salaam