To Muslim women...

Trident wrote: My fears could be wrong. It could be based on a variety of assumptions, hearsay or even jealousy. This verse didn't mention that women should be beat only after gathering strong evidence of their disloyalty, but based on a man's insecure fears alone. How if I misjudged the situation? Would the women unfairly suffer as a result?

Your fears are unfounded if people are mindful of as what Quran teaches them to follow. However, if they omit all required actions what precedes word �beat� in the verse, only then, I think you are correct. But in that case, are we really following Quran? I don�t think so. Moreover, see the very next verse (4:35) that provides the complete solution to the issue. Hopefully you will not stop reading at one word but some verses before and after it, to make full understanding of the issue.

Dear Muslims and Non-Muslims,

- Woman`s position as wife -

By entering the married state, woman does not lose any of the rights which she possesses as an individual member of society. She is still free to carry on any work she likes, to make any contract she desires, to dispose of her property as she wishes; nor is her individuality merged in that of her husband. But she is at the same time recognized as undertaking new responsibilities of life, which carry with them new rights.
The Qur`an settles the principle: � And woman have rights similar to their obligations, in a just manner � ( 2:228 ). These are the rights and responsibilities of the home. Tradition ( Hadith ) describes her position in the home as that of a r�`�yah or ruler: � Every one of you is a ruler and every one shall be questioned about his subjects; the Am�r (the King) is a ruler, and the man is a ruler over the people of his house, and the woman is a ruler over the house of her husband and his children, so every one of you is a ruler and every one shall be questioned about his subjects.� ( Bukhaari, 67:91 ).
Thus so far as the home is concerned, the wife has the position of the ruler in it, the home being her territory. By marriage she is at once raised to a higher dignity and acquires new rights, though at the same time she incurs new responsibilities. Her rights as regards her husband are also affirmed in Tradition ( Hadith ), as the Prophet said to `Abd All�h ibn `Umar: � Thy body has a right over thee and thy soul has a right over thee and thy wife has a right over thee.�( Bukhaari, 67:90 ).

- Mutual relation of husband and wife -

As already stated the mutual relation of husband and wife is described in the Qur`an as one of a single soul in two bodies: � And of His signs is this, that He created mates for you from yourselves that you might find quiet of mind in them, and He put between you love and compassion.� ( 30:21 ); � He it is Who created you from a single soul, and of the same did He make his mate, that he might find comfort in her.� ( 7:189 ). The same idea is elsewhere very beautifully described in different words: � They ( your wives ) are an apparel for you and you are an apparel for them.� ( 2:187 ).

The closet union of two souls could not be described more aptly; yet Isl�m is a practical religion and it does not shut its eyes to the hard realities of life. It describes the home as a unit in the greater organization of a nation as a whole, and just as in the vaster national organization there is somebody to exercise the final authority in certain cases, so the smaller organization of the home cannot be maintained without a similar arrangement. Hence the husband is first spoken of as being � a ruler over the people of the house � and his wife is then described as � a ruler over the house of her husband and his children.�

The home is thus a kingdom in miniature, where authority is exercised by both the husband and his wife. But unless one of them is given a higher authority, there would be chaos in this kingdom. The reason for giving the higher authority to the male parent is thus stated in the Qur`an: � Men are the maintainers of women, with what Allah has made some of them to excel others, and with what they spend out of their property � ( 4:34 ).
The Arabic word for " maintainers " is " qaww�m�m ", pl. of " qaww�m ", derived from " q�ma ", meaning " he stood up ", but when used with a " b� " or " `al� ", " q�ma " carries the significance of " maintaining " or " managing ". Thus " q�ma bi-l-yat�m " means " he maintained the orphan ", and " q�ma`alai-h� " means " he maintained the women and managed her affair " ( LL. ).
The word " q�wwam�m " (maintainers) carries a double significance. It means that the husband provides maintenance for the wife, and also that he has final charge of the affairs of the home, thus exercising authority over the wife when there is need for it. The reason for giving a higher authority to man is contained in the word " q�wwam�m " itself. It is the man who can be entrusted with the maintenance of the family, and therefore it is he who must hold the higher authority.

- Stress laid on kind treatment towards wife -

The Qur`an lays the greatest possible stress on kindly and good treatment towards the wife:
� Keep them in good fellowship � and " treat them kindly � is the oft-recurring advice of the Qur`an ( 2:229, 231; 4:19, etc. ). So much so that kindness is recommended even when a man dislikes his wife, for � it may be that you dislike a thing while Allah has placed abundant good in it.� ( 4:19 ).
The Prophet laid equally great stress upon good treatment of a wife. � The most excellent of you,� he is reported to have said, � is he who is best in his treatment of his wife.� ( MM. 13:II-ii ).
� Accept my advice in the matter of doing good to woman,� is another tradition ( Bukhaari. 67:81 ). In his famous address at the Farewell Pilgrimage, he again laid particular stress on the good treatment of woman: � O my people ! you have certain rights over your wives and so have your wives over you ... They are the trust of Allah in your hands. So you must treat them with all kindness.� ( M. 16:17 ).

In one tradition which enjoins kindness to woman, the woman is compared to a rib: � The woman is like a rib, if you try to straighten it, you wil break it.� ( Bukhaari 67:80 ). * * *
The rib is bent in its make and not straight, and it serves best its purpose in the state in which it is created, and so of the woman it is said that being like a rib she serves her purpose best in the state in which she has been created; so straighten her, i.e., to make her work just as the man pleases, or to try to make her possess the sterner qualities of man, is to break her down. As already pointed out, the temperament of man differs from that of woman in one respect. Man is stern and harsh, therefore largely unyielding; it was necessary that he should be so, so that he might be able to face the hard struggles of life. The woman who is meant to bring up the children has been so created that the quality of love preponderates in her and she is devoid of the sternness of man; she is therefore inclined to one side sooner than the man, and on account of this quality she is compared to a rib. Her being bent like the rib is adduced as an argument for being kind to her and for leaving her in that state.

* * * In another had�th ( Bukhaari. 60:1; 67:81 ), instead of " like a rib " the words are " khuliqat min dzil`-in ", i.e. � she has been created of a rib.� The meaning is still the same, that is to say, her " nature " or temperament may be compared to a rib. It is the woman in general, not Eve, that is spoken of here nor is it said that woman has been created of the rib of man. In Arabic, we often say a certain thing has been created of so and so, meaning that the temperament of that thing is so. Thus the Qur`an says: � Man has been created of haste ( min`ajal ) � ( 21:37 ), the significance being that the characteristic of haste is prominent in him.


- Sterner measures allowed in case of immoral conduct -

While, however, great stress is laid on the kind treatment of woman, and it is even recommended that she may be allowed to work in any way she likes, the husband is permitted to take stern measures in case of her immoral conduct.
Islam places the highest value upon the chastity of the woman, and therefore if there is a falling off from the high standard of morality, the woman is not entitled to that honour and kindly treatment which is accorded to her otherwise. The Qur`an allows stern measures in the case of " nush�z ", which means " the rising of the wife against her husband " or " her revolt " and includes " resisting the husband, and hating, and deserting him." ( LL. ).
Some commentators explain " nush�z " as meaning " her leaving the husband`s place and taking up an abode which he does not like." ( AH.). Apparently the word covers a wide range of meaning and, therefore the remedy suggested in such cases is of three kinds. � And as to those on whose part you fear desertion ( nush�z ) admonish them and leave them alone in the beds, and chastise them.�( 4:34 ).
When the " nush�z " is very ordinary and there is nothing serious about it, for instance, when it is a mere resistance of the husband`s authority, the remedy suggested is simple admonition. If hatred is combined with resistance of authority, a stronger remedy is suggested, and the husband is allowed, in that case, to show his disapproval of her conduct by keeping her separated from himself. But if the wife goes beyond that and deserts the husband, and her conduct becomes suspicious, then, as a last resort, chastisement is permitted. It cannot be denied that cases do happen when this extreme step becomes necessary, but these are exceptional cases and their occurrence is generally limited to the rougher strata of society where the remedy of slight corporal punishment is not only unobjectionable but necessary.

There are traditions showing that the infliction of slight corporal punishment was permitted only when the conduct of the wife became objectionable, and she was as it were in open revolt against the husband. Thus a tradition in " Muslim " says: � And be careful of your duty to Allah in the matter of woman, for you have taken them as the trust of Allah ... and they owe to you this obligation that they will not allow any one to come into your house when you do not like. If they do, then give them ( slight ) corporal punishment which may not leave any effect on their bodies.� ( M. 15:19 ).
This shows that the infliction of slight corporal punishment is limited only to the extreme cases.

Another tradition shows that such conduct on the part of the wife, or such treatment on the part of the husband, would not be expected in any good family. When certain woman complained to the Prophet of the ill-treatment of their husbands, he is reported to have admonished the men in the following words: � Many woman have come to the house of Muhammad complaining about their husbands; such husbands are by no means the good ones among you.� ( AD. 12:42 ).

Bukhaari also refers to the tradition of Muslim quoted above and gives another under the heading � What is disliked in the matter of giving corporal punishment to woman,� according to which the Prophet is reported to have said: � Let not one of you inflict corporal punishment upon his wife as he would inflict it upon his slave, for he will be having amorous relations with her soon afterwards.� ( Bukhaari, 67:94 ).

On another occasion too, the husband is allowed to exercise his authority against the wife, and this too is an occasion where the wife`s conduct is openly immoral: � And as for those of your woman who are guilty of an indecency ( f�hish�h), call to witness against them four witnesses from among you; then if they bear witness, confine them to the houses until death takes them away or Allah opens some way for them.�( 4:15 ).
Allah`s opening a way for them means that they show sincere repentance.
The " f�hishah " spoken of here is clearly immoral conduct, and the punishment is a restriction on the woman`s movements so that she is deprived of the liberty to move freely in society. Reading this verse along with 4:34, relating to the infliction of corporal punishment it appears that confining to the house is the first step, and it is when they repeat their evil deeds in the house, or do not submit to the authority of the husband and desert him, that permission is given to inflict corporal punishment which is the last resort. And if even this step does not make them mend their ways, matrimonial relations may be ended.


- Divorce -

4:35
" And if you fear a breach between the two, appoint an arbiter from his people and an arbiter from her people. If they both desire agreement, Allah will effect harmony between them. Surely Allah is ever Knowing, Aware."

This verse lays down the procedure to be adopted when a case for divorce arises. It is not for the husband to put away his wife; it is the business of the judge to decide the case. Nor should divorce cases be made too public. The judge is required to appoint two arbiters, one (a man or a woman) belonging to the wife�s family and the other (a man or a woman) to the husband�s.

These two arbiters will find out the facts, but their objective must be to effect a reconciliation between the parties. If all hopes of reconciliation fail, a divorce is allowed, but the final decision for divorce rests with the judge who is legally entitled to pronounce a divorce. Cases were decided in accordance with the directions contained in this verse in the early days of Islam. See an instance quoted by Rz regarding �Ali�s decision in a case of breach. The husband was told in plain words that he must abide by the judgment of the arbiters appointed under this verse.

Salaam ( Peace ! )

Rahmat Ali


Edited by Rahmat Ali

Salam,

ppl seems to forget about the part of fearing for our duty to Allah. the Law is the whole Law not nit-picking some parts of it. a clock don't work with just the needle. it's the wholesomeness of the whole Law that will command the right conduct. so i should respect my husband. BUT, in all fairness, it is his obligation to give me my sustenance, and treat me with love, patience, and dignity -- and never be a zalimun (cruel people).

we all know Allah hates zalimun (cruel people). they go to Hell. you cannot even be zalim to a cat. thus husband cannot be zalimun. wives cannot be zalimun. take the whole Law in it's right, and you'll see the beauty. wallahu a'lam.




Edited by firewall3

Assalamualaikum

[وَاضْرِبُوهُنَّ]

(beat them) means, if advice and ignoring her in the bed do not produce the desired results, you are allowed to discipline the wife, without severe beating. Muslim recorded that Jabir said that during the Farewell Hajj, the Prophet said;

�وَاتَّقُ
608;ا اللهَ فِي النِّسَا 69;ِ، فَإِنَّه 15;نَّ عِنْدَكُ 05;ْ عَوَانٍ، وَلَكُمْ عَلَيْهِ 06;َّ أَنْ لَا يُوطِئْن 14; فُرُشَكُ 05;ْ أَحَدًا تَكْرَهُ 08;نَهُ،فَإ& #1616;نْ فَعَلْنَ &# 1584;َلِكَ فَاضْرِب 15;وهُنَّ ضَرْبًا غَيْرَ مُبَرِحٍ 48; وَلَهُنّ 14; عَلَيْكُ 05;ْ رِزْقُه ;ُنَّ وَكِسْوَ 78;ُهُنَّ بِالْمَع 18;رُوف�

(Fear Allah regarding women, for they are your assistants. You have the right on them that they do not allow any person whom you dislike to step on your mat. However, if they do that, you are allowed to discipline them lightly. They have a right on you that you provide them with their provision and clothes, in a reasonable manner.) Ibn `Abbas and several others said that the Ayah refers to a beating that is not violent. Al-Hasan Al-Basri said that it means, a beating that is not severe.

[فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ فَلاَ تَبْغُواْ عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلاً]

(but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance),) meaning, when the wife obeys her husband in all that Allah has allowed, then no means of annoyance from the husband are allowed against his wife. Therefore, in this case, the husband does not have the right to beat her or shun her bed. Allah's statement,

[إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيّاً كَبِيراً]

(Surely, Allah is Ever Most High, Most Great.) reminds men that if they transgress against their wives without justification, then Allah, the Ever Most High, Most Great, is their Protector, and He will exert revenge on those who transgress against their wives and deal with them unjustly.

[وَإِنْ خِفْتُمْ شِقَاقَ بَيْنِهِمَا فَابْعَثُواْ حَكَماً مِّنْ أَهْلِهِ وَحَكَماً مِّنْ أَهْلِهَآ إِن يُرِيدَآ إِصْلَـحاً يُوَفِّقِ اللَّهُ بَيْنَهُمَآ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيماً خَبِيراً ]

(35. If you fear a breach between the two, appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from her's; if they both wish for peace, Allah will cause their reconciliation. Indeed Allah is Ever All-Knower, Well-Acquainted with all things.)

Taken from Tafsir.com .... you all should know the true meaning of 'beating' the wife after several actions taken were unsuccessful to discipline a 'nusyuz' wife....

Ok...Wassalam


Edited by feryfarah82