This is hillarious seriosly

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   These quotes are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters. 

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? 
WITNESS: July 18th. 
ATTORNEY: What year? 
WITNESS: Every year. 
____________ _________ _________ _______ 
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? 
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. 
____________ _________ _________ ________ 

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? 
WITNESS: Yes. 
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? 
WITNESS: I forget things. 
ATTORNEY: You forget things? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? 
____________ _________ _________ _______ 

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? 
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. 
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? 
WITNESS: Forty-five years. 
____________ _________ _________ _____ 

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? 
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" 
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? 
WITNESS: Because my name is Susan 

____________ _________ _________ ________ 

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? 
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? 
____________ _________ _________ ______ 

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he? 
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty 
____________ _________ _________ _________ _ 

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? 
W ITNESS : Would you repeat the question? 
____________ _________ _________ ________ 

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? 
WITNESS: Yes. 
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? 
WITNESS: Uh.... 
____________ _________ _________ ________ 

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? 
WITNESS: Yes. 
ATTORNEY: How many were boys? 
WITNESS: None. 
ATTORNEY: And how many were girls? 
____________ _________ _________ ________ 
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? 
WITNESS: By death. 
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? 
____________ _________ _________ ________ 

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? 
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. 
ATTORNEY: And was this person a male or a female? 
____________ _________ _________ ________ 
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? 
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. 
____________ _________ _________ _______ 
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? 
WITNESS: Dah, all of them. 
____________ _________ _________ ________ 
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? 
WITNESS: OK. 
ATTORNEY: What school did you go to? 
WITNESS: Oral. 
____________ _________ _________ ________ 

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? 
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. 
ATTORNEY: And Mr Denton was dead at the time? 
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him. 
____________ _________ _________ _________ _____ 
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? 
WITNESS: Huh? 
____________ _________ _________ _________ _____ 
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? 
WITNESS: No. 
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? 
WITNESS: No. 
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? 
WITNESS: No. 
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? 
WITNESS: No. 
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? 
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. 
ATT ORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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Arab Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 15 December 2006 Location: Kuwait Status: Offline Points: 256	Post Options Post Reply Quote Arab Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Topic: This is hillarious seriosly Posted: 11 February 2007 at 5:52am
	These quotes are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters. ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. ____________ _________ _________ _______ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ____________ _________ _________ ________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget things. ATTORNEY: You forget things? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ____________ _________ _________ _______ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. ____________ _________ _________ _____ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: Because my name is Susan ____________ _________ _________ ________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________ _________ _________ ______ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty ____________ _________ _________ _________ _ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? W ITNESS : Would you repeat the question? ____________ _________ _________ ________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh.... ____________ _________ _________ ________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: And how many were girls? ____________ _________ _________ ________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? ____________ _________ _________ ________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: And was this person a male or a female? ____________ _________ _________ ________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ____________ _________ _________ _______ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: Dah, all of them. ____________ _________ _________ ________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? WITNESS: OK. ATTORNEY: What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. ____________ _________ _________ ________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh? ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____ ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATT ORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

peacemaker Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Moderator Group Male Joined: 29 December 2005 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 3057	Post Options Post Reply Quote peacemaker Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 13 February 2007 at 10:14am

	Then which of the favours of your Lord will ye deny? Qur'an 55:13

number41 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 09 March 2007 Location: Japan Status: Offline Points: 163	Post Options Post Reply Quote number41 Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 17 March 2007 at 12:55am
	I like all of them. H H H H H More please.

Christian_lady Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Starter Joined: 09 June 2007 Status: Offline Points: 4	Post Options Post Reply Quote Christian_lady Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 09 June 2007 at 2:16pm
	____________ _________ _________ ________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? WITNESS: OK. ATTORNEY: What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. ____________ _________ _________ ________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him. ____________ _________ _________ _________ _____ Those are hilarious!!! the above are my favs though :p [/QUOTE]

abuayisha Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Muslim Joined: 05 October 1999 Location: Los Angeles Status: Offline Points: 5105	Post Options Post Reply Quote abuayisha Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 10 June 2007 at 9:58am
	ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.