Deadly Kristin Interview

[ Just a basic little intro - Deadly Kristin (now Hayam Nur) was a rocker of a black metal band - Ancient. She became Muslim around less than 2 years ago. The following is an interview she did on HailMetal a while ago as well. Enjoy. ]

HailMetal.Com: Greetings Deadly Kristin!!! I hope that you can spare some time to answer a few questions that we have lined up for you. This may give us and our readers a clearer indication of your past and contemporary life.

Deadly Kristin: Salaam, I am here at your service, so go ahead...

HailMetal.Com: I`d like to start with a question which was on everyone`s mind for a long time. Have you converted to Islam and how do you combine the religion in your case with Satanism?

Deadly Kristin: Wow, we begin with a very sharp and good question. I cant say I have converted as I didnt have any religion prior to Islam. My mind had always been troubled by existential questions since when I was a kid. I have always been deep and always questioned what I was being told. I wanted to think with my own head as most of the things adults were saying didnt make sense to me. I started to observe life around me, the human behaviour, I started to study science, philosophy, astronomy, biology, physics, chemistry and builded myself a culture. I observed nature and the laws that rule it, I spent nights in deep meditation wondering about the meaning of life, the meaning of death, the creation of the universe. I put together the pieces of the big puzzle and I saw what all these sciences had in common. Starting from that basis I began to formulate my own theories on life, on the universe, on everything. In these years I spent hundreds of beautiful hours talking with intellectual and educated people from different countries, different cultures and different backgrounds. We discussed existential topics and exchanged views and ideas. I exposed my own theories which were often considered very interesting and valuable. Still some things were driving me insane as in my theories I had some gaps, some things to which I still didnt have an answer. I couldnt see the totality of things because in my head I was denying the concept of divinity, of a surpreme entity that dominated the creation. I didnt think there was a god because of the multitude of bad and unfair things that happen in this world. I was thinking: if there is a god, why doesnt he show himself, why does he allow these things to happen?

At a point of my life I even thought that if there was a god then he must have been good and evil at the same time. That would have been the only explanation to everything. To why we are given life and then it is taken away from us, to why we have to go through injustice, pain and suffering. To why we are given the blessing of having a family and lovely people around us and then we see them die, leaving us in total despair and agony. When I first met Abdullah Hamzah of Celt Islam Soundsystem and Dawoud Kringle, who are now my best friends and band mates in Analogue Fakir, we started talking about all this. They were the first people I was talking to who could not only understand perfectly my theories, but could also fill me in where I had gaps. They introduced me to sufism and to Islam. When I started to read the Qur`an I was very curious and eager to see if I could find something similar to my theories there...and not only I did find it, I even got to know more about what I had assumed and found the answer to all the questions that always troubled my heart. Believe me, I am someone who doesnt get influenced very easily, I was the biggest non-believer and I always based my theories on matter of facts not on dogma. The Qur`an is an incredible source of information on life itself and its meaning. You can read precise and scientific details on how the universe was created, on the laws that dominate it, details on the relation of time and space, of the phases of development of embryos! Plus also incredible important revelations for oceanology, astrology etc. The Qur`an was written in 610 A.D., in a time where science was very basic and technology didn`t exist. The funny thing is that modern science is discovering NOW, at the present moment what already was explained in the Qur`an about 1.400 years ago! The theory of the big bang for istance, the very recent discovery that the universe is actually in constant expansion (and not stable and immobile within its limits like it was always thought), the also very recent theory of the Big Crunch, which says that one day the universe will collapse on itself and return to the condition of its origin the one that originated the big bang.

All this and more is written in the Qur`an and there is no doubt for me that is the word of God, because any other explanation wouldnt be possible. If you are interested in reading about the scientific miracles of the Qur`an I can reccomand this wonderful website: miraclesofthequran.com. As far as my old idea of God that could be good and evil at the same time, Allah represents this very well. He is the infinitely merciful but also an incredible punisher. The bad things that happen in life are tests on people and everything happens for a reason. The reason why a lot of evil and disgusting people get all the money and power is to give them the illusion they are sufficient to themselves and increase their lack of faith. The more they have the more they become ungrateful, the more they become their own gods, the more they become arrogant...and the greater punishment will have in the afterlife, which is the real life, not this one.

As far as satanism I never claimed to be a satanist. In fact in the past I didnt even believe in Satan just like I didnt believe in God as I thought they were just an invention of christianity. I wrote anti religious lyrics in the past because I was very p****d off at people who claimed to be religious and they dont even know what their religion is about. They just believe in what they have been told and they dont use their heads. I dont have much appreciation for people who are like sheep and dont use their brains. My choice for Islam was motivated and studied for long. On another note you may want to realize that most bands use "satan" as a symbol of rebellion, as a metaphore.

They dont go out and slaughter goats and rape babies during black masses. If they do they are really st**id. To my eyes who adores satan was just as dumb as someone who adored Jesus Christ or any other god. For the same reasons I told you before.

HailMetal.Com: How did you go about finding this particular religion and while on that matter explain to us who Analogue Fakir is?

Deadly Kristin: I guess I already have answered how I got close to Islam in the previous question. Analogue Fakir is an islamic jungle dub project with very dark ambient atmospheres based in England. It is a mystical and deep project whose sounds can really wake up feelings and emotion inside. Despite the fact that is an electronic project I would consider it kind of extreme for the darkness of sounds and pretty strong approach. In the band we are all Sufis and best friends, very close to each other on a mental, social and spiritual level. That�s why the project is so intense. It features me on vocals, Abdullah Hamzah on keyboards, percussions and programming and Dawoud Kringle on sitar. We also have our friend Purple Dave doing some keys.

HailMetal.Com: Just to clarify, as you have embraced Sufism, what does it really mean and does it involve anything `ritual` for the lack of a better word?

Deadly Kristin: Sufism is not just a philosophy related to islam, it is a way of being. Many books have been written on Sufism, by non-sufis, but how can they understand something that they are not, something that is not part of their hearts? Sufis live in this world yet they are not part of it. To the Sufi material things mean nothing, gold and dirt have just the same value. Sufis are people that have attained mystical enlightment. I do not belong to any tariqa, that means to any specific Sufi Order, though the one I feel closer to me is the one of the Mevlevi, The Whirling Dervishes, founded by the dorable and great Sufi Master and poet Jalaluddin Rumi. They have ritual dances, ritual chants.

Another important "ritual" for the Sufis is the dhikr. It is a gathering that can go on for many hours where the Sufis chant and move in circles or stepping side to side, creating an hypnotizng and very intense energy and union that can lead people to reach mystical ecstasy. It has an immense power and should be done only by people who can control themselves otherwise it could be too overwhelming.

HailMetal.Com: I was not aware that you`ve turned toward Techno Trance music (an electronic project?). How did this eventuate?

Deadly Kristin: More than techno trance I would say electronic music in general, as I dont have a favourite genre nor I can say to be a big fan of any band in particular, apart from Celt Islam Soundsystem and Analogue Fakir of course. I started in 2003, doing some guest vocals for Kaiaphas (now Dj Zhyin) that needed some vocals for his psy-trance tracks. I really liked the result and I felt like challenging myself with something new that I had never had done before. So I created a project called Noctem Dk with another metalhead friend of mine, an extremely talented musician called Noctem (who also appears as guest on a Dreamlike Horror track). We both had never done electronic music before, so we just started to play something, almost just for fun...we recorded a few songs and they turned out really good! In fact we received such a good response that we are now considering to record a whole album!

HailMetal.Com: Is black metal still your preferred sub genre of music?

Deadly Kristin: No and it hasnt been for a few years now. I got tired of it as it has been abused and commercialized all over the world. It ended up spawning millions of norwegian clone bands that all looked and sounded the same. Most of all I got tired of the crappy attitude of the people who listen to black metal. Black metal was born under specific circumstances in the 90�s in Scandinavia. Funny how it came to America now, 20 years later. I still like very much heavy metal and hard rock. I am taking a break from death metal at the moment has I have been listening too much to it for the past 15 years eheheh. I still like it though.

HailMetal.Com: As mentioned Aphazel and you are currently involved in Dreamlike Horror. Tell us all what Dreamlike Horror is and how do you find it to be working again with Aphazel?

Deadly Kristin: Dreamlike Horror is my personal project that I founded in `99 together with Aphazel. Although our first record "Delightful Suicides" has just been released Dreamlike Horror is not a new project. The album was recorded part in 1999-2000 and part in the winter of 2004. It took so long time because it was a project that we did for ourselves and we were not sure if we wanted to release it as it was such a personal project. The music is very intense, dramatic and emotional, just like the lyrics. It could be defined as a mixture of gothic, dark ambient and classical music with a horror touch. I am not really working with Aphazel, the new songs of Dreamlike Horror have been composed by each of us separately. I would love to work with him in person but it is very difficult as we both have very busy lives and we now live in different countries. I admire Aphazel very much, he is not only an amazing and talented musician but also a really great person with an outstanding and mysterious personality.

HailMetal.Com: Not long ago have you parted ways with Ancient. In your words what caused the split?

Deadly Kristin: I didnt want to leave the band. Ancient was a very important part of my life and after so many years with them they were like family to me. I still miss them very much and a part of me still doesnt realize that is a chapter of my life that is now over. They decided that I could no longer stay in the band when I moved to Sweden. Unfortunately for personal reasons I had to let them down for shows sometimes and that definitely affected the life of the band. Having me in a different country would have made things even more complicated. I understand and respect their decision and wish them the best of luck.

HailMetal.Com: As I said you are now collaborating with Aphazel. Will this prompt you for an Ancient reunion (you coming back)? I`m still hopeful!

Deadly Kristin: Ancient hasnt split up, they still exist and they keep touring, having great shows. As far as me singing again in Ancient it may happen sometime in the future as guest vocalist, it would be nice to hit the stage again with them. On the other hand I dont think I will be part of the band again. Especially not now that I took a new direction for my life.

HailMetal.Com: I`ve read somewhere that you`re currently working on or have finished a book that you`ve been writing for quite some time now. Please if possible disclose some information of what your writing is all about and whether the will be available for purchase some time down the track?

Deadly Kristin: The book is a collection of my philosphical theories that I have been writing since I was a teenager. The work was very delayed because last year I lost the most important chapters of the book in a hard-drive crash. I was very upset and I didnt dare re-write everything again. It takes a lot of time and I have been very busy, especially with the album of Dreamlike Horror and my new electronic projects. On top of all this I also embraced sufism which kind of filled in the gaps I had in my theories and completed them. This would mean, if I was to publish it, I would have to go through the book again and re-write some parts with my new eyes. I may go on with it someday, but I dont think i will do it anytime soon as I am recording two albums at the moment. When the day comes you will see the news on my official site.

HailMetal.Com: As many may not know you also work as a teacher. What do students think about your extra curricular activities outside and do you find teaching to be rewarding? Does it give you richer experience and do you apply it to your writing (in terms of music).

Deadly Kristin: I see that you are very well informed. Good. I have to say that teaching is a perfect job for me. I teach italian at a highschool here in Sweden, italian is my mothertongue as you may already know. I love teaching and it gives me a lot of satisfaction. I also love my students. They are great, though occasionally some of them try to flirt with me which embarasses me a little. We laugh a lot and there is a very relaxed and cool atmosphere in class. They dont know about my musical career as I dont mention it. They know I have been involved in the media and that i sing but they dont know anything about me releasing records and all that. I like to keep separated my private life and my job. I think it is better this way as they are two separate worlds. Yes teaching is definitely rewarding but it doesnt have any influence on my music.

HailMetal.Com: Dreamlike Horror are signed with Sleaszy Rider Records. It`s quite a funny name for a record company, is it not? Have they helped the band much since the beginning? I would imagine internet these days helps out a lot as a promotional tool particularly for self funded releases (which is the case with most unknown bands now days).

Deadly Kristin: I think Sleaszy Rider is a very cool name. The founder, Tolis is a nice person and he is a great fan of glam metal hence the name of the label. He has been doing a good job and now he got a contract for distribution worldwide with Emi which was a big step forward. If you want to check out the label site here is the address: www.sleaszyrider.com. Yes the internet gives great exposure for sure. I just wish people would buy more records instead of downloading the albums for free all the time from the internet. That would definitely help the musicians.

HailMetal.Com: Poetry is a big part of your life no doubt as you have been doing just that since you were very little. How do you see our planet and what would you change about it, if given an opportunity and a large sum of money (to get you going)?

Deadly Kristin: Our planet is in danger. Human beings are trying to destroy the beautiful paradise we were given and they are polluting it, trying to modify its natural balance. No wonder that so many natural catastrophies have been happenning. But nature knows how to take back what was taken away and knows exactly how to re-establish its balance. Everything was created in perfect harmony and in the right measure. It is people who destroy what was orginally perfect. What bothers me the most, apart from the situation of the natural environment, is the perverted insanity of certain people. Those are the people who for istance play "god". They decide to clone animals ( and I am sure even human beings), they bring back to life pets that have been dead, they make the sickest experiments. This is just wrong! Not to talk about all these wars around the world, the greed of people, money that can buy everything, a society that is based on making money, aiming at positions of power and everything that seems to count is to appear. Look at the model of woman they show on tv and on the magazines! They made all the teenagers become hanorexic. Look at all the artists and people on TV! There is noone who is ugly, they all look perfect like photomodels. Then they had to invent "extreme make over", to show the world that if you dont look good you are disgusting, you are worthless, you are an outsider! You are cut off from social life! I think this is tremendously disgusting. People should concentrate on their spiritual life and on their values that they have lost. But no, they all just look at appearance and material things that will bring them just the delusion of a temporary satisfaction. If I could I would change all these things and take back the moral and spiritual values we have lost. People of today disgusts me.

HailMetal.Com: What has been your greatest goal in your musical or even creative career, general life, and so on, thus far?

Deadly Kristin: I havent been too ambitious. I dont aim at money or at success. I just wanted to express myself artistically as I have so much inside. I dont even expect people to understand or love what I do, though it would be nice of course. What I do, I do it for myself, for my spirit, for the love of creating something that is beautiful, meaningful and gives me emotions.

HailMetal.Com: You have of course traveled a fair bit. Even though you`ve been asked this question several times before, we`d like to know which out of the countries that you had visited is your favorite? Of course I have to encourage you to visit Australia at least once in your life as it is undoubtedly (and I can personally vouch for this having been in most countries across the world) one of the best countries in the world.

Deadly Kristin: I have travelled all over Europe and all over Usa but still there are so many places in the world that i would like to visit. The countries that I love the most are Norway and England. I have lived one year in Bergen, this wonderful ancient Viking town in Norway, by the sea. No other place I have ever seen has left such a mark in my heart like Bergen. There is a very special atmosphere there...it feels just unreal. Nature is wild, the bay is wonderful...the harbour with all the fishermen, the medieval wooden houses, all colored and leaning one over the other...the beautiful people...the constant rain, the smell of wet grass. I just love Bergen. Maybe one day I will live there again, who knows. England is also very charming. The english people are very social and polite, I find them exquisite. The landscape is marvellous with all the green hills and the sheep. It looks so peacefull and beautiful. The houses are also lovely. I may move there in the future. I am going there as often as I can.

HailMetal.Com: Thank you so much for this chance. We all appreciate it. If you would like to add anything else feel free Kristin! Thanks.

Deadly Kristin: I just would like to thank you for the wonderful interview and for the very interesting questions you asked. Thanks for supporting me and my music! Cheers!

Source: HailMetal