How to practise self-control?

Asslamualaikum,

I am an extremer. I know the harms of it. I know moderation is the best way. But I dont know how to practise it? I am emotional in my responses. I have no self-control. This situation makes me a victim of low self-esteem. Recently I get job in a university and you are well aware of the duties of a teacher. Its a big responsibility. Students learn a lot from their teachers. This thing also bothers me. Please do help me in this regard. Jazak Allah

Maasalam

 Auzubillahi minash shaitan ir rajeem,

A feeling of discouragement when you slip up
                  is a sure sign that you put your faith in deeds.

Reliance on a thing means to lean on it and to put one's trust in it. Deeds are the actions of either the heart or the body. If an action is in harmony with the Shari'a, it is called obedience. If it is contrary to the Shari'a, it is called disobedience.

A goal you seek by your Lord:
                       no delay here.
            A goal you seek by yourself:
                       not easy.
            A sign of success in the end:
                        turning to Allah in the beginning.
            A radiant beginning:
                       a radiant ending.

When you have a need related to this world or the Next and want for it to be satisfied quickly for you, then seek it by Allah and do not seek it by yourself. If you seek it by Allah, it will be easy for you and it will satisfied quickly. If you seek it by yourself, it will be hard to satisfy it and it will be difficult. That which you seek by your Lord is not delayed or withheld, and that which you seek by yourself is not easy or simple. Allah Almighty says, relating from Musa, peace be upon him: "Musa said to his people, 'Seek help in Allah and be steadfast. The earth belongs to Allah. He bequeaths it to any of His slaves He wills. The successful outcome is for the godfearing.'" (7:128) Whoever seeks help by Allah and is steadfast in seeking his need, the successful outcome will be his, and he is one of the godfearing.

Source; Hikam: Ibn Ata'allah

Take care.

Maa salaama,

Nausheen

Amna ali,

Salaam.  I think you are certainly not alone in being a human who is searching for the meaning of life and trying to find yourself.  This is a pretty common thing among we humans!

I'll share what I have learned after half a century of searching, failing, struggling and trying again.  I have learned to accept myself as I am, flaws and all.  I have learned that Allah loves me, flaws and all.  I have learned that giving myself to Allah in every possible way has brought me inner contentment and joy.

Try to keep in mind that the life of this world is fleeting.  It is a trial from Allah, and we are all tried in our own way.  How you handle this trial will determine your status for eternity (the Afterlife), so it is important to always remember Allah and to serve Allah as best you can.  Everything else will fall into place, flaws and all.

Don't focus on the little things that bother you, they are unimportant.  Don't get all upset over the big things that bother you, just let them go.  This means, trust in Allah, worship Allah, give yourself to Allah, in all sincerity.  And everything will eventually fall into place - after hardship, ease.

2:155-157 - And most certainly shall We try you by means of danger, and hunger, and loss of worldly goods, of lives and of (labours) fruits.  But give glad tidings unto those who are patient in adversity - who, when calamity befalls them, say, "verily, unto Allah do we belong and verily, unto Him we shall return."  It is they upon whom their Sustainer's blessings and grace are bestowed, and it is they, they who are on the right path!.

29:64 - For, the life of this world is nothing but a passing delight and a play - whereas, behold, the life in the hereafter is indeed the only [true] life: if they but knew this!

I hope this is at least a bit helpful.  I will say dua'a for you.

Peace, ummziba.

They say that any habit can be changed in only thirty days.  Negative self talk is a bad habit. Negative self talk is when we put ourselves down, tell ourselves we are no good and so on, things that help to lower our self esteem instead of raise it up.

Try this: determine that you will stop telling yourself bad things about yourself for the next thirty days.  Everytime you find yourself doing negative self talk force yourself to stop immediately and do something else.  The something else could be whatever you choose: 2 rakah of prayer, keeping an elastic on your wrist and snapping it, walking around the block, looking yourself in the mirror and telling yourself that you are a good and worthy person... whatever you feel will work for you and your situation.

Ask Allah Almighty to give you the courage and patience to change this bad habit.  Thank Allah for everyday you manage to stop doing it.  Don't let yourself get away with falling back to the bad habit - be steadfast for thirty days in a row.

If you can manage to stop the bad habit for thirty days, you will find that it is much easier to stop it altogether!  I hope this helps.

Peace, ummziba.