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Am I the wrong one?

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lost View Drop Down
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    Posted: 11 June 2010 at 2:29pm
The last few years, my mother has gotten extremely religious. That's great for her, but not for me. I pray, going to masjid whenever I can, I fast, I donate, I try to read the holy quran whenever I can. I follow the five pillars as best as I can, but she forces the first pillar, Shahadah, on me rather harsh. If I'm not living my life in the life of the Prophet, I am not a good muslim.

Lately she's been getting upset over the fact if I don't want to go to a religious program. This happened last Friday when I didn't want to go to a religious program because I had to study. She got mad. Lately her view is if your not a full fledged Muslim (going to these programs, spending time in masjid over the weekend, and etc.) your not really a muslim. She won't even eat dinner with me and my dad because she wants to sit on the floor and eat like how the Prophet did. I feel like I have to go to these programs just so I wont have to deal with her getting upset.

We have a family friend who I think would be her perfect idle soon. He grows a beard, he goes to different masjid's every month to spread the word of Islam, he has his wife completely covered up, and has her stay in another room when we would go to his house. I don't see myself as that type of person. Maybe one day I might be able to live like that, but these days don't seem like that.

Am I a bad Muslim? Or is there a way I can have my mom back off without upsetting her?

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hayfa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 June 2010 at 3:10am
Asalaam Alaikum,

It is a struggle to please our parents and yet find our own way in this world.

I don't have any simple, quick fixes.  But no, I am sure most of us do not consider you to be a "bad" Muslim. We should live our lives in moderation. And we all have different roles in life. There are the scholars, the auto mechanics, the taxi  drivers, the teachers, the doctors.  And living your life as the Prophet (SAWS) is very much an internal thing. There were workers in that society. There were soldiers, there were teachers, there were healers.

Parents get this way at times in regards to their children.  Sometimes they want "better" for them and forget that this is relative. She is very blessed to have a strong deen and a so who does pray and does take his religion seriously. Is there someone whom she respects who could talk with her?

My duas for you brother.
Hayfa
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy. Rumi
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote I♥Jesus Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 June 2010 at 7:19am
    Narrated Abu Huraira:

    The Prophet said, "Religion is very easy and whoever overburdens himself in his religion will not be able to continue in that way. So you should not be extremists, but try to be near to perfection and receive the good tidings that you will be rewarded; and gain strength by worshiping in the mornings, the nights." (Sahih Muslim Vol 1, Book 2, Number 38), (See Fath-ul-Bari, Page 102, Vol 1).
If Allah had so willed, He would have made you a single people, but (His plan is) to test you in what He hath given you: so strive as in a race in all virtues. 5:48
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Megatron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2010 at 1:57pm
No offense, but your mom is crazy.  I'm just kidding.

One thing I get annoyed about certain Muslims is they think Islam is all about going to Masjid, attending talks, wearing leather socks etc.

Going to work, studying hard making yourself a smart, strong, successful person is also apart of Islam.  It betters yourself and those around you.  We need smart successful people in our fold so I say you're in the right.

Keep in mind though that your Mother loves you more than any other human being will ever, ever, ever.  She's only doing this because she wants the best for you.  Would it kill you to eat with her on the floor once in a while?
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honeto View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote honeto Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 June 2010 at 8:15pm
Salam,
it is not very uncommon though, parents want to see their children better than themselves, in education, job, life and of course as in this case also for the hereafter.
It is also true that sometimes parents may not know how to help kids become better than themselves. I see may be the method is the issue.
It is also important to remember as Muslims, that our parents are to be respected and followed, because they want best for us. The only time you may disobey is if they try to take you away from worship of God.
I guess, I will say try to be understanding and use creativity and kind ways to let her know your other important assignments (at school etc) in a way that she can feel assure and trusting of you.
Also do a lot of dua and ask Allah's help. And remember, fulfilling all obligations that we are given by Allah is not extremism as mentioned by (I Love Jesus guy).

Hasan
The friends of God will certainly have nothing to fear, nor will they be grieved. Al Quran 10:62

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote seekshidayath Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 July 2010 at 8:06pm
As Salamu Alaikum

You have good advices from the responses above.

Why don't you attend any program even before your mother tells you ! That may help to gain confidence of your mother that you don't need push-ups anymore. Whenever you are free try to spent time with Masjid and activities. Discuss them with your mother. She would then inshaAllah nomore persuade you or feel upset, if at all b.cos of other important works you skip meetings.

Regarding the Ideal you mentioned in your post, yes that's a very good characteristic of a muslim. I would say it's weak faith if at all you feel you shud n't be like that. By the way kindly note our level of faith is never stagnant. It fluctuates. So need not worry. Make duas. Remember everyday all of us are to srtive to become a better and more better muslim.

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: �All the descendants of Adam are sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent."
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