Great news from Kuwait

I got married....that is enough to keep you busy! And had a son!!!! I am a mommy now!  And I have been back for awhile but not posted but have soooooo wanted to! This I could not resist because it is redicilous to me. I would love to be a stay at home mom but there is no chance when I am the bread winner in this family!

It was nice that you remembered me! And it is nice to be back on a more regular basis!

Thanks for saying hello! 

Lameese

Assalamu alaikum,

I didn't mean to turn this into a thread about whether women should work or not!  I was only saying that I do believe women are inherently suited to being wives and mothers.  Of course, I don't believe in forced anything.  If a woman wants a career, that is her choice. 

Perhaps it is because I feel too many women (here in Canada, anyway) have chosen not to stay home.  Our kids are raised by strangers in daycare.  After volunteering in a children's organization for 27 years, I've seen the terrible changes in our society and how they have affected our children.

Divorce, "blended families", single parent families,  the demise of the extended family, and children no longer raised by their own mothers are causing huge problems in society.  Our kids are the ones paying the price.

Kids here (for the most part) are morally bankrupt.  They are selfish, uncaring and without conscience.  Belief in Allah is disappearing at an alarming rate.  Now, it sounds like I'm laying the blame squarely on working mothers, but when I look at children here today, I can't help but feel this way.

How can a child learn religion (faith, morals, ethics, right from wrong...), manners, proper behavior in the society, love, empathy, etc. from strangers?  This is the role of mothers.  One cannot be a mother when they only spend two or three hours out of a day (or less in many cases) with their children.

Yes, some women must work.  And some women greatly feel the need to.  But, if one is to be a mother, that is the most important job on earth.  I feel that many mothers put their own wants ahead of the most important thing, raising children.  Or, they falsely believe that being a good mother means being able to buy things for their kids.

Most women I know who work, don't need to, don't even particularly want to.  They work so that they can have more material things.  Bigger houses, more cars, more gadgets and toys, more vacations, more clothes, more, more, more.  The children and the society are the ones losing out in this worship of the almighty dollar.  Avarice is the new driving force in this society.

I know this post will not make me popular.  But this is the way I see my world and my heart breaks for the children.  Being a mother is not about being a "super mom" who does it all, it is about raising loving, caring, socially conscious and well adjusted children.  Being a Muslim mother means raising children to learn to love worshiping Allah.  In this society (and I am sure many others) our mothers are failing miserably because they have got their priorities mixed up.  Children come first, material things are not important what so ever.

And may Allah shower mercy and blessing upon the mothers who must work, they have the hardest job of all.

Peace, ummziba.

Assalamu alaikum, Sister Lameese,

Please give me the opportunity to clear some things up - I am not saying you are wrong in your choice to work, or that your child/children will grow up badly. 

I did not say I worked in a Day Care - I said I volunteered with a youth organization.  I have not worked since I married, I stayed home to raise my own.

I did not assign the gender roles (woman=mother/wife, man=provider).  In Islam this is what we believe Allah wants.  It is the Muslim man's job to provide for his family.  It is the Muslim woman's job to nurture and teach her children and keep a happy home for her spouse.  I do not believe the father has a large role in shaping the children - he provides, the mother teaches (this is sound Islamically - not something I just made up!).

I believe if you read my post carefully, you will see I have the utmost respect and empathy for women who must work.  I also asked Allah's mercy and blessings upon them as I realize they have a very difficult job.

Please don't feel I am frowning on your choice to work - you do what you have to do.  You could live on your husband's wages, or he could get a second job.  Yes, this would be difficult indeed - we make our choices and then we live with them.  If you feel you must work - then I support you 100%, as I said, I don't believe in forced anything.

You assume too much from my post by saying you hope I never know how it feels to HAVE to work, in fact, I do.  For MANY years, my husband and I struggled financially.  He was laid off many times.  We lost our first house, a hurt that may never heal.  For years we had little to eat, no money for entertainment, no vacations, even things like paper towels, hand cream, napkins, shampoo, and meat were things we couldn't afford.  We even had to live in a tent trailer for a short while, many years back

My point is, we made the concious choice to have him be the provider and me the mother/wife.  We had to live with that decision (one I have never regretted) and all its consequences.  I do know poverty, hunger, worry and fear.  And still I've never regretted staying home, for me, this was the right choice.

After years of struggle, finally, ease.  Allah is most Merciful.  Now, in our middle age, we are finally living in our own house - very small, but a mansion to me.

You obviously love your little boy very much.  Please don't feel I am telling you that you are wrong - you must make your own choices and then live with them.  I did not say all today's children are morally bankrupt.  You can work and raise fine children, if you keep that goal in mind.  I was simply saying that many, many women seem to have lost sight of the purpose of being a mother.

You see, Sister Lameese, if you do not let material secularism over take you, you can be an incredible mother, no matter what your situation - this was my whole point.

Now, go and hug that precious little boy, and may Allah grant you courage and conviction in raising him, and may Allah grant you ease in your life.

Peace, ummziba.

Bismillah,

I Vote!  Forced voting sounds like it would have to have a punishment attatched.  How about a free ice cream if you do vote?

Working and not working effects the family, yes.  But having two parents who communicate, love, and respect each other is the vital factor for raising healthy, responsible, Muslim kids.