Muslim jokes.

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   Bi ismillahir rahmanir raheem

assalamu alaikum

Did you hear the one about Jewish-Muslim comedy night? The rehearsals
were going really well until the Jews occupied the Muslim half of the
stage.

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A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees
a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and
starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving
the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and
says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers:
"Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I
am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the
morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" � the policeman
answers. "But I am not 

an American!" � says the man. "Oh, what are
you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the
newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.

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                                      Here is the story of an Imam who got after Friday prayers and announced to the people:

"I
have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to
pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there
in your pockets."

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The Imam of a masjid, who was also a father of two young children, was
about to enter the majid to give the Khutbah (Friday sermon). Before he
entered he reminded them to be quiet - especially when he is giving his
khutbah. 

He then asked his children, "And why is it necessary to be quiet during Jummah?" 

Little Ahmed jumped up and yelled, "Because people are all sleeping!"

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An Imam was feeling bored one Friday and decided to take the day off
away from the Masjid. He told the assistant Imam he wasn't feeling well
and drove off. He stopped at a golf course about forty miles away (so
that no one would know him.) 

Up
in Heaven, the angels were talking. One said to another, "He can just
get away with that! This is wrong - Jummah is mandatory for him and he
is an example for so many believers!" The other angel agreed but
decided to wait to see how Allah would take care of him.

The
Imam teed off on the first hole and suddenly, the wind picked up,
blowing the ball right in the hole for a 420 yard hole-in-one. 

The
angels looked at each other in great surprise. One said, "Why did He do
that??" The other realized the wisdom behind it and smiled...

"Who's he going to tell?"

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                                      Did you hear the one about the first Muslim desi president? 

At
the inauguration somebody told his mother, "You must be very proud of
your son," and she answered, "The president? He's alright. But his
brother's a doctor!"

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An elderly lady was well-known for her Iman and for her confidence in
talking about it. She would stand in front of her house and say
Alhamdulilah "Allah be praised" to all those who passed by. Next door
to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her proclamations he
would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!" Hard times came upon the elderly
lady, and she prayed for Allah to send her some assistance. She would
pray out loud in her night prayer" Oh Allah! I need food!! I am having
a hard time, please Lord, PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!!" The
atheist happened to hear her as she was praying, and decided to play a
prank on her. The next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted
a large bag of groceries and shouted, "Alhamdulilah, Allah be
praised!." The neighbor jumped from behind a bush and said, "Aha! I
told you there was no Lord. I bought those groceries, God didn't." The
lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and said,
"ALHAMDULILAH WA SHUKRILLAH�. He not only sent me groceries, but he
made the devil pay for them!"

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One day in the South Pacific, a navy ship saw smoke coming an uncharted
island. When they came close they saw 3 makeshift huts. Upon arriving
at the shore they were met by a shipwreck survivor. He said, "I'm so
glad you're here! I've been ALONE on this island for more than five
years!" The captain replied, "If you're all alone on the island why do
I see THREE huts." The survivor said, "Oh. We'll, I live in one, and go
to the Masjid in another." "What about the THIRD hut?" asked the
captain. "I had a fight with the board, so I stopped going there."