Marriage

Salam,

I have a problem.

I have been brought up in America as an agnostic (Believes that man is too stupid to know which is the -right- religion) and recently converted to Islam.

There is an Egyptian Muslim woman that I want to marry. She is divorced, and not living with her parents. I asked her for information to contact her parents, so after a while she gave me her parent's email address. Following tradition, I sent her father an email asking for his daughter's hand in marriage. I told him about myself and asked very politely.

Several days passed and I got no reply.

So, I asked her again and she gave me their phone number. I called, and introduced myself, and her mother hung up on me, saying she knew nobody by that name!

The parents then lied to their daughter about me calling them. They said they never even heard of me.

I found out from AIM (Aol Instant Messenger) That they had blocked me.

I proposed to her formally, thinking that it was the last thing I can do, and she said she didn't know if any Imam would marry us if her parents would not give permission.

They keep trying to introduce her to other men, but she always says no because her last 'arranged' marriage ended so badly. So, if her parents want her married so badly, wouldn't they at least consider me?

It's all because I am white. Aren't there words in the Quran that relate, "There are no races in Islam!"?

Now that I've explained my problem... I would like any advice or help from brothers and sisters here. Can a divorced woman get married without her parents permission? If the parents will not respond to the man wanting to marry their daughter, does that mean they don't care (They didn't even tell me 'no', they just didn't talk to me)? Is there any way to win them over?

Peace to all.

Nausheen,i would like to say that my conviction was same as yours,but then i came a scholar who told me that whichever way,the lady must seek permission from the father/brother,uncle or any male in that line,whether she is a virgin or not.

So its better for our brother here to find out more from the imam as you said before he does anything.What i mean is that theres ikhtilaf concerning the consent of the non-virgin woman in regards to marriage.

peace

Aus

Salam alakum to the brother (namesdontmatter),

I am also a revert (convert), and I wanted to give you an answer and a general comment to your question.

FIRST- In matter of Fiqh (Islamic Jurisprudence), it is very important to NOT depend on the advice of fellow Muslims (even if they are knowledgable. These matter require a specialist (i.e. a qualified Alim)

There are two major schools of Islamic jurisprudence, Sunni and Shia. One this issues (i.e. permanent marriage), there is not alot of disagreement. My Sunni brothers (and sisters) can correct me if I'm incorrect. Here is the Fatwa (ruling) of Ayatollah Ali Al-Sistani, a respected Islamic Scholar (and now world famous, since the Iraq invastion) on this issue from his website. Here is the direct link to this section; http://www.sistani.org/html/eng/main/index.php?page=3&la ng=ara&part=1

HERE IS THE RELEVANT FATWA

"2386. In the following situations, it will not be necessary for a woman to seek the permission of her father or paternal grandfather, before getting married:

1. If she is not a virgin.
2. If she is a virgin, but her father or paternal grandfather refuse to grant permission to her for marrying a man who is compatible to her in the eyes of Shariah, as well as custom.
3. If the father and the grandfather are not in any way willing to participate in the marriage.
4. If they are not in a capacity to give their consent, like in the case of mental illness etc.
5. If it is not possible to obtain their permission because of their absence, or such other reasons, and the woman is eager to get married urgently. "

Marriage is made easy in Islam, and is a mercy from Allah (s.w.a) for us.

Salam

 

Salam,

Like Nausheen sugestion becasue she is widow, there is nothing debatable, so go for it. And congratulations, may Allah give you happiness and bless your marriage.