A Woman’s Love for a Man

As'Salaamu Alaikum brothers!

With all due respect since I'm posting this discussion here for only the brothers and particularly Muslim men I hope the sister can respect my wishes and not respond here. I wanted to ask you brothers what you all think about love? In particularly if you can if you are married tell me what love is like in marriage? Also tell em what you think about love? Is it unconditional for you? Is it conditional for you.

Allow me to go briefly.... Love to me in my opinion is logical and its conditional. At first I thought maybe love was unconditional but I think in certain situations such as infidelity I believe those would turn the relationship into a conditional form. Honestly the world has turned itself inside out. Love to me is non-existent. The way relationships are nowadays they are conditonal forms of marital bliss. I myself cannot find any decent sisters in my masjid and it has been tough with Police Academy so it hasn't helped either.

I just recently met a woman who is in my Academy class who, although is not Muslim was interested in who I was as a person. Some of the sisters in my masjid I cxannot talk to personally for obvious reasons but they never really give me a chance. Most of them, I later find are intimidated by me because of my athletic figure and my tattoos that I'm some sort of player type and that I'll be a cheater eventually. Most of them are too into their culture.

This indvidual person is nice however. Smart funny and attractive. I understand Islamically speaking I'm not supposed to be having conversation with this person but in all honesty as Allah knows I've tried. It's hard being a single, mature and motivating man. Brothers Ive tried meeting sisters in majid but as I mentioned above they are too involved in culture. Me being African-American even some of the African sisters. However I don't look at culture as other sisters do.

Point being is that there are some feelings with this woman and although I know it isn't love it is something. So far the situation is cordial but there might be something down the road and who knows? Perhaps this situation too, is God's will. Besides the question above what do you brothers have to say for me here in this situation?

I don't want to sound like Bill Clinton, but "I feel your pain".  I've been rejected by Muslim women as well where I live because I'm from a different culture. 

If a woman can't accept you for who you are, that's their problem.  I learned that a long time ago.  You can't change who you are and if you try to be someone else, you'll just be a big loser. 

Most women hate eccentricities in character or appearance, because most of them are morons.  Ignorant people are afraid of things they don't understand and since most women are ignorant, they tend to shy away from unconventional people.  Yeah I got some mysogynistic views, but I've been alive long enough to realize that all the PC stuff my mother fed me about women was garbage.  I'm sure there are Muslim women out there who aren't idiots and won't care if you have some tatoos and don't look like your average Johnny Muslim.

Invariably if you start anything with a non-Muslim woman, she'll most likely want to be intimate with you, which is haram.  Even a simple kiss or hug is not considered good. 

I don't see anything wrong with you talking to her as long as you are not alone.  If you're lucky, she might gain an interest in Islam.  If she doesn't I personally believe she should be kicked to the curb. 

I've been in a similar situation before.  You as the Muslim man have to follow a more strict set of rules so you need to be in control.  Try telling her where you are coming from with regard to your religious beliefs.  If she doesn't understand them, then I don't really forsee a future with her.

Personally speaking, I fell for a Catholic girl, but she couldn't accept that I was not able to touch her so she said goodbye.  I won't lie and say I'm not unbelievably bitter about it (I loved her), but I'm better off in the end.  I'd prefer to live a life of cold and utter loneliness than to compromise my beliefs, but that's just me.

You're in a Police Acadamy huh?  Is it anything like those irritating eighties movies?...what did they get up to Police Academy 8? 

Nobody is touching this topic because love between a man and woman is completely superficial.  It's just a release of endorphins and other neurochemicals. 

If you want that feeling of love, eat a lot of chocolate. 

Also see this verse from the Qur'an:

30:21 And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.