Polygamy

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   Salaams sister.
I hope you can resolve this issue amicably. But you know, I'm curious to know why you like to wear heels so much, when I'm sure you'll agree that medical professionals dont approve of them. They can be the cause of so much back pain in later life, not to mention callouses and bunions, and disfigurements.
Of course, I apreciate that it's probably a fashion thing as opposed to your height that is the real issue.
And, forgive me please, if you think I'm not sympathetic on this, but offer a poor, shoeless adult or child, unable to afford a pair of shoes, a choice of shoe to wear, my guess is that a good, hardwearing, practical shoe, would be prefered over high heels.
It is gratifying to know that your lifestyle has no reason to think of the practicalities over fashion. Your name isnt Imelda by any chance?
I'm sure you'll agree that there are far more important worries in the world. I for one am grateful for any sensible shoe I wear, to enable me to go about my daily duties with ease.
Oh, will we wear shoes of any kind in the next life? Just curious.

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martha Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 30 October 2007 Status: Offline Points: 1140	Post Options Post Reply Quote martha Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03 April 2008 at 3:37am
	Salaams sister. I hope you can resolve this issue amicably. But you know, I'm curious to know why you like to wear heels so much, when I'm sure you'll agree that medical professionals dont approve of them. They can be the cause of so much back pain in later life, not to mention callouses and bunions, and disfigurements. Of course, I apreciate that it's probably a fashion thing as opposed to your height that is the real issue. And, forgive me please, if you think I'm not sympathetic on this, but offer a poor, shoeless adult or child, unable to afford a pair of shoes, a choice of shoe to wear, my guess is that a good, hardwearing, practical shoe, would be prefered over high heels. It is gratifying to know that your lifestyle has no reason to think of the practicalities over fashion. Your name isnt Imelda by any chance? I'm sure you'll agree that there are far more important worries in the world. I for one am grateful for any sensible shoe I wear, to enable me to go about my daily duties with ease. Oh, will we wear shoes of any kind in the next life? Just curious.
	some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set

Hayfa Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368	Post Options Post Reply Quote Hayfa Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03 April 2008 at 6:57am
	Salaams, Well I would think that for your own self, your internal growth as a Muslim and servant to Allah, I'd not talk about her at all to him. If she is "disobedient" to him etc. that is her business. it is HARD not to at times be jealous. Absolutely.. we are but human. Focus on your deen. We often get caughht up in trivial matters that help us little in the end. As seekshidayath said, approach him being resonable.. not talking about her at all. Ask him in a curious tone, why no heels. He may actualyl havea good, valid reason for why not. As far as MySpace.. maybe he is wprried you'll do what she did, post picture etc. And in a way you feel he has "differences" possible as you are a revert. Now that may or not may not be he case. But if he is, maybe it is cause he has good intentions that you do not do things that we should not do. It could be the case, we don't know your husband's motivations or intnetions. Jusy because someone is born into Islam does not mean that follow the deen right. He may see more "possibility" with you.. at least to give you guidance... just an idea.. who knows.. I would of course not discuss his other wife with him. And I think if you approach him in a goodtime in a peaceful manner for clarification it might be fine. Explain that you want to understand so you may be a better Muslimah.
	When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi

Shasta'sAunt Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Joined: 29 March 2008 Status: Offline Points: 1930	Post Options Post Reply Quote Shasta'sAunt Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03 April 2008 at 4:05pm
	Assalamu Alaikum Sister: I have a different point of view than most of the Sisters who have responded. Islamically men should not have more than one wife if they cannot treat them all equally. 4:3 If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice. (An-Nisa) I think it is your right to know why he is allowing her to do things that he is forbidding you to do. Especially if it is bothering you and causing you to be upset. I don't think it's just the issue of wearing heels, but probably that you feel that he is being unfair. Which, Islamically, it shouldn't be so. If I were in this situation, I would want to know why. Otherwise it could lead to resentment, anger, and jealousy. Salaams
	�No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.� Eleanor Roosevelt

seekshidayath Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Islam Joined: 26 March 2006 Location: India Status: Offline Points: 3357	Post Options Post Reply Quote seekshidayath Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03 April 2008 at 7:05pm
	As'Salamu Alaikum, This verse shud be reminded to her husband. This way {Your post} we shall be making her {Proud Muslimah} more against her husband. Let not prepare her to fight with her husband . Am sure Proud Muslimah shall work it out with hikmah.
	Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."

Shasta'sAunt Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Joined: 29 March 2008 Status: Offline Points: 1930	Post Options Post Reply Quote Shasta'sAunt Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03 April 2008 at 9:25pm
	Assalamu Alaikum: I don't understand how asking for fair treatment, and the rights that Allah(SWT) gave you, can be considered being proud or looking for a fight. Allah gave us these rights and NO man should take them away. No woman should have to ask for her rights, they are God-given. But, if for some reason she is being denied her rights, and asking for them causes a problem in her home or marriage, then something is very wrong.
	�No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.� Eleanor Roosevelt

martha Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 30 October 2007 Status: Offline Points: 1140	Post Options Post Reply Quote martha Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 04 April 2008 at 1:50am
	Perhaps there is, as already suggested, some other things that are going on with this sisters life. I cant see that 'heels' is the only thing. But I'm sure she will tell us if she can or wants to. We all know that a man with more than one wife should treat them all equally. Actually, I'm wondering how on earth he can do that. If he is a good husband, he would be very conscious to treat them fairly. Must get tiring though I also doubt he would need to be reminded of the verse in the Quran. Perhaps the sister needs to speak to the local iman? Dont know, what say you other sisters? As this sister is a revert, she needs all the help she can get, problems or no problems. Hope we can all guide her in the right manner.
	some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set

seekshidayath Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Female Islam Joined: 26 March 2006 Location: India Status: Offline Points: 3357	Post Options Post Reply Quote seekshidayath Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 04 April 2008 at 3:22am
	I feel her problem is made more serious by us. Did we not read her lines that she knows her husband loves her dearly and she also does. These things keep happening and can be solved by herself while she speaks or discusses with her husband. I don't say she shud n't ask her rights. What if she is a revert ? Alhamdullilah, thru her posts i sense that she is a practicing Muslimah. And i don't think, these small matters of house shud be dragged out by speaking to local Imam so soon. Allah forbid, may such day never come in her life. Come on sisters, don't tense her with such posts. Edited by seekshidayath
	Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."

martha Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 30 October 2007 Status: Offline Points: 1140	Post Options Post Reply Quote martha Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 04 April 2008 at 4:29am
	Seeks, I wasnt suggesting she speak to the iman about heels. Only other issues if she has them. Also she is new to Islam. Shouldnt we help her then? You make it sound trivial that she is a revert. What a wonderful blessing for her that she embraced Islam. Or are we getting our wires crossed somewhere? expressing ourselves here isnt always the easiest to do. Wouldnt it be great if we were all together face to face? then we could have a real good natter as sisters in Islam And take tea and biscuits too
	some of us are a lot like cement:- all mixed up and permanently set