need advice for a cousin

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   Al Salam 3olaikom
Please excuse me for writing in the brothers section. But I need a guys opinion. First let me tell you alittle about my cousin. He is the only son and his father has passed away. He trys his best to be a good muslim for the sake of Allah(swt). My cousin is frustrated, he has to choose between marrying his cousin or making his mom mad if he doesn't marry her.    Let me be more precise, Well his mom  wants him to get married to her niece and she already talked to the girls parents. He doesn't have feelings towards her and doesn't want to marry her and at the same time he doesn't want to "i3'dab" his mom. The girl knows all this, and tried to give hints but his mom insists on him to get married to her. He askes for my advice, I told him to try talking to the girl that he might have feelings for her, but he told me what if it doesn't work out, he will not be fair either for his sake or for hers.
I know you guys understand eachother more, so abit of advice will be great....
Salam

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Rose Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 07 July 2005 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 167	Post Options Post Reply Quote Rose Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Topic: need advice for a cousin Posted: 11 July 2005 at 10:47pm
	Al Salam 3olaikom Please excuse me for writing in the brothers section. But I need a guys opinion. First let me tell you alittle about my cousin. He is the only son and his father has passed away. He trys his best to be a good muslim for the sake of Allah(swt). My cousin is frustrated, he has to choose between marrying his cousin or making his mom mad if he doesn't marry her. Let me be more precise, Well his mom wants him to get married to her niece and she already talked to the girls parents. He doesn't have feelings towards her and doesn't want to marry her and at the same time he doesn't want to "i3'dab" his mom. The girl knows all this, and tried to give hints but his mom insists on him to get married to her. He askes for my advice, I told him to try talking to the girl that he might have feelings for her, but he told me what if it doesn't work out, he will not be fair either for his sake or for hers. I know you guys understand eachother more, so abit of advice will be great.... Salam
	A thorn defends the rose,harming only those who would steal the blossom

Israfil Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 08 September 2003 Status: Offline Points: 3984	Post Options Post Reply Quote Israfil Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 12 July 2005 at 8:13pm
	What you ask is a common Arabic custom in which I cannot answer to as I myself am American. I pray that God guides your brother and blesses him with the anwer he deserves

Arabian Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 11 June 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 195	Post Options Post Reply Quote Arabian Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 12 July 2005 at 8:52pm
	Rose, Your cousin needs to stand up for himself. This kind of situation is quite common and unfortunately a lot of men make the wrong decision and marry the woman. Your cousin has no feelings for this woman, end of story. He needs to tell his mother that he will not marry this woman, and back it up with how he feels and how he will make the woman feel. Unlike Israfil, I am Arabic and I have done this already. I will not marry someone that I can not be with; it would be careless of me, and for the woman involved. Peace Arabian
	�...the heavens and the earth were joined together (as one unit of creation), before We clove them asunder, and We made from water every living thing. Will they not then believe?� (The Quran, 21:30)

Rose Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 07 July 2005 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 167	Post Options Post Reply Quote Rose Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 13 July 2005 at 2:06am
	Salam, Israfil, May you tell me what is meant be Islamic customs? I disagree with you because you convey that he is muslim, he has no right to choose for himself. Would you marry a girl you don't love or even have significant feelings towards her? Arabian, Yes, you have a point, I also told him that but I just want to make something less ambiguous. His mother is very ill and might be living the last days, weeks, months,....(Allah (swt) only knows). He doesn't want to upset her which could reflect on her health. I know she wants to see her son get married and maybe see his kids... He, himself, wants to get married but still, haven't found the right girl. May Allah find a way for him...
	A thorn defends the rose,harming only those who would steal the blossom

Rose Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 07 July 2005 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 167	Post Options Post Reply Quote Rose Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 13 July 2005 at 10:07am
	Allah also gives us freedom and urges us to: ...Marry the women of your choice... Qur'an [4 : 3] Similarly, for the women: "A girl came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and informed him that her father had married her to her cousin against her wishes, whereupon the Prophet allowed her to exercise her choice. She then said, 'I am reconciled to what my father did but I wanted to make it known to women that fathers have no say in this matter'". [Ibn Majah] Salam.
	A thorn defends the rose,harming only those who would steal the blossom

Israfil Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 08 September 2003 Status: Offline Points: 3984	Post Options Post Reply Quote Israfil Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 13 July 2005 at 4:25pm
	Rose you said: "May you tell me what is meant be Islamic customs? I disagree with you because you convey that he is muslim, he has no right to choose for himself. Would you marry a girl you don't love or even have significant feelings towards her?" First and foremost before you reply illogically look at what I said: >>>>What you ask is a common Arabic custom in which I cannot answer to as I myself am American. I pray that God guides your brother and blesses him with the anwer he deserves<<<<<<Israfil Firstly I never mentioned anything about "Islamic custom" to marry one's counsin is not an "Islamic" custom that is an Arabic custom however the laws of prophibition and allowance (in regards to whom one can marry) are in the Qur'an my comments were applied towards the cultural aspect. So please read over what I said because you made a non-sense reply. As Arabian had mention I am not of Arabic descent so I just wanted to add that it wouldn't be right for me as a man, to give advice since "marrying one's counsin" is not common practice in America.

Israfil Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 08 September 2003 Status: Offline Points: 3984	Post Options Post Reply Quote Israfil Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 13 July 2005 at 4:26pm
	By the way when I say I pray that God guides him is a general remark I say to everyone regardless whether they believe in God or not!

Rose Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Member Joined: 07 July 2005 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 167	Post Options Post Reply Quote Rose Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 13 July 2005 at 8:39pm
	Brother Israfil, My intentions towards you was not to critisize you. I apologize for any "non sense" repply. I just wanted any ideas you, or any one could support with. I guess we better just drop the subject. With all my respect to all....
	A thorn defends the rose,harming only those who would steal the blossom