Someone please help me (long) :(

Asalaam O'Alaikum,

I have an issue regarding my marriage. Any help is appreciated as the option of divorce is starting to dawn upon us.

I have been married for 1 and a half years and my husband currently doesn't work. He is studying full-time and works very casually. I live with his family and he is the only son. I don't work currently and I'm having a very hard time finding a job so we are pretty much living off of his mom working and earning for us. His dad has filed for disability due to health matters.

Recently we had a fight due to him not wanting kids. He approached me on several occasions and asked me if I am okay with his tubes getting tied and my answer was a flat out no. This happened a few times.

Finally one day when we were arguing over petty issues and then started to come to a closure, he told me he made the appointment to get his tubes tied and even made the deposit. First of all what set me off was that he did this behind my back, second, he has always told me he has no time and money for me even though he goes out to play his sports he really likes (for which he pays), paid for his bike and car, paid for many things. So now I lost his trust and feel very insecure.

I have another issue with him not spending enough time with me yet he does so with his parents at home after he comes home from school or work. while he does this i clean around the house and find myself distractions and not dwell over the fact that i would like to spend time with him.

Granted we spend time with each other here and there but sometimes I want a change to maybe go out and be alone just with him. It gets a bit much sometimes to have his parents around all the time. I'm not asking for much, just a simple coffee. Ideally I would like to go out for a walk, to the mall for window shopping, ice skating and many other things that only costs us some time, not money. But he likes to render my desires as very high expectations.

I'm honestly not the type to spend money as I have always grown up still go this day around money tight situations. Also, our private life is not the very best either because he has always failed to satisfy me. He thinks it takes too long and for that I am very ashamed and feel very degraded. I don't know how to change this but really the only person to change this would be him. And it saddens me to say that since we have been married he has only satisfied me once after much struggle and tears. As a wife I am sure I have the right to feel the same way as he does during our intimate time..

So I'm not sure how to make him realize this as I am not getting the attention I need from him at home, no sort time out or anything, no sort of assurance, no kids, no pleasure. I'm lost. His mom always takes his side too. I asked her if she is fine with us not having kids and she told me that's his choice. She has never even corrected him when he does something wrong. Never ever does she mention anything to him but she has a list of complaints for me and my way of living.

I'm a very quiet person and because of this reason I don't converse much, she thinks I haven't accepted them as my family when clearly that's not the case. I feel very overwhelmed by all of this and I really don't want this to end. But he tells me that we need a break and now here I am trying to sleep at my parents house ( we live in the same town) and I can't sleep, it's 5 am now. :( the concept of divorce has never crossed my mind but every time I have an issue he always brings this up.

I honestly don't know what to do because I have lost my trust in him and I don't feel secure in this marriage because he doesn't even want kids.

Please, any help is appreciated.

Thank you very much.

Asalaam O'Alaikum sister,

Thank you very much for your reply.

I have approached my family and his family together in one room.

However, that backfired on me. They are bringing up petty issues regarding me and my lifestyle at home and they put everything on me. They are consistently mentioning that I haven't accepted them as my own family.

They completely disregarded the fact that their son took this step. And when I confronted this with them they told me that's his choice and continued to put all of the blame on me on this situation.

I am still staying at my parents house. He even left the country with his parents to go to a family event. I was supposed to be a part of this but they all had the nerve to leave me here. All communication is blocked and they even brought my stuff packed in suitcases to make me "comfortable" living with my parents.

I'm very lost I have lost all hope. I've been praying night and day but I'm seeing no light to the end of the tunnel.