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ConfusedKaren View Drop Down
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    Posted: 18 October 2006 at 6:31pm
the relationship I'm currently in and what to do with all conflicts that arise and my significant other using Islam to justify his actions.
 
I have been dating this man for about 4 years now, at first everything was great but now I feel that the relationship is becomeing unhealthy and filled with lies.
 
Story of my life:
Recently we been having problems because I feel that he is talking to his 17 year old niece a little too much and the conversations are a bit inapporiate (niece is his older sister's daughter). I started to express my concern to him about the relationship that he was engaging with his niece when the niece told a couple of her highschool friends that a girl (me) was messing with her man (her uncle). She didn't tell them that the man she was referring to was her uncle. Her friends called me and harrassed me and told me to stop "messing with her man." Red flags in the air. I started to doubt Islam and what Islam really preaches because I believe it taught nothing but killing "kafirs and having illict relationships with sisters and other females in the family."  Anyhow, they would talk from 6 am to about 2 am almost on a dialy basis and they would text about 500 messages a day. Which I believe to be outrageous! Soon he started to delete his messages and use other phones to call her. One night while taking out the garbage I overheard him yelling at her for being mad at him for visiting his dad's house, which I thought was ridiculous because I thought that was his niece and nothing more. There were incidents where she called me telling me she hasn't started her menstraul cycle, which I asked her is she trying to imply something. She stated,no. A few months later her brother called me telling me that he saw his uncle go into his sister's room and when he went in, unannouced, his uncle was buttoning up his shirt and the sister was hidden under the comforter. This really disgust me. Here I'm thinking this guy is so sweet, religious, he doesn't drink or smoke I only wish the Christians at my church were like him.  Anyhow, my question is "is this kind of relationship NORMAL?" If not what can I do who can I talk to to get over this mess? Thanks for reading and your comments are most welcomed.
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MOCKBA View Drop Down
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Points: 1410 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MOCKBA Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 October 2006 at 8:13pm

Bismillah

It is not 'normal' to have a non-marital relationship in the first place, in the view of Islam... Committing this sin leads to greater sins of which your personal experience tells us.

The best is to leave the mess... and deeds that are sinful.

  
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UmmTaaha View Drop Down
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Karen,

If this girl is his real sister's daughter then this man is commiting two serious sins.

1. he is having a relationship outside marriage - and wallhualam to what extent.

2. He is having this kind of relationship with a woman whom he is not allowed to marry.

Islam does not preach any of what this man is into. Men of taqwa do not even approach women in the first place, unless the need is unavoidable, and when they do so, they observe all proprieties.

In anycase this is not just not normal, it is an enormity (if the girl is his real neice). You should end your relationship with this man immediately, since he is not worth it. If you want, it is purely upto you, but if you want, I think the best thing would be to inform this girl's mother about it.

Whatever you do, just stop communicating with him, and end all kinds of contacts.

 
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ConfusedKaren View Drop Down
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Points: 3 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ConfusedKaren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 October 2006 at 12:13am
I was told that as long as I am a "person from the bible, Christian, Jews, Catholics, that the relationship is premissable. Secondly, telling the girls mother, I stop trying after she told me that nothing is going on. I have heard rumors that one of the sisters was molested by one of the sister's husband's father, and I'm under the impression this family is dysfunctional and they allow such things to take place. I only wish I can confront them but they aren't educated, so it's hard to make the families see things. Anyhow, I now know where the path lies for me. Thanks for your opinions.
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UmmTaaha View Drop Down
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Points: 159 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote UmmTaaha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 October 2006 at 12:30am

Originally posted by ConfusedKaren ConfusedKaren wrote:

I was told that as long as I am a "person from the bible, Christian, Jews, Catholics, that the relationship is premissable.

There is one correction here though. A man is allowed to marry a woman from among the people of the book, however he is not allowed to have a "relationship" per se. What is meant here is - islam does not allow free mixing of people from opposite genders. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, comforting etc is not permissible in islam unless one is related to the person either by blood or marriage - and there are rules as to who falls in this catergory.

Originally posted by ConfusedKaren ConfusedKaren wrote:

  I'm under the impression this family is dysfunctional and they allow such things to take place. I only wish I can confront them but they aren't educated, so it's hard to make the families see things. Anyhow, I now know where the path lies for me. Thanks for your opinions.

Hopefully this observation has come after a closer analysis, and you see Islam in a better light.

You are welcome to seek opinions. Please make sure that you do not overgeneralize specific encounters with people who profess to be muslims.

 

 



Edited by UmmTaaha
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Sign*Reader View Drop Down
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Originally posted by ConfusedKaren ConfusedKaren wrote:

the relationship I'm currently in and what to do with all conflicts that arise and my significant other using Islam to justify his actions.
 
I have been dating this man for about 4 years now, at first everything was great but now I feel that the relationship is becomeing unhealthy and filled with lies.
 
Story of my life:
Recently we been having problems because I feel that he is talking to his 17 year old niece a little too much and the conversations are a bit i
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>A few months later her brother called me telling me that he saw his uncle go into his sister's room and when he went in, unannouced, his uncle was buttoning up his shirt and the sister was hidden under the comforter. This really disgust me. Here I'm thinking this guy is so sweet, religious, he doesn't drink or smoke I only wish the Christians at my church were like him

Thanks for reading and your comments are most welcomed.

In United States this would be a case of STATUTORY RAPE beside other religious counts to which these animals are totally oblivious to. This so called  friend of yours belongs in slammer; if you have any real gutts you and her brother need to get the authorities in on this instead of wasting more time and you need to get cleared of him instead drolling over his not smoking or drinking you will find out soon how swee he is, so he knows that you know. you got problems
Do it pronto




Edited by Sign*Reader
Kismet Domino: Faith/Courage/Liberty/Abundance/Selfishness/Immorality/Apathy/Bondage or extinction.
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Aisha Muslima View Drop Down
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Points: 50 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Aisha Muslima Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 October 2006 at 4:36pm

assalam alikum ConfusedKaren, Ur boyfriend of yours and his family is really not a normal family and is really dysfunctional. In islam it a big sins to have sex without marriage and it NOT aloud to marry a family member (uncle, niece, sister, brother, mother, father.....more). I think you should do to try stoping this the best you can and leave them. You dont need to be in this mess. And about Muslims killing Kafirs it not true, there is no complusion in religion, we have our religion and they have their.

take care

wa alikum assalam

Aisha Muslima
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ConfusedKaren View Drop Down
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Joined: 18 October 2006
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Points: 3 		Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ConfusedKaren Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 October 2006 at 2:58pm
I don't have guts to put a man behind bars for a sin that he is commiting and for breaking the law. I'm not God and it's not my place to punish him. I just want a better understanding of how Islam works in a person's life and what Islam preaches. Can someone explain to me what "mut'aa" really means? The brother told me this is what he has witnessed but when I called him to have him re-tell the story he is now saying he can't remember anything from that day.
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