online marriage...any thoughts???

As-salaam alaykum sisters

Am happy for you salams_wife.May Allah put more love into your marriage.

Well babysteps,you did ask some interesting questions.You must agree with me that we could say someone commit Zeenah if the acts were visible or reported to us.However,it is mostly athing of the mind.As humans,we are suceptible to thoughts that could either poison or minds or pollute our souls.Whether it is Internet dating or not,the level of consciousness would be a major decider of what people do where no one else sees them besides Allah.We can not condemn this initiative of online dating because it wasn't meant to corrupt people.The level of consciousness would guide the suitors in setting a limit to their conversations.It is not wise &necessary to avoid phone conversations,limit discussions to 'marriage' only,avoid humour,elude discussions based on physical descriptions or origin & the source of livelihood.You and I know these are salient issues which is still the limits even in Physical courtship.If you don't have these information,how do you know who you're proposing to spend the rest of your life with (if Allah wills)?

It is allowed to ask if your suitor is obesse( idnt mean to be sarcastic) or a straight figure.What would happen if you discover he/she was fat whereas you cannot never be caught dead with an overweight partner?It should be modestly asked,for instance one could simply say,what's your height,weight or complexion?Marriage shouldn't bring you regrets,you have to be content with your partner,else you are postponing the evils'day.Imagine what people who were initially slim but added lots of weight after marriage face.I've heard of series of cases where the spouse is insisting on the partner losing weight else,a threat to their marriage.So now imagine lieing or being ignorant of it before marriage.Dnt you think this could have been avoided?Besides,Islam isn't a religion of compulsion &we don't impose ideas,situations or conditions on people.You need to know where he/she is from(race,country),family background,discuss interests,Qualifications(if formally educated),hobbies &similarities(if any),Islamic Orientation (if he/she belongs to any school of Thought),Status (employee/self employed,or non-working),&future plans.Some would rather remain ignorant of any past experiences,the lesser they know,the better for them &others might feel differently.These are harmless discussions that sets a good foundation for them.So,if they refuse to have phone conversations,how would they have answers to all these salient questions?The issue of picture varies because of idealogy.Some would rather take the verbal description &be content with it,while some believes seeing is believing.Allah knows best.The issue of picture is an entirely different topic in Islam with schools of Thoght varying in their stands.Again,Allah knows best.So my dear sister,if we have the right thinking with the right intentions,whether we see ourselves or just share texts online,we would be guide by our level of consciousness,knowing Allah sees&Hears all.

I hope this helps.All knowledge lies with Allah!

As-salaam alaykum

You're right about the disadvantages&this is why one shouldn't be desperate because these things do happen & one need to be very careful.I think it is best to go under the recommendation of Islamic Sites one can trust,like here or Islamonline.net.There could be a host of others,but these are the ones I know of.IAnd you're right that we're adapting to the technological age.Am happy to hear your friend's happily married.That goes to show the cliche about online dating is gradually becoming a thing of the past.I must admit I had an entirely different opinion about it initially until that sister told me her story.It was actually because where am from,people do it mainly to get an access to travel abroad.An abuse of the main objective.besides,most sites're just there for fun seeking people who might not be looking for a lasting relationship.I think the difference between us &them's that we know it is serious business.Islam doesn't give room for such.I know that still doesn't rule out the fact that some abuse it.

But am glad,I've heard a few good stories so far.Ipray others who are looking find true love,for  the sake of Allah!

Asslam o alaikum
   My opinion on this matter is that it depends on what one is doing.If one is using it as a martimonial service then it is ok but if it is used as a dating service then that is wrong.
In case of dating i dont mean only going out together i also mean by this chating online.It means that everyone this way would be chating with many many people before deciding finally and one never knows who is telling the truth and who isnt.Some people can deceive others this way as well.
I dont think it is wrong if someone talks directly to the person gets the required information maybe the mother can do this as well.If the education,and other things are what one wants then the both families could meet and couple could meet and talk as well.Just like any other martimonial service.When the other person would be willing to meet the family he definitely wont be one who is not wasting time or after a chat with a girl only.What is better than the consent of both families.You atleast this way know who you are talking.
This is my opinion.
hope to get more opinions.
Allah hafiz

A very personal reply:

Dear Babysteps:  I have followed the development of this thread, and I have put off writing because I am not Muslim - your situation is different from mine, and I didn't want to tread on any sensibilities. I don't know how old you are.  From personal experience I would only caution not to get married too young.

For those of you who remember last year, I met Colin online, right here on Islamicity!  Gradually (though not too gradually)we realised that we were two sides of the same coin.  We have now been together almost a year.  We began through writing here, graduated to PM's, both here and on The Pond (which may not still exist?).  Eventually we began to phone and I knew straightaway that this man was my "Soulmate".  I picked him up at Malaga airport on August 31st.  He came from Wales to Spain with two suitcases and a computer (this one actually!) We had never met in person!

What a risk!  And what a good one!

 Today, almost a year later, we are very happy and contented in our love. Yes, we have our spats:  name me two intelligent and "independent" people who don't!  But now, I cannot imagine how I lived my life without him.

"Relationships" are hard no matter how they evolve.  But men and women not only don't communicate well, often they use a different language altogether!  In writing much of that changes (read between the lines - don't fall too much for the Romantic bit - could you live with him is a better question?)  But all-in-all, I would recommend on-line "friendships".  I hope they don't mind, but both Angela and Patty (long standing members for the US) have both told me they met their mates on-line (not here as far as I know - neither are Muslim, but both a very sympathetic and eager to learn about your religion, as are we).  They both have happy, stable relationships.

My very best wishes for you and your future. The world is changing; love remains the same.  Trust your instincts.  You will know.

Sincerely,

Cassie