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New revert in marriage and jealousy |
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punkin 
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Female Joined: 21 November 2015 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 5 |
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 Topic: New revert in marriage and jealousyPosted: 21 November 2015 at 9:05am |
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As salamu alaykum,
First to say I am a revert muslim for 2 years now from America. I met my husband through a dating site, he is from Algeria. We have been married for 1 year now and live in America. I found out in October that he was still on a dating website the entire time we have been married....I was devastated and confronted him with it. He immediately closed the site and promised it would not happen again. He tells me I am his world and he loves me only.. 2 months later, he was in another chatting room chatting with women again. He swears it is nothing, that he only wants to talk with new people. We did discuss it in detail and I explained to him how difficult it is for me to know he is chatting with other women. I also reminded him this is a sin in Islam and I am trying to help him also, inshallah. He closed down that site and promised not to return. 3 days later, he has joined another chatting site to chat with women. I am so lost and confused. I feel his love and caring for me, he takes care of me and always spends time with me. I just do not understand this other side of him.... So, this will be our 3 time dealing with this again. He does not know that I know about this new site.. I guess my question would be: should I be so jealous? should I be concerned that he is committing a sin? Is this normal for a Islamic marriage? I have no one to talk too about this and need some guidance. Edited by punkin - 21 November 2015 at 9:07am |
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Rofexa
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Joined: 17 September 2012 Status: Offline Points: 19 |
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Posted: 24 November 2015 at 5:35pm |
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Wa- Alaykum As-salam Punkin,
First and foremost Happy Thanksgiving Insha'Allah Well what he is doing is WRONG period end of subject. If he wants to meet new people, you both should together and preferably at the mesjid. My Hubby is from North Africa also, here is one thing I know, if the roles were reversed. He would be MAD, and rightfully so. Your feelings of betrayal are completely understandable. You are right it is a sin to talk with women who are not related to him. Even if he is lonely for the Arabic language he can go to the Mosque and hookup with some Arab Brother's there. At least they would be guiding him to the straight path. Have you asked him how he would feel if you did such a thing ( not suggesting you should do it ). Ask him to think about it sincerely. Don't react to you saying it, actually think about it. I am a practicing Muslim and a revert/convert to Islam. I now how hard it is, the balancing act of trying to be the perfect Muslim wife. A new marriage is hard enough work without the drama a cheater. I don't mean to say he is a cheater, it is obvious he is looking for someone not sure who. Is there any family here you both can talk to? Believe it or not when his family get a whiff his dirty laundry, it can shame him into reality. Do you have a sisters you can confide to? Maybe her husband can gave a non-confrontational conversation and see what is up? |
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punkin
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Female Joined: 21 November 2015 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 5 |
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Posted: 25 November 2015 at 11:47am |
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as salamu alaykum and thank you for your response....
I just dont understand how a man can express such love for me, then be on chatting sites with non muslim women telling them how beautiful they are and asking if they have a boyfriend. I have talked with him about this,, very calmly, asking him to explain why....was there something I was not fullfilling for him? He says no and he will stop....but he is on another now, chatting away and watching girls on cam acting sexy(not sure how to word that). I keep praying for guidance....Inshallah, I will know what to do. For now, I am just trying to make it through Thanksgiving. Happy Thanksgiving to you!! |
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semar
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Male Islam Joined: 11 March 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 1830 |
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Posted: 26 November 2015 at 10:58am |
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Salam,
Agree 100%, what he is doing is totally wrong, no if, no but. |
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Salam/Peace,
Semar "We are people who do not eat until we are hungry and do not eat to our fill." (Prophet Muhammad PBUH) "1/3 of your stomach for food, 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air" |
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punkin
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Female Joined: 21 November 2015 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 5 |
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Posted: 26 November 2015 at 4:02pm |
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as salam alaykum,
Thank you for your responses. At least I know for sure that this is not something that is accepted in his culture. Now to figure out how to approach this situation with him... Would it be a sin if I left for 1 night, and tell him it is his opportunity to decide who he wants..me or his online girlfriends?? Maybe the reality would make him see his evils...but am I sinning to leave the house without his permission?? InshaAllah, Allah is with me always. |
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semar
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Male Islam Joined: 11 March 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 1830 |
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Posted: 26 November 2015 at 11:01pm |
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I think that perfectly fine. To give some lesson, in the hope that he will correct himself.
Yes but for a truthful husband, you do that because his mistake and for a good purpose will OK insha Allah. I am not a scholar though. |
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Salam/Peace,
Semar "We are people who do not eat until we are hungry and do not eat to our fill." (Prophet Muhammad PBUH) "1/3 of your stomach for food, 1/3 for water, 1/3 for air" |
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punkin
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Female Joined: 21 November 2015 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 5 |
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Posted: 03 December 2015 at 12:01pm |
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Well, I stayed away one night, and he called me non-stop. When I returned home, he promises all will stop....1 day later, he is now on very explicit sex sites. I just do not know what to do, I am so afraid he will go to hell and inshallah I only want the best for him. For now, I am just numb...going through the moments of our marriage. Inshaallah, I will keep praying for the devil to leave our marriage.
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Tim the plumber
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Male Joined: 30 September 2014 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 944 |
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Posted: 04 December 2015 at 1:03am |
It certainly sounds like he is very insecure in his confidence in you and all women. I suggest you try going to counciling together. They are the people to professionally sort this out like a plumber is the person to sort out a leaking pipe. |
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punkin wrote: