Need guidance on marriage

Assalamualikum Sisters,
Coming on an online forum to discuss my problem is very unlike me, but I don't have any other way of getting any advise on the matter as I do not want to discuss this with my family or friends.
I am a 29 year old Muslim woman married to a 32 year old Muslim man for the last 3 years. My husband and I met through parents but ended up talking to each other and getting to know each other before marriage, Our thoughts and values of life were identical and we felt that we can support each other in becoming better human beings and muslims,
I am an independent thinker with a post graduate degree and have always been ambitious about my career but i would never sacrifice my family life for it as family always came first to me.My husband too is very broad minded and supported all my aspirations, he is a fun person and we get along really well as friends. I come from a very affluent family, whereas my husband comes from a newly rich family(they have the backing up of money) and is well educated. Keeping this in mind I was always mindful of the way i treated his family and his extended family and never make them feel that I was snobbish in any way.
Before our wedding we had decided to move to another country fr him to get some stability in his job and for us to get married as soon as possible(The job he was then holding was not something that could have supported the two of us though I would have also supported him at that point).

I have always been fascinated about the struggle a couple goes through and always wanted a man who is self made and that way I would have also contributed to his struggle and I felt this would keep the bond between the two very strong(My parents felt I was mad to think this way)- They were not very happy about my choice of groom(thought the alliance came from them) They wanted a more affluent family and a man with a better job for me as I was their only daughter.

However, they were convinced because I was convinced and I got married and moved to the other country to start a new life with my husband. First thing I have to admit here is no one really told me that the first year of marriage is tough and it takes time for people to adjust, to top it all i was unable to find a suitable job to my liking that made me extremely frustrated-- this intern also made my husband frustrated, he would be really rude with me and once even raised his hand on me that really left me scarred(This was in the first year of our marriage when I was not working)...We had ugly fights, but there was also love - like any newly wed couple. When we visited our home country for the first time after marriage he created a big scene in front of his family over the smallest of things and at times pushed me out of the house to leave... my mother in law at that point would shout at him to not do that but she is not very authoritative woman. This really left me broken, but throughout this process I was also being extremely negative and was depressed and felt this was a result of how i am thinking and I should take care of these things. His behavior with me was completely different from how i would expect a man to behave, he would get offended if I joke about anything and would react in front of anyone and everyone and mock me.
I am not saying that this could not have risen from behavioral issues that we both had but it looked like it was affecting me a lot more than it was affecting him as I didn't even have a career to fall back on.

After returning from the trip I finally landed up a job(not specifically in the field I wanted to work in, but it was a job) which meant more money.But since my husband and I had a slightly lavish lifestyle, the money i was making would be always contributed to the house which left me with no men at all.. which i had no issues with as long as our relationship was looking better. But in the background there was always a bit of ridicule and lack of understanding,

Then I went for another trip to my home country and came back with a completely different approach to the relationship and decided to stay positive come what may. This really changed things for me. I learnt to ignore his hurtful remarks and just keep shut if I wanted this relationship to work. I wouldn't say that my husband didn't put in any effort to this because he was completely oblivious to the fact that his words and gestures could hurt me. So once he snapped at me in front of his friend he sat down and aspic to him and made him realize that what he is doing is wrong and is affecting me and our relationship. It is after this discussion that he put in genuine interest in our relationship and I could see a lot of changes in him, It is this time when i started to open up completely to him and I was beginning to be myself once again.

By now we had completed our 3 years together. His parents moved to a neighboring city and we were expected to visit them every weekend . Which meant, leaving the office immediately after work and spending time when them. Meantime, I had lost my job and my husband has started his own company for the last one year. I had contributed all my salary into his company thinking we will have a better tomorrow and this is just the investment. I would not keep a single penny for myself.

It is when I started observing the way his dad treats his mother is when i realized that my husband was just mirrirring the behavior. His mom was submissive and he expected me to be the same, the fact that I felt women and men are equal was something he was not brought up with and was not very easy for him to understand, his dad was demanding and his mom would listen to every word he would say.And this is exactly what my husband expected of me,which i was unfortunately not. Since I had reached a confort level with my husband I discussed these observations with him with a hope that he would understand what the problem had been and he did! I would thank Allah in all my prayers for all the comforts he had given me I was finally at peace.

My husband has been feeling the pressure of balancing his duties as a husband and a son by driving up and down visiting his parents and also trying to find time to spend with me.
This event happened just before Eid last week, we were getting ready to leave for a family did getaway I had stayed up all night cooking and preparing for the event. In the morning we got slightly delayed in picking up his parents from the neibouring city and moving to the final destination and my father in law kept calling him a lot of times pressurizing him to come fast. Me, my sis in law and my husband were trying our levels best to get ready as fast as possible. While getting ready i realized I had lost my diamond ring my parents had got for me on my graduation day and an inexpensive ring that my husband had bought for me during our honeymoon. I panicked and started reacting as these rings were very precious to me. I was a irritable and reacted when he was putting pressure on me. He was extremely aggressive and ended up slapping and twisting my arm and he also toppled the dressing table and ended up creating a mess around the room with all my jewelry. I was very upset with this behavior as I didn't expect him to read this way. He didn't even give me a few seconds to react to the lost jewelry. He apologized profusely for this and he said that this would never happen again and asked me to have fun during the family get away. I tried my level best to forget and let it be and not react. I couldn't completely forget it but was trying my level best t stay positive as this felt that our relationship was back to square one.
Last evening I was home and when he returned I was cooking dinner and I had cleaned up the house and everything. When he entered he just said that he is really hungry and asked if there was something to eat. I made a mistake, i snapped at him when it was not necessary I realized it immediately and apologized though I was not completely over the incident that had taken place. I believed him and I trusted his words and felt he genuinely cares ofr me and it was the pressure that led him ti behave the way he did.
I apologized about my behavior, he was not okay with it and asked me to get lost but I decided to not let it get to me and I was trying to be as nice to him as possible. my husband has a bad habit of staying up all night reading and watching videos and not coming and sleeping with me as I end up sleeping on time.So last night too i some how with great difficulty fell asleep just to be awoken in the middle of the night where he was uncomfortable and and was pulling my blanket. I got annoyed by this behiour and showed irritation. He got irritated and I just went into the bathroom and decided to watch some videos to help me fall asleep. He came into the bathroom in an aggressive way and and told me that the video noise is disturbing him so i reduced the volume. he came back again and grabbed my phone and was being aggressive and abusive and called me names. This made me very angry as I had already apologized to him for my behavior and he was bringing it up again. And was blaming me for all the problems between us...in this process he slapped me once again...
Now, my real problem is, I can't tell my parents about this or discuss it with anyone and i don't know how to deal with this situation. My parents are really old and can't deal with this problem at this age. I am in a big dilemma whether this is going to be a way of life or he is just under going pressure with his business and since I am also to contributing to it has led to built in frustration. I just need some advice on this matter as to how to deal with this as he is a nice person otherwise and I do love him but i feel there is a big disconnect that is leading to this aggression and behavior

Please help me...