fulfill my haqq or grant me a talaaq

salaam

the problem that i have is that, his first wife is not co operating and this is working to her advantage, because she refuses to accept me as a co wife, she makes it very difficult for us to spend time togther, more especially nights.

i feel like she is using the kids, to have her own way with him n it seems to be working. that in turn is frustrating me n is affecting my marriage. we were together last nite, but i was very depressed. i cried alot too. then i told him to leave me alone n never return to me. i did all this out of anger and hurt.

he keeps asking me what do i expect him to do in these circumstances. i dont know what to say to him. even this morning, as he left, i cried so much.

he complains that im always fighting with him. but waht cause do i have to be in  a happy mood, and kind and civil towards him, when hes hurting me everyday.

he has told me that he needs advise from some brothers who are in a similar situation. so if there are any brothers who are in this situation or if anyone knows of any sites for help for a brother in these circumstances, please assist.

we are really desperate now as we have reached a dead end n dont know what to do

thanks for the response Mockba

i do love my husband very much and dont wish to end the marriage. Even last night he told me that he doesnt wish to end the nikah. he said to me if he gives me a talaaq, who will he be pleasing, His first wife? then he said no, he cannot do that. he has to please Allah SWA.

he also did tell me that hes under alot of pressure n that he gets easily agitated. he says that his level of Imaan has dropped tremendoulsy and that some times hes even ashamed to face me or my parents or my children, knowing what his putting me through

he told me that each day he struggles to live with the consequences of his actions (i.e the fact that he abandoned me and went to live with his first wife).

i want to love and support him. i do want to be patient. but at times i get out of control n i just say n do nasty things. he even told me last nite that hes afraid that im now starting to despise n hate him

I perform 2 rakaat salatul hajaah (nafl)every day begging and pleading with Allah swa to guide my husband and sho him the right way. i pray that his heart be filled with love n compassion for me n me for him. i even pray that the first wifes heart be softened and that at least she be more accomodating and undertstanding

i guess i have no choice but to be patient and keep prayer. Insha allah , my prayers will be answered all in good times, as Allah knows best

thanks esmereen

i have downloaded a book called polgany and the first wife. its written by a first wife regarding what she went through, when her hubby married a second wife. i discussed it with my hubby n he has said he will ask a close family memeber, someone older to give a copy to the wife

we are hoping that this will be an eye opener to her. she doesnt really hate me, as hubby advsied that she speaks fondly of me at times. yet at the same time, she refuses to accept me. hubby n i think she is being influenced by friends. i do believe that she has a good heart. shes also beautiful and very intelligent

i have bought a gift for her birthday which is next month. i have asked hubby to give her the gift, but not to reveal that its from me, as she will never accept it if she knows its from me. i believe that with love, patience, understanding and tolerance, she will come around. Insha Allah

i make a plea once again, if there are any brothers in this situation or if there are any sites where i can get info to assist my hubby, that would be really appreciated, as he is so torn apart by all this. i think hes the one whose most affected, and really needs advise .

ok najam

i guess i cant think clearly as im too emotional. i keep contradicting myself. its not gonna be easy to not think about him for 2 weeks, but i will do it , Insha Allah. my current approach is definately not working.

i will spend time with the kids n do as u said. with ramadaan coming up, we will be busy baking n cooking. the kids will love the attention too. but subhanallah, 2 weeks seems like an eternity for me.