Tech Support :-D

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   Below are actual phone-calls to Tech Support: 

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." 
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" 
Customer: "No." 
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" 
Customer: "No." 
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" 
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." 
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- 
Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message." 
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?" 
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?" 
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- 
Customer: : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." 
Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done." 
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'." 
Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says." 
Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk." 
Customer: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?" 
Customer : "No..." 
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Customer: : "Do I need a computer to use your software?" 
Tech Support:: ?!%#$
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- 
Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" 
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" 
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- 
Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?" 
Customer:: "A white one." 
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- 
Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt." 
Customer:: "How do you spell that?" 
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- 
Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store." 
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?" 
Customer: "Pentium." 
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion." 
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder." 
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- 
Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?" 
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- 
Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly." 
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk." 
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside." 
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?" 
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- 
Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?" 
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support:: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?" 
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- 
A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply. 
Tech: You'll need a new power supply. 
User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files. 
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it. 
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command. 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. 
The tech, seeing this is going nowhere, says: 
Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem. 
User: I knew it! 
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS . Let me know how it goes. 
**10 minutes later**
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking . 
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using? 
User: MS-DOS 6.22 .
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the 
file. Let me know how it goes. 
**1 hour later** 
User: I need a new power supply. 
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply. 
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE. 
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -
Tech Support:I need a product identification # right now, let me help u find it sir.
Cusomert: ok sure
Tech Support: could u left click on start. did u find 'My Computer'? 
Customer: I did left click but how the heck can I find your computer?!!

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Chrysalis Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 25 November 2007 Status: Offline Points: 2033	Post Options Post Reply Quote Chrysalis Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Topic: Tech Support :-D Posted: 27 October 2008 at 8:09am
	Below are actual phone-calls to Tech Support: Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer: "Ok." Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'." ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message." Tech Support: "Did you install the update?" Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?" ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- Customer: : "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done." Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'." Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says." Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'." Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk." Customer: "What?" Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?" Customer : "No..." ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- Customer: : "Do I need a computer to use your software?" Tech Support:: ?!%#$ ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?" Customer:: "A white one." ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt." Customer:: "How do you spell that?" ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?" Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store." ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?" Customer: "Pentium." ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion." ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder." ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?" ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won't boot properly." Tech Support: "What does it say?" Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk." Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?" Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside." ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours." Customer: "Is that Eastern time?" ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?" Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'." Tech Support:: "Well?" Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?" ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- -- A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty. Tech: What's the problem? User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply. Tech: You'll need a new power supply. User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files. Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it. User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command. 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech, seeing this is going nowhere, says: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem. User: I knew it! Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS . Let me know how it goes. 10 minutes later User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking . Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using? User: MS-DOS 6.22 . Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes. 1 hour later User: I need a new power supply. Tech: How did you come to that conclusion? User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply. Tech: Then what did he say? User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE. ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- - Tech Support:I need a product identification # right now, let me help u find it sir. Cusomert: ok sure Tech Support: could u left click on start. did u find 'My Computer'? Customer: I did left click but how the heck can I find your computer?!!
	"O Lord, forgive me, my parents and Muslims in the Hereafter. O Lord, show mercy on them as they showed mercy to me when I was young."

abuayisha Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Muslim Joined: 05 October 1999 Location: Los Angeles Status: Offline Points: 5105	Post Options Post Reply Quote abuayisha Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 27 October 2008 at 11:16am


Truth_light24 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 13 January 2008 Location: Philippines Status: Offline Points: 270	Post Options Post Reply Quote Truth_light24 Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03 November 2008 at 8:10pm
	Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" loooooooooooooooooooooooooooool
	And those who annoy believing men and women undeservedly, bear (on themselves) a calumny and a glaring sin. Quran33:59

ijamidayu Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Joined: 12 November 2008 Status: Offline Points: 8	Post Options Post Reply Quote ijamidayu Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 12 November 2008 at 11:24pm
	Its really make me so angry if they a really i**t people like that. How ever its was a really a fun u share here.