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IslamicGirl wrote: From what I observed, other than his parents not liking my influence on him, in terms of praying etc...  they always complimented my cooking, cleaning habbits etc.. and they got so use to me cooking.. they always wanted to eat my food (same with his sibblings, who are twice my age and still living at home).  It was too much on me.  For starters, I left my whole family and moved to this place i've never lived in before, and only been interstate once ever in my life.  I made such an effort with him, eg. would ask how his day was every day, try and get his attention and hug/cuddle him, he'd always say, i'm watching footy, or trying to watch a movie.  I mean, I never came in the picture, I even asked him if i'm unattractive to him.  He said NO, if anything.. you are too attractive.  Now, BOYS HOW DO U EXPLAIN THAT?  A GIRL YOU SEEM TO FIND ATTRACTIVE AND NOT WANT TO GIVE HER ATTENTION (EXPECIALLY IF SHE'S UR WIFE)????????????????????

Assalamu Alaikum,

I hope you are doing better, I know how stressful and exhausting marital problems can be.  I've been married for 7 years now and it can be really trying.  I don't think that his not being intimate with you has to do with you being unattractive.  He may be expriencing anxiety about it, which is very common.  I dont think you should pressure him because it will only make it worse.  Another thing I think it may be is living in his parents house, I think you should be patient with him and get your own place, if he can take care of supporting you and feeling like he is capable, things may improve.  You sound like you really love him, and I know you have needs, but please show him that you are supportive of him and please dont ever threaten to leave him, it'll only make him less confident.  I think he most likely feels like you're too good for him and will eventually leave him.  Just my two cents, and I really hope you guys can work things out, please let me know how things are going. 

salam islamic girl. no my story its very different. i dont live with in laws, its about him. i did discased with memebers here b4 u came but u missted.maybe later i will tell u inshallah

still my advice to u is ;just keep on on ur decidition be strong some man like stronge weman. did he contact u yet, did he ask u wat u want to do? i think im being nosey.talk to later

iman

Islamic Girl - you can read Iman's story under polygamy in the Sisters file!

Peace, ummziba.

IslamicGirl wrote: Butterfly: Salams, hi, I think you have misunderstood.. I do not live with him at presant.. i've been back with my folks for nearly 3 months.  I have left due to the pressures he has caused me because of not treating me right (more like treating me like i'm not there & for no obvious reason on my behalf at all). I have never threatened to leave our marriage to end, however.. he suggested because i'm so iscolated and he didn't know what to do.. that I should go back to my family's home (ie. interstate).  That's when he stopped talking to me, to make a long story short.. he said that if I don't want to live interstate with him, that he will give me talaq (ie. that's his decision) & he won't have any way around that.  That is not fare if you ask me, it's not him who has the problem that he's away from his family or his wife (me) is not being intimate and communicating.. it's me.  If he was more like a man, I wouldn't want to move back to my parents place.   Iman, is your story a bit like mine sister, may I ask..? if i'm a bit nosey.. I do apologise & u don't have to answer me.  Peace

AsSalamu Alaikum,

Thank you, I did misunderstand, I didnt see that you'll had gotten a place of your own.  I don't know why he's treating you like this.  My husband decided to separate from me a few days ago out of the blue, I know there's something else going on.  I was in a lot of pain and sad because I didn't know what else to do because he wouldn't talk to me, still won't.  But I made a lot of dua's, and am trying to bring myself closer to Allah swt and focus on my duties to Him.  It has eased some of the pain, but I now think I can handle it if he does decide to divorce me.  He travels for business, so I don't see him and havent heard from him in almost a week.  One thing that I did realize is that the way we communicate is negative and we hardly communicate on an intimate level, probably the same problems you'll have  He doesn't treat me badly, but he does involve himself with other women, which makes me very upset and distrustful of him.  I don't know what would be the best thing for you to do.  I don't think he's being fair either by threatening divorce if you dont move back there while he's still mistreating you.  If he knows what the problem is and refuses to work on it, I think he's not fulfilling his duty to his wife and will be accountable for it.  We will Inshallah get through these rough times, and need to keep up our duas, and trust in Allah swt to get us through this and come out stronger in the end.