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arranged marriage |
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layalee 
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Joined: 04 August 2007 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 157 |
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 Topic: arranged marriagePosted: 27 June 2008 at 11:06am |
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As'Salaamu Alakum
Thanks for reading my post.
While it would be nice and ideal if muslim marriages were filled with sweet love and romance from the start, and that both partners had a full choice in the decision of marriage of course that's not always the case. As a converted muslimah living on the west, I'm not quite sure how common arranged marriages are in the east, or what can be done to bring ease to the one's that are about to be in such a marriage.
Arranged marriage takes place mainly because it's for what's best, so that this worldly life can be of a better benefit for the the man, the woman, and the family they may make.
But what about matters of the heart...
If a woman participate in one, how can see fully come to terms that the man may not love her in a romantic sense?
Romance is a nature feeling...while a man can have another wife if the first wife agree to it, that allows the man to even entertain the thought of another woman. But as a woman, I would imagine its wrong to even think of another man...daydreaming of a marriage filled with romance.
When a muslim marriage take place, are we suppose to have in our hearts that it's forever?
Are there any hadiths or supporting ayats that discuss marriages such as these.
Even hadiths and stories that gives a woman strength to deal with difficult marriages.
Even a historical view point would help me come to term to things....
Was marriages in the begining of time RARE to be done for romantic reasons? What was the ultimate goal for marrages, when Islam and other monothesit religions were in there developing stages?
Do any woman have any personal stories they like to share?
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Israfil
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Joined: 08 September 2003 Status: Offline Points: 3984 |
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Posted: 27 June 2008 at 12:18pm |
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Sorry no hadiths here. I just find most arranged marriages to be illogical. Sometimes our parents don't know what's best for us. But traditionally a lot of arranged marriages stem from tribal customs, as this has been done for centuries. If you love someone I don't think you can arrange it.
Edited by Israfil - 27 June 2008 at 12:19pm |
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Jihad1
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Joined: 02 July 2008 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 11 |
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Posted: 02 July 2008 at 7:40am |
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As'Salamu Alaikum,
In an arrange marriage the women does have a choice to say yes or no and if she does not like him does have a right to say NO. If there is an attraction to the person that is to be arranged to marry and you like his personality, they both usually end up caring a lot for each other and then loving each other.
I did not know my husband and married him within a few days. And yes I do love him.
Jihad
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Hayfa
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Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368 |
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Posted: 03 July 2008 at 8:56am |
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I think many young people whether arranged or not.. want their marriage to "romantic and loving" Actually both men and women. They want love from their partner. Yes some people are incapable of it and thus the marriage can be devoid of that level.
the reality that happens is that marriage is hard work. Maintaining the feeling can be tough. Living with someone, adjusting etc can be hard.
The most difficult thing for myself to adjust is that I want to be able to be friends with the person I marry. The thing that is hardest for me to cnceptualize about Muslim life is that the men are with the men and women with the women... I see reasons why.. just hard to adjust to actually.
I have no problem with no sleeping with each other before marriage, but how do you tell you actually get along as just two people. Secual atraction is one thing, but I'd not want to be bored everyday cause we have nothing to talk about..
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When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Chrysalis
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Joined: 25 November 2007 Status: Offline Points: 2033 |
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Posted: 06 July 2008 at 2:16pm |
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My own humble opinion.
And no, I'm not an old crone, but I really honestly question "Love Marriages". . . unless you have known a person for some time. . . how do you know its "love"? And not just a crush or attraction?
"Love" is when you like a person unconditionally. . . and that too when you the other person well enough to accept the good and the bad. No matter how well you knw the prospective spouse (in a love marriage) , I dont think one knows the other well enough to knw the bad points. . . and thus the love isnt unconditional.
I think Love develops (or not) later in life. . . once you really get to know the spouse. Also, when 2 ppl are in "love" they are keeping up appearances to please the other, but all that starts to fade when ur married, living together. . .naturally no one can pretend/hide faults later in life. . .
And no, I'm not against Love Marriages! I just dont believe in them, and dont think there is such a thing! Sure the love may develop later, but I dont think the 2 are in love on the wedding day. . . they just like each other, or are attracted to each other . . . or excited even. . . just not in love!
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"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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Salams_wife
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Joined: 31 July 2007 Status: Offline Points: 296 |
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Posted: 06 July 2008 at 2:42pm |
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I think there are different levels of love. I loved my husband before I met him, but the longer we are married the more that love developes into a more mature kind of love. We have differences we are overcoming and realizing despite those differences we still want to be together and work them out. The kind of love you have before marriage is a type of infatuation and liking for what you see initially in the other person.
As is proof of the divorce rate in the United States, love is not enough to keep a marriage going. There has to be commitment and understanding as well. Both kinds of marriages can be made to work if both partners are willing to put the effort.
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Chrysalis
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Posted: 06 July 2008 at 2:58pm |
One can tell by your user-name that you love your husband very much! Mashallah.
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"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."
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Salams_wife
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Posted: 06 July 2008 at 3:18pm |
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Thankyou and yes I do
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Salams_wife wrote: