Duties to Inlaws |
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Jenni
Senior Member Joined: 10 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 705 |
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Posted: 16 June 2005 at 9:45pm |
Just wanted to know what you sisters think your duty to your Inlaws
are. I have been reading that your only responsibility towards them is
to be kind and hospitable but you don't have to care for and serve them
because they are not your parents but your husbands. This seems to
conflict with many cultural following in some Muslim coutries where
they move the daughter in law in to the parents house and make her cook
and clean for the whole family, her husbands brothers and parents
ect. Basically being a free maid. My mother in law is great, but
when she stays with us I expect her to pitch in and she cleans her own
bathroom and washes her own clothes and helps in the kitchen
however I have never asked her to give my kids a bath or change
thier diapers. Just wondering how others handle it.
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You cant be a good muslim if you are not decent and have a cold heart. Be a decent and kind person and care for women and children and the elderly.
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Jenni
Senior Member Joined: 10 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 705 |
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No one has anything to say about how to relate with in laws? Talking to
many of my Muslim sisters in person, they sure have alot to say. It
seems like the problems with in laws cause huge dramas in families and
the relationship between husband and wife. Like I said Mashalla my in
laws are beautiful people however many friends have not had this
experience.
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You cant be a good muslim if you are not decent and have a cold heart. Be a decent and kind person and care for women and children and the elderly.
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ummziba
Senior Member Female Joined: 16 March 2005 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 1158 |
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Assalamu alaikum Jenni, Sorry, but my in-laws are non-Muslim, so what can I say. I do not like them but I treat them with kindness and respect as that is what is expected from a Muslim. My mother-in-law is extremely crude, swears like a sailor and loves to gossip. I always find it awkward and difficult to visit with her. My father-in-law is very helpful to my husband in fixing things around the house. I always make sure I have some nice baking for him when he comes to help (his wife is diabetic and hardly ever bakes anymore). He can be very cranky and loves to put down my husband, though, now in his old age, this happens less. There was never any conflict for my husband between his parents and me because right from day one he has always understood that once married, his wife and kids come first, alhamdulillah for that! My in-laws are a trial for me, for sure, but, like I said, I do try to be nice to please Allah. I hope some others share their in-law stories for you. Peace, ummziba. |
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Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your words...they break my soul ~
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Lehua
Newbie Joined: 04 July 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 37 |
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Jenni, I married my husband a little over four years ago and converted to Islam two and a half years ago. Unfortunetly my Father in Law has passed before I was able to meet him, however we are very close to my Mother in Law. Alhamdulillah, I am close enough to my Mother in Law to call her 'Mom', however it does become difficlut at times. She has never said this directly to me, but I feel that I am obligated to serve her when ever she comes over. I try to be as hospitible as possible and bite me tongue every once in a while. Alhamdulillah that I am able to have a relationship with her, I have heard so many stories of family falling apart. Insallah you will be able to have a close relationship with your mother in law. Have you mentioned anything to your husband about this? I have found that if I discuss something that bothered me, he is good mediator. |
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MOCKBA
Moderator Group Joined: 27 September 2000 Location: Malaysia Status: Offline Points: 1410 |
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Answer : Praise be to Allaah. Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com) |
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MOCKBA
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Jenni
Senior Member Joined: 10 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 705 |
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I think Islamiccity needs to write an article about this subject
because problems with inlaws especially in some countries were the
families live together cause major marital and family strife. Many
women leave thier husbands because of how they are treated by thier
inlaws and because thier husbands do not defend them. If the husband
and wife were left alone and the families just offered love and support
they would be much better of. And let me just say that in Southeast
Asia Pakistan, India ect. The majority of girls are initiated into the
families and the mother in law and other family members are mean and
harsh with her for the first few years. This is cruel and husbands need
to tell thier parents when they are commiting a sin and they must
defend thier wives. And the wife should not be expected to cook
for and serve his whole family, this is A HINDU custom that muslims are
following!!!
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You cant be a good muslim if you are not decent and have a cold heart. Be a decent and kind person and care for women and children and the elderly.
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Jenni
Senior Member Joined: 10 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 705 |
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And furthermore in southeast Asia they need to do away with getting a
dowry and money from the girls family, this practice is disgusting!!!
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You cant be a good muslim if you are not decent and have a cold heart. Be a decent and kind person and care for women and children and the elderly.
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herjihad
Senior Member Joined: 26 January 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2473 |
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Bismillah, Some in-laws expect the girl to learn their way of doing everything, or provide a good excuse not to. A way not to offend them is to find out excuses they accept and use them yourself for things instead of saying bluntly that you won't do things their way. |
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Al-Hamdulillah (From a Married Muslimah) La Howla Wa La Quwata Illa BiLLah - There is no Effort or Power except with Allah's Will.
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