Polygamy |
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proudmuslima3
Newbie Joined: 01 April 2008 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 24 |
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Posted: 01 April 2008 at 10:53pm |
Asalamu Alaikum Sisters; Ive been a muslim for 2yrs know. I married into polygamy and i have a problem with my husband and i need advice please. Ive always wore heels and know he dosent want me to wear them, but i see his other wife wear heels. Im very upset at this because i enjoy my heels, and when i see her she wears heels and it makes me very upset and it makes me feel like hes favoring her. PLEASE GIVE ADVISE |
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ak_m_f
Senior Member Joined: 15 October 2005 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 3272 |
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Isn't polygamy illegal in US?
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Hayfa
Senior Member Female Joined: 07 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2368 |
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Salaams, Welcome to the forum... A few questions.. 1.How do you know that she is not refusing to not wear the heels? Maybe he told her and she refused. Has he said two different things? So how do you know about their conversation. 2. Why does he not want you to wear heels? Has he said why? I think also you need to make Duas to Allah. It is best to focus inward... and keep the bigger picture in mind at all times. I for one of course cannot understand why your husband even cares if you wear shoes (uness for medical-high heels are really bad for your knees and back-maybe he wants to help you.. ). BUT is harmony and peace worth loosing over shoes?? You really must ask yourself.. Are you otherwise happy in your marriage and your situation? is your husband, kind, respectful, attentive? this is the challenge in co-wife situation.. In part it is important to know his motivations.. what has he said? And again welcome..
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When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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layalee
Senior Member Joined: 04 August 2007 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 157 |
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Wa'lakum As'Salaam- Proudmuslima, has your husband always have a problem with you wearing heels? Will he be more accepting of it if maybe if it was done more so out of 'special occasions', then compared to casual times? Are they ALL heels he are against, or heels of particular height? Sister I know you may be upset to see your co-wife 'getting away' with doing something. But try real hard not to show this emotion to her, because no good results will come from it. Is your husband even aware that she wear heels also? Or do she wear them when he is not around? I have heard reasons on why heels are disliked in Islam. To a certain point I can agree with it though, but I think its the length of the heel that makes the difference. Before reverting back to Islam I LOVED shoes. I even worked part time selling woman shoes. I loved tall heels, I like my heels as long as four inches. Also because I'm really petite ( 5 feet) I liked them because they made me taller. But I have to consider that heels interfere with my modesty. Some heels are 'sexy'. Alot of them are made to be. That was a image when I reverted back to Islam I did not want to portray. By no means am I saying you wear heels to be sexy. But I would say that maybe you may want to ask yourself what is it about the heels YOU like. Whatever the reason may be, is it something you can 'sacrifice' for the sake of pleasing your husband? If you want to remain wearing your heels though I would suggest talking directly to your husband about the mattter, to avoid building up negative emotions. This way the matter can be resolved swiftly. Also maybe the two of you can go shoe shopping together, and you can get a idea of the shoes he like. |
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abuayisha
Senior Member Muslim Joined: 05 October 1999 Location: Los Angeles Status: Offline Points: 5105 |
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Excellent point! |
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seekshidayath
Senior Member Female Islam Joined: 26 March 2006 Location: India Status: Offline Points: 3357 |
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As'Salamu Alaikum, Sister, when your husband does n't like you to wear it, then do stop it. Don't compare yourselves with the other wife of his. All you need to do is be obedient to your husband { As Islam commands it} and thus gain his love and trust in you. If you go for comparisions with her, you may not be with peace within you nor can gain your husband's love. Is n't it ? |
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Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."
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proudmuslima3
Newbie Joined: 01 April 2008 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 24 |
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Thank u my sisters yes ur right i shouldnt worry about her and what she does, but it can be very difficult at times, especialy since she a born muslim and im not. My sisters all of u have very very good advise. To answer sum questions , shes 5feet 4 and im 5feet so shes taller than me, also i did witness her with the heels for the eid when the family was together and for the conference that we all attended, and no ive never shown any kind of anger towards her or at her Alhamdulilah, and Insha Allah i never will. I want to ask him but i know that it will turn into an arguement. I also want to share that i had wanted to do a myspace for my friends and family and he told me no way, but i find out that she has one so i brought it to his attention and he made her take off her picture but i know see that its back up. I havent told him about that or the shoes because i feel like im telling on her and it would cause them to argue. I sometimes feel like hes more on my case cause im a new muslim but its not fare. I know he loves me dearly hes a good husband and father. SHUD I TELL HIM WHAT I KNOW OR SHUD I LEAVE IT ALONE ? If i leave it alone its gonna come out sooner or later i think |
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seekshidayath
Senior Member Female Islam Joined: 26 March 2006 Location: India Status: Offline Points: 3357 |
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As'Salamu Alaikum Masha-Allah sister, you are very good muslimah. Getting married does n't mean that we leave our friends and family. But you need work our very carefully here. Don't ask him as why is he not allowing you to wear it while allowing her ? This way it may lead to arguement. If you wish to wear it, in his good moods, slowly bring up this discussion and let him know that you love wearing heels. But never ever talk of her. Same thing of friends and families too. He may not agree in the very first discussion. It may take some time. May Allah swt bestow you with lots of patience. Don't forget sister, all this is rewarding for you. The real life that matters us, is hereafter. |
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Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."
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